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Thursday, December 29, 2016

LGBT/Others: Practicing What To Say (And Trying Not To Argue)

I practice a lot, what I want to say to my homophobic uncle and others. I have been literally shouted down by him before, and that feeling was humiliating, like what I thought didn't matter. For many years, I felt like I had to hold everything in, so now I want to say what's on my mind, when I can. It's hard, in the moment, to actually do that, so I try to anticipate situations and prepare myself to respond the way that I want to.
I have found that it's best to practice as short an answer as possible, over and over. I have tried, "I am gay," "That's my business," (if he says anything about my relationship with God), and especially, "You don't have to be in my life." If he has a problem (and I don't know if he would make problems for me), I can say over and over, "You don't have to be in my life," or "I don't need you in my life," until I make my point. And I can always hang up or walk away, too.
If he tries to say, "As long as you don't marry another woman," or something to that effect, I could say, "Or, I just be myself. And you don't have to be in my life." If he says he won't come to my wedding, I could say, "Well, then, you don't have to be in my life. If you would hurt me that way, you don't have to be in my life."
And one of the most effective arguments I have ever found is, "People--teenagers from Christian homes--kill themselves for being gay; it's not a choice. I wish it were!" 

I have also been practicing, "Yes,  God DID make Adam and Steve--God made everyone!" No one can argue with that logic!
I know that shrimp is called an abomination four times more than homosexuality in the bible ("I've seen you put an abomination in your mouth!") I know that Jesus, in healing the centurion's "servant," likely healed his gay lover, without asking if they were a couple, or telling them not to have sex, or even telling them not to "sin."
I know that the church, in the middle ages, had "brother-making" ceremonies that were basically gay marriages between men. And I know that the church was probably not too stupid to know what was likely going on, sexually. I know that the word "homosexual" has only been around since the mid to late 1800s, and that the verse on all kinds of sin that mentions "homosexuals" used to say "masturbators."
I have also practiced quoting my favorite bible verse: "Who are you to judge another man's servant? To his own master he stands or falls," and here is my favorite part, "And they will stand, for the Lord is able to make them stand."

But all of these arguments, ideally, I will not use. I try to shut down conversations, even in my own mind, in which I have to deal with crap that straight people don't. I deserve to be treated like an equal person, so I try to ignore the thoughts that make me defensive about something that harms no one and brings a lot of love and joy to people and their children.
So I try to visualize myself walking past a protestor holding an anti-gay sign, maybe even shouting at me, and getting myself a fancy coffee drink or another treat, on the other side of him or her. I walk on past, and go about my life, without arguing. This visualization is not easy, but it really does help.

Also practice saying whatever phrases you want, as quietly and softly as possible. You probably won't get in a shouting match, if you're not used to getting in shouting matches with this person or in general.
After realizing that addressing his bullying of me when I was a child was more important to me than coming out right now, I have been practicing saying, "You hurt me," for when I am ready to say something. And it's harder to whisper it, because whispering is more realistic to me than yelling or being confrontational.
But whispering or saying something softly also does something else: It lets you know that you will be heard and listened to, even if you can't shout someone down. And it doesn't matter whether the person you will talk to, actually listens to you. If it is safe to talk or come out, then know that you are enough of a listener for yourself. What matters is that you treat yourself as if you are important.

And yet there's a limit to how much practicing I can take. Now that I have a handful of short phrases to say, I try not to get sucked in, in my mind, whenever I am reminded of something he or someone else has said, or what I anticipate they could say.
It doesn't matter if you "win" the argument. Let them know that there will be no arguing--that your life, love, and relationship with God is not on the table for debate. That if they are unpleasant to be around, you simply won't be around them. Practicing shutting down the argument, is even more important than knowing what to say. And especially, practice shutting down the argument in your own mind. That may be the hardest thing of all to do, but it must be done, if you are to have any peace in your life.

LGBT: When Something Is More Important Than Coming Out

I have often thought that I wanted to come out to my homophobic uncle, who bullied me horrendously when I was very small. And if he objected, I would say, "You tortured me when I was a child! You made me want to die, when I was six years old! You don't have to be in my life, and you can't talk to me about God, when you were the devil!" (I called him the devil, all those years ago, because I realized that it wasn't that he didn't care how much he hurt me; he did care--the more he hurt me, the happier he became! Just like the devil.)
I also fantasized about saying, "You probably think being gay comes from someone's childhood. Well, I guess you would know--you were the man who hurt me the most!" (I am female.)
But then I started to wonder if coming out was an excuse to say how much he had hurt me. And I realized that coming out as bisexual wasn't as important to me as telling him exactly how much he had hurt me, that I was still trying to heal from it.
Saying that seems harder, emotionally, than saying that I am gay or bi. He seems much nicer now, especially for him, but am I just supposed to pretend nothing happened, because he is nicer? I have been hurting from this, much longer than I have been hurting--and fighting my own arguing inner voices--because I knew I was not straight.
He has said before that "if you're gay, don't come out," as if he didn't know how cruel that was. But all my life, I have been living under this unwritten rule, that I can't say anything about his abuse, and especially about the incident when I called him the devil and he almost got in a physical fight with my mother over the way he threatened to "bust your ass" to me.
There is still a part of me that is afraid of him. I still remember being held upside down against my will, "tickled" on the ribs as I fought for breath against the physical pain. I felt like I was dying, like I was drowning. My mom thinks I have PTSD from it. I do too.
He lives with my grandparents, unfortunately. So if I go to visit them, I usually have to see him too. And I see him on holidays and birthdays, too. And I am tired of dreading seeing him.

So I feel like I should focus on getting ready to "come out" as someone who is still healing from his shit. And that is much scarier to me than simply coming out. I'm not sure when I'll be ready, but I'm going to try to love myself until I am.

I feel better about actually coming out as bisexual/gay, after hearing what my two aunts, his sisters, said recently. (I don't like either term very much, since it implies either 50-50, or 100%, and though I like both, I just see myself as happier with another woman.) They seemed to say neutral, or maybe even positive things, about a gay person they knew. Here is their exchange:

Aunt 1: "She said that she had a hard time with her son being gay, at first, because she thought she couldn't have grandchildren."
Aunt 2: "Well, she'll just have to do what I do, and love on other people's children."

And no, I have no idea whether Aunt 2 was implying anything about her own children, my cousins. At the very least, she thinks that one of them won't have children, or that she will have to wait a while.
So it seems that my aunts, for the most part, will not really care. That has made me feel a little better. In a strange way, it took off some of the internal pressure I feel about coming out (though I know I shouldn't feel this pressure).
And if it weren't for the unaddressed bullying, I would not care, at this point in my life, how my uncle reacted to my being gay. Perhaps by addressing the bullying, I can eventually also feel free enough to come out. But the bullying is harder to acknowledge and address.
Sometimes I think I want to call him, and talk. Yet I don't know if I should interrupt my everyday life to do that. And that subject never seems to come up at family gatherings.
And I still feel scared, scared to rock the boat and break an unwritten taboo in the family. But I used to be more scared. So maybe I won't always be this scared.
I am going to focus on "coming out," calmly (like I usually talk to him, not angrily), as being hurt by him. And, for the hardest part, in the meantime, I will try to break the habit of putting myself down for being "too weak" to say something (as if I wasn't trained since childhood to fear him, even if he isn't as much of a threat to me now).

Minimalism: How I Found A Career, Without Student Loan Debt

I have just completed my required class for Oregon, and passed my test to become a licensed tax preparer.
I am very excited about it, and because my teacher is also the manager of a local tax office, I also got a job offer. Liberty Tax, where I will be working, starts pay at a quarter above minimum wage, so in Oregon that would be about $10 an hour. The figures for experienced tax preparers, however, make it seem worth it in the long run.
So, for those who don't want to go into a bunch of debt in a job market that may not want you anyway, I'm going to tell you about it. I wanted to do a series about debtless jobs, but so far, I can only talk about my own experience. I will post other articles as I hear about other jobs, but I may not personally have worked them, so I cannot guarantee that they will be enjoyable or bearable.
Disclaimer: Granted, I have not started this job yet. It may be the bane of my existence, though I know of some people who prepare taxes half the year while being retired from their other jobs. If they do this, and they probably don't even have to work, I think I can do it too. And though it may be overwhelming at first, I can get the hang of it next year at the latest. In a few years, it will not be a big deal at all.
With that out of the way, here is my experience: I paid $250 for the materials, then took a night class twice a week. The class itself was free, since the company that sponsored it did it to recruit new employees.
 I found some figures given by Liberty about how much their preparers make on average, but I didn't trust those. So to get more accurate statistics, I looked up the Bureau of Labor Statistics webpage for this profession. And in my state, the Annual Mean Wage is $40,760-47,520. I don't know what the mean wage for my particular area is, or how much experience I will have to get to reach these numbers.
My teacher and soon-to-be boss says that tax preparers are actually hard to find. So apparently my new skills would be in demand. She also says that companies often look for help even in the middle of tax season (January through April 18).

If you live outside of Oregon, there aren't really any requirements for you to do this. Even in Oregon, going to school for it is not financially demanding, though it is mentally demanding. It's not that much effort and money at all, if you consider that it's actually like going to college and getting a degree for a job.
 In Oregon, you have to complete 80 hours of instruction and pass a state test. The state test is 163 questions, and you must get 75% correct (123 questions) to pass. You must pay a fee for the test, and if you're not in Salem, a proctoring fee to the local test site as well. Then you have to pay a fee for them to issue your license.
You can take the test multiple times--my local community college has state licensing tests (all kinds, not just for tax preparers) every month. I can also go to a neighboring county if I don't want to wait a month. However, the authorities send your test scores in the mail--not in an email or on a website. It could take up to 30 days to receive your results. Teacher says that it will probably take two weeks, but that it could be longer, especially in December, because many people throughout the state are taking the test in December. So I take my test in a few days, but probably won't know the result until after Christmas!
 You need 30 hours continuing education every year to practice, except for the first that you renew your license, since you just took a long course. I asked how I would even find 30 hours every year, and Teacher says that they will find you. Apparently I will get all kinds of advertisements for seminars and web courses. But for the first year after getting your license, you don't have to take the 30 hours, because you just had 80 hours of instruction already.
Preparers have to work under a Licensed Tax Consultant, the next rung in the system. If I become a consultant, I could start my own business. But for now, I don't want to worry about running a business, so I will be an employee this year and probably the next few years.

My cousin, who was prophesied at church to be a professional baseball player, couldn't make his college team. So he decided that he wanted to be a physical therapist.  He graduated with a four-year degree, which cost him tens of thousands of dollars. But he forgot to volunteer a certain number of hours which were required of him. He managed to find a job in his new profession, but I'm not sure how that's going to get him volunteer hours, if he gets paid for it. And he needs to go back to school to get a Master's degree, eventually, just to keep his new job. But he can't, if he can't get the volunteer hours.
In addition, he has to start paying his student loans very soon. His payments will be $400 a month, for a very long time
So now he's stuck, and he's burdened with a huge amount of debt, and he's only 22. It's a very fucked up system that lets him and millions of others get like this. And that's why I'm skeptical of it all. I have no college debt, and I will do everything in my power never to have it. People say that it's necessary to succeed in life. But how successful are you, really, if you have such burdens?
Apparently, I have to choose between being poor, and being in massive amounts of debt. I'll take poverty, thank you very much. At least I won't have the creditors breathing down my neck, as well as wondering about my financial future and job prospects.
But if this job is really all it's cracked up to be--and so far I have no reason to think that it isn't--then there is a middle ground. And I can always save up money and go back to school later, if I get a good job now.
I'm sure there are enough options like this out there, but the challenge is finding out about them. The likeliest source of information about jobs, to my mind, is the local community college. But then again, they are a college, and also a business, and they will try to sell me a degree.
So I must shift for myself, as far as guidance goes, and try to help others along the way. Hence this article.

Remember, this is a job--not your life! Especially with a seasonal job like this, you can work your job, if it's bearable, and make as much money as you can--and then have a life, that is enjoyable. I still plan to save money to maybe go back to school or take online courses about things I'm interested in. I still dream of one day publishing a novel. And I still want to blog about minimalism, art, and LGBT stuff.
My homophobic uncle seems to think that one's job defines them. He has complained to my mother, "I'm just a mill worker!...I'm just a janitor!...I'm just..." and you can fill in the blank.
Meanwhile, the local lumber mill is very much unionized--there are some good benefits to working there! They also, I have heard, are hurting for workers who can pass a drug test, so anyone clean is a valuable worker.
And as for being "just a janitor," well--he was "just a janitor"...for the freaking school district! He was a government employee.
So he has had some very good jobs, and felt belittled by them. He thinks there is shame in honest work. After my grandfather--his father--supported a wife and four kids on a mill worker's salary, and still wears his union caps to this day...my uncle was humiliated by being no "better" than his own father. I seriously hope that my grandfather doesn't hear what he says. I wonder if it would hurt him, being "just" a mill worker.
(My uncle used to look down on the janitors at his own schools, thinking they were "losers," so he now feels judged by kids. And yes, that actually bothers him, apparently. He is in his mid fifties now--I know, I'm rolling my own eyes, too!)

So get the best, most palatable kind of job you can, whether it's this, or something else. And don't worry about the "status" of your job. Please don't do that to yourself. Be proud of who you are. And be proud of any kind of honest work. Don't put others down for their professions (even if you live in Nevada and don't like prostitution, for example), and don't have people in your life who disapprove of yours. Cut them out, as much as you can.
And above all, be good to yourself. You deserve a good job, you deserve not to go into a whole bunch of debt, and you deserve not to care what others think of you.

Saturday, December 17, 2016

Book Review: Romancing The Inventor by Gail Carriger

 *Spoilers*

I had high hopes for this book, about steampunk Victorian lesbians. However, all I can truly say about it is that it is...somewhat entertaining--not that it's as spectacular as I had thought it would be. There was a lot of potential there, but not much payoff for what it could be. It was worth the four dollars I paid for it as an ebook, but I wouldn't bother paying fourteen dollars for the paperback, and I won't bother buying any other books by the same author any time soon.

The thing that bothered me most about this book was that, despite its title, Romancing The Inventor, the main character, Imogene the parlourmaid, does not actually do much to woo the inventor, Genevieve. She also does not do anything to save herself from the (male and female) vampires who want to rape and eat her. Nearly everything is done for her. The werewolves even unexpectedly save her towards the end--because they were called by the inventor!
For a long while, she doesn't even contradict Genevieve (the inventor--her name is much too similar to Imogene's own name) when she assumes Imogene is straight.
 Imogene only once actually does something to woo Genevieve, literally stripping naked after Genevieve had saved her many times already. She is also satisfied with a one-night stand with the woman she's pining after, knowing that Genevieve could not love her. (Though I'm not sure how a lesbian in that world would know how to find other lesbians, so it almost makes sense for her to be satisfied with scraps of affection. But she does have an opportunity to go to London and work in a hat shop, so there is at least a possibility of the big city being more liberal and diverse. She does not take this opportunity, preferring to pine after Genevieve instead.)
The rest of the time, Imogene does nothing to flirt or seduce Genevieve. She does not wear low-cut dresses or lean over her work. She does not shake out her hair, or talk about "the sisterhood of women" and how wonderful it is. She does not even come out to her, for a while. All these things are cliche, but they are at least something.
Even the plan to woo Genevieve, towards the end of the story, is thought of by Genevieve's friend, Lady Maccon. Imogene simply goes along with the plan. And then, like magic, Genevieve changes her mind and decides that she can love again! And the catalyst for this is not shown; there is no one moment when she realizes what she is missing without Imogene.
Ultimately, this is not a story about an ambitious parlourmaid trying to find love and rise above her station, in spite of the obstacles in nineteenth-century Britain. This is about a parlourmaid who luckily makes friends in high places, through no effort of her own. It should have been about Genevieve, wrestling with her own demons. At least then, there would have been an internal conflict for the main character, and therefore more of a conflict for the story.

And at first, Genevieve woos Imogene, before pulling back emotionally from her. Imogene also has thoughts that indicate she is only just discovering her sexuality, even though she has known for a long time now that she likes women and not men. So the plot is confused about what it wants to be.

There was not much explanation about Lady Maccon, Genevieve's friend who married a werewolf. It was even brought up that she and her husband had a daughter, but that it was supposed to be impossible for werewolves and humans to interbreed. (At least, that is how I interpreted it, as it actually said, "Everyone knew that it was impossible for either werewolves or vampires to breed." How then do these beings come into existence in this world? Do humans become them by biting, or is there some other mechanism?) None of these questions are answered in this book.
There is even mention of the "risks" of trying to become an immortal vampire by being bitten by one. But there is no explanation of what these risks are. Characters act like being bitten by a vampire robs you of your soul or something, but I don't know what the side effects are, to being bitten but not killed. (And apparently, not becoming a vampire, either.) So as Imogene is about to be bitten by the vampire queen, I actually thought, "What's the big deal?" when it seemed that I was meant to be very anxious about that.
It was obvious that this book was meant to be merely a piece of the puzzle that is this story world. As soon as Lady Maccon and her werewolf husband were mentioned, I knew that that was just a tie-in to many other of Carriger's stories.
Genevieve even talks about her late partner, Angelique, dying and "going to ghost," which sounds like it may not necessarily be what I'm thinking of, depending on the mechanism for becoming a ghost in this world--which is not explained. There is also no appearance by the ghost of Angelique, if she indeed is a ghost. The author could have explored this in the story--in fact, it would have been interesting if Angelique had accused Genevieve of not truly loving her or their son, because she was thinking about moving on. Their son, Quesnel, is also mentioned--Genevieve even visits him--but he plays no part in the story at all. (All of these extra vampires and werewolves, and not one brief visit by Genevieve's ex or her son!)
So because it doesn't explain everything, or at least, the questions the story itself raises, this only does "okay" as a stand-alone story. It is not that great, standing on its own.

Something that is also unrealistic (admittedly, in a world of vampires and werewolves) is the fact that Imogene could not read, but was a genius at arithmetic. If she did not go to school because she comes from a poor country family, then how would she think to memorize sums? She would have to spend hours counting on her fingers, without any schooling, and it is unclear whether she knows how to write down numbers.
It is not even very likely that should would be illiterate, according to Wikipedia. ("Despite lacking a system of free and compulsory primary schooling, England managed to reach near universal literacy in the nineteenth century as a result of shared, informal learning systems such as family members, fellow workers, and/or benevolent employers, to name a few.") Interestingly enough, however, because she was a female of the lower classes, she may have been able to read, but unable to write. She would have been more likely able to write if she were male--there was a gap with the sexes at that time.
So it is unlikely she would not be able to read, but likely that she would not be able to write. And the story does not mention that most people know how to read, and she is one of the few that do not. Indeed, it seems to imply that it is common in her village, not to know how to read. She does not even know how to sign her name.

The subplot with her mother and "the littles," an unknown number of her younger siblings (of which we know nothing of sexes or ages, much less their characters), is suddenly dropped at the end, after she is saved by the werewolves. No mention is ever made of her mother or family again. We don't know how her mother would react, when she would find out about Imogene's proclivities or new relationship. She does not find out, in the book.
Her mother is nagging to her, and very proper, but I had the impression that she does love Imogene and want what's best for her. So I wanted to see that conversation. But like in Timekeeper by Tara Sim, it is not shown at all, or even told briefly.

I'm not sure it's worth your time, unless you were curious about it already. But I think you will be disappointed. The Kindle version, in this case, is the cheapest; don't buy paperback, because you can read Kindle books on your computer. Like I said before, I won't be buying anything else by this author unless I cannot find any good gay stories at all.
...With a possible exception of the first book in Carriger's Finishing School series--that one was already ordered and on the way when I started this one. It has a great premise--a girl learning, in school, how to be a proper lady and an excellent assassin--but then again, this book had a great premise, too...
We will see.

Book Review: Timekeeper by Tara Sim (4 of 4)--Killing Draco Malfoy And My Final Thoughts

 *Spoilers*

This is a very cute little book...except for one thing which I do not like about it. There is a bully character, Lucas, who hates Danny for taking his spot as the youngest to be certified as a clock mechanic. He teases Danny mercilessly about being gay, and looks down on him for coming from a poorer background than he. His class snobbishness reminds me of Draco Malfoy, the bully from the Harry Potter series who looks down on those who don't come from prestigious magical families.
But imagine if, instead of giving Draco Malfoy a redemption arc, Rowling had instead killed him off, graphically, in the very first novel. Not only would it have been a needless death in a children's book, it would have thrown off the balance of the whole series. Harry's rivalry with Draco is one of the central conflicts in the story. Without Draco, it wouldn't have been as interesting.
Tara Sim killed off her Draco, by having him die of an explosion, embedding a clock gear into his chest as he choked on his own blood. (Yes, this is a Young Adult novel, people!)
Harry Potter had plenty of death, but Rowling didn't kill off a kid until the end of the fourth book. (Not counting the girl who became a ghost fifty years ago, that we meet in the second book. If they're ghosts, I don't think of it as a real death, so it's not so bad.) And there was way too much death in Harry Potter, anyway, in my opinion--it's a world full of wizards and magic, and Rowling didn't want to have everyone survive because that wouldn't be "realistic"?
Sim lost so much potential, here, by killing off the bully halfway through the first book. What would have happened, if Lucas had found out about Colton, his clock spirit boyfriend? Sim wasted an opportunity to use the phrase, "the cock of the clock" or "cock o' clock." Lucas's teasing would have been the perfect opportunity for Colton to comfort Danny. And since Lucas, like any other clock mechanic, can sense "time fibers," how would Colton use those fibers to take his revenge? If Lucas punches Colton in the face, what will happen to the clock face itself?
Like Draco Malfoy, this character was very much needed in this story. Voldemort may have been Harry's ultimate enemy, but Draco provided the everyday conflict. And his bullying tactics were brilliant, too, making me almost feel bad for laughing at them--singing "Weasely is our king," because Ron was so bad at magical sports that he let Draco's team win, and making magical flashing badges that say "Potter Stinks." As long as Sim didn't make Lucas overly homophobic and therefore truly hurtful, she really could have had fun with this character! Can you imagine how funny it would have been if Lucas had had a badge that flashed, "Danny Stinks"?
There is also no opportunity for Lucas to redeem himself in any way. What if Lucas was closeted all along, and that's why he picked on Danny? There are so many wasted opportunities, when killing the bully with clock cogs in the first book.

This was also the first time that the book switched to a perspective other than Danny's, so of course I thought, "As soon as we see other characters' points of view, they're going to die!" And when the book switched to a girl character who was somewhat like Lucas...she nearly did! She got somewhat of a redemption arc, though she had never really picked on Danny, to my knowledge, and she aided the bad guy out of ignorance, not evilness. She's obviously going to be a recurring character, though it's not the same as having a Malfoy, because she doesn't even pick on Danny and she's a somewhat sympathetic character.
The book became very predictable, in that aspect. And because it's the first in a trilogy, the whole series is going to be predictable in that way. It might have been nice to have other perspectives, and not have them get maimed or killed off, especially right away. But now we know what's going to happen, every time another character even has a thought of their own!

I would also like to know if the knowledge that towers do indeed have spirits, would affect the way that Danny repairs other towers. Is he assigned to repair other towers, during this time? The book doesn't say if he is.
 If I knew the towers could understand me, I would explain, "Here is what I am going to do. Your gears need cleaning, and your minute hand is rusting, so first I'm going to..." And I would address the tower by name, since Colton is also the name of Colton Tower. I would explain who I was, why I was there, and that I would take care of them. Kind of like how I treat injured animals now.

I just finished this book, and overall...it was okay. I kept reading, because I wanted to find out what happened next, but it wasn't that exciting. The tension of the final climax went on and on, and I kept waiting for something definitive to happen. Eventually, it did, but I had already seen that mixing clock cogs and human blood did something to the time fibers, so I knew that that would figure into the story later. I wasn't sure how that enabled him to actually control time, though, and the book brought the question up, but left it unanswered for now.
And when Danny did finally defeat the surprise bad guy, save Colton, and get his dad back, all I could think was, "Yep, those are the loose ends that will set things up for the next book. Right on time." It was very formulaic. Danny also did not tell his dad about Colton, at the end of the book, and according to the timeline, his dad would not even know he was gay. But since the other characters, other than Lucas, hardly reacted to it, there's not much tension or suspense on that front.
I really didn't care about the subplots regarding Danny's trauma from an accident at work, and his relationship with his mother. Those subplots have been done to death, and I knew that they would be resolved in the end, anyway--so why have them there? It's like how many heroes in thrillers struggle with alcoholism. You know that they're either going to get or stay sober in the end, so why have it? It's a cliche now.
One thing that also bothered me was that Danny and his mother seemed poor at first, then at the end, she buys him a new car for Christmas. A new car! And all this time Danny is wearing an old, tight, worn suit to special occasions, and has a worn collar on the jacket he wears every day, and is made fun of by Lucas for not being "successful" enough! The story can't decide what socioeconomic class he is in!
I actually rolled my eyes when his friend Cassie, an auto mechanic, invents the seat beat, or "auto holster," after her brother dies in an accident. Because in a world where the Industrial Revolution happened hundreds of years before it happened in ours, no one thought to strap people in so that they don't fly out of cars and break their necks. I feel like this subplot was just there to give Cassie something "important" to do, since the seat belt later saves his life. (As if he would bother with it, when he's not even used to wearing it, and Colton's life is on the line!)
I was also a bit confused by the description of his first auto. It said that the roof leaked, but then it talked of him wearing goggles to drive the car. So does the thing have a windshield or not? I don't think it's one of those old-timey cars where the (paid) driver sits outside, since the book mentions him looking back at Colton--and how would his dad afford a car made for rich people, anyway? The closet description of the auto that I could surmise was that it had a roof, but no windshield--it simply was like an overhang, over the driver and passengers. But how then would it say that the roof leaked, and therefore the auto flooded? Wouldn't the auto flood just because the rain came in under the roof as it moved?
I still have no idea, to this day, what his auto is supposed to look like, or why it actually floods. It was a very confusing description. (But one part that made me laugh was that Danny, frustrated that it wouldn't start, reacted to a policeman's inquiry as, "Of it's mine! It's a piece of shit, isn't it?" This book was sure a potty-mouth, for something written for fourteen-year-olds!)

When the second installment in this series comes out, I will buy it and read it. But only out of curiosity, not because it's necessarily all that entertaining. It's worth reading, at least until the big climax, because it is interesting to see all of the Victorian characters not even care that Danny is gay. But, well...it could have been written much better. It had so much potential there, and it ultimately felt very wasted. The author could at least have given us flashbacks, so that we know what Danny's coming out was like.

Book Review: Timekeeper by Tara Sim (3 of ?)--A Clock's Sexuality

Some of my reviews do not have spoilers, but this one does.

This is the tale of Danny, the boy who fell in love with a clock. Danny finds out that the boy he is falling in love with, is actually a "clock spirit," the spirit of the clock tower in a small town.
They strike up a friendship, even though the spirit, Colton, cannot leave his tower. When he had thought the boy was a human, Danny had told him the tale of Rapunzel, a princess trapped in her own tower. After Danny learns the truth, Colton kisses him.
He later explains, "It sounded nice in the fairy tales, so I thought it would be nice to kiss you."


Danny is gay, and everyone in his life knows it and doesn't care--in a world very much like our Victorian England. (But not in this way.) I've often wondered if there were other kinds of LGBT people in this world (I would love to see how this world that is largely indifferent to gay people would feel about transgender people, for example), and I believe I have found another kind of LGBT person:

It took considerable courage for Danny to ask, "Have you ever kissed anyone before me?"
Colton thought, then shook his head. "I don't think so. I've thought about it, though. There used to be a girl down the street who was very pretty. But that was a long time ago."

I never thought I would read a story about a bisexual clock tower! That is an interesting way to get some sexual diversity in your novel!

Danny, who had anticipated this answer, took a moment to reorganize his thoughts. So you would have kissed me if I was a girl?"
"I would have kissed you if you were a girl. I would have kissed you if you were purple." 

 Oh, well excuse the hell out of me, then! :) It's a pansexual clock tower! :)
I think it is very sweet, the way Colton falls in love with Danny, apparently, because of his good heart and his gentle hands. (When repairing the clock tower itself--you had a dirty mind, didn't you?)
I hope they meet some transgender people in this series. Some of the clock spirits are female, though I don't know of any that go from one thing to another, or are sometimes one thing and sometimes another.

I hate to say this, but...it would more interesting if they talked about having sex. The cover says that the book is for "ages 14 and up," so if the seventeen-year-old character and his ageless boyfriend decided that they weren't ready yet, that would send a positive message to kids about it being okay to wait until they're ready or older. It would also let them know that people they date shouldn't pressure them to do things they don't want to.
I'm about halfway through the book, and Danny and Colton's relationship is getting serious, so it would make sense for Colton to say that he feels strange and wonderful in his body when with Danny, and that he wants to do something very special with him. And since Colton is a clock tower and wouldn't know about human sexuality (or his own sexuality, since he's not really human), Danny can explain what people in love sometimes do together. They can then decide together if they want to do anything, and if so, what to do and when. I must admit that I am a little curious to see what happens if a clock tower has a climax, since Colton did make his bells go off once by laughing too hard as he and Danny played hide and go seek.
There are already indications of Danny's desire, such as their passionate kissing, and one moment where he wanted to "wrap his body around Colton." A friend also asks Danny if Colton is "into the weird stuff" when he expresses doubts about whether they should be together.

(This part added to the draft after I read some more of the book):

I explained that I didn't think that a clock tower would know anything about human sexuality, but apparently, I was wrong! Colton, the tower spirit, is jealous because he saw another boy kissing Danny, when Danny was drunk.
"Why don't you kiss me like that?" he demands. Danny said that he "didn't know how." I'm not sure how Danny would not know how to passionately kiss someone. There didn't seem to be anything else going on between him and the other boy.
Colton thinks for a moment, then says,"I've seen it often enough," which, when combined with what happens next, makes me wonder if people are doing sexual acts outdoors all the time in this small town.
Colton and Danny start kissing passionately, falling onto the ground. Then Colton "reached his hand into Danny's trousers." (This book is ages 14 and up, according to the cover jacket. That is rather interesting.) It becomes rather vague at this point, only saying that Danny could think of nothing but Colton's lips and his hand, and, "Oh, god, his hand!"
 I assume they don't want to use the words "wrapped around his penis," in a kids' novel, but that's certainly implied. I'm not sure how this is less sexual than mentioning actual sexual parts.

This brings up so many questions: How does Colton know what Danny has in his pants, and that it brings pleasure and isn't just for peeing? He would surely see men, and occasionally women, peeing outdoors, but what did he see to educate him on other things?
What does Colton have in his own pants, being a clock tower and a spirit? If the pendulum of the tower itself are his lungs, and the central cog is his heart, then what is his you-know-what, and what would it even be useful for--making little baby clock towers? Do clock towers pee? Perhaps rain water is the clock tower's pee--but then if he had gargoyles, his pee-pee would be on his head. And if he had gutters, he would have two or more pee-pees on his feet.
I have been wondering, anyway, why he wears a very loose shirt, when he is a clock spirit and, unless his tower is very top-heavy and uneven (as if that is safe!), his shirt should be as tight as his pants--to my mind, at least. I've also been very curious as to what would happen if a spirit were wearing eyeglasses--what sort of wire contraption on the clock face would correspond to eyeglasses? And why do clock spirits have ears? Why do they have tongues, for that matter?

So Colton and Danny start to...fool around. We don't get to know what happens if a clock tower has a sexual climax, however. As he begins to manually stimulate Danny, Danny notices that the hands on the clock face are going round at an alarming rate, as days and nights go by in a blur. Danny makes him stop, and Colton has to concentrate very hard in order to bring time back into proper balance.
 So depending on your perspective, they either did have sex, or they tried to. I'm sure Danny would have stimulated Colton, after his "turn," but I'm not sure it counts if one person starts to be stimulated, but they must stop. And if this is how Colton reacts, when only doing things to Danny, how would he react, if Danny was doing things to him?
There are so many questions that make me morbidly curious, but that aren't answered in this first book. And since it came out in 2016, I assume that it will be a few years before we understand the logic of a clock tower's anatomy and sexuality--if we do at all.

Tuesday, December 13, 2016

Book Review: Timekeeper by Tara Sim (2 of ?)--No Spoilers Review, And Something Interesting

I'm reading Timekeeper by Tara Sim, about a clock mechanic in a world kind of like Victorian London, but where the fabric of time itself is controlled by the clock towers; they don't just measure time, they keep time itself running.
One thing that is interesting about the main character, Danny, is that at the start of the story, he had already told everyone in his life, months ago, that he preferred boys over girls. He is only seventeen, in 1875, and he told everyone. And the text even says that "most people treated him the same as before."
There's a problem with this story, though--I want to see those conversations! What is it like in a Victorian society in which homosexuality, at least in London, is no big deal? How does coming out go, in this world?

One little thing that just amazed me was an exchange between Danny and his mentor at work, Matthias. Matthias teased Danny, saying that with the way he looked, he must be smitten with someone. Danny, a little embarrassed, confirmed that yes, that was the case.

 "You'll have to tell me all about her. Rather, him," Matthias amended with an apologetic smile. "Sorry. Sometimes I forget."

He forgot that Danny was gay! In what world does that happen? In ours, no one would forget, no matter how little it upset them, unless they had dementia or some other problems.
Even my 86-year-old grandfather (without dementia) now says "someone" instead of "husband" when talking about my future spouse, though I only used the phrase, "husband or wife" just once! He forgets a lot of things about my life, but I use a phrase one time that indirectly indicates that I'm bisexual, and it seems that he remembers that! And I have never even had a girlfriend, much less both a girlfriend and a boyfriend in succession.
It sounds like this society is a lot more advanced than ours, in a way. There is no gay marriage, as far as I can tell (though a wedding was described briefly in gender-neutral terms: "I have wanted those two to get together since they were children.")

In this world, the death penalty for homosexual acts was just repealed one decade before, and people in smaller towns tend to be more conservative (just like our world, or how people say our world is, though my mom and I have held hands in small towns and not been harassed as a "gay couple," unlike in "liberal" Eugene, Oregon, the biggest city around me).
And yet "in London, people regarded it with barely a 'good heavens!'" The people who think it "unnatural" (the word "immoral" is not used in this book) are referenced only indirectly and briefly. Danny's mother wants grandchildren and wants him to marry her friend's daughter, but does not say much overall about it. I wish I knew more about what she had initially said, but the story starts months after he came out.
This is why a lot of people say "Show, don't tell" when talking about writing stories. The author does not even do flashbacks, and I really wish she had. Or better yet, incorporate his coming out into the story, because it would really work well with what I mentioned about his new boyfriend in the last post (spoilers).

The author has a brief guide for the story world in the back of the book, where she says, "With the number of secrets he keeps close to his chest, I didn't want this important, fundamental part of him to be a secret as well."
But it doesn't have to be a secret for long in this story! If she wanted to, Sim could have put his coming out towards the beginning, or even opened with it. She could even do flashbacks. Just please, give us something!

I guess the moral here is, if your story world differs from our world in a significant way, then show it. Let your readers see what an ideal world looks like, what a dystopian world looks like, how a supportive, or bad, or even a comical character reacts to your situations and people. How is your world different from the one we all know? Show the difference--don't tell it. Your readers will want to see it, anyway.

Sunday, December 11, 2016

Book Review: Timekeeper by Tara Sim (1of ?): Is Danny Homosexual, Or Chronosexual?

A great fantasy book about young gay romance: Spoilers for Timekeeper by Tara Sim. (In other words, don't read this one, Mom.)

I'm only about a quarter into the book. It takes place in an alternative Victorian England, where time itself is controlled by the clock towers, and if they break, everything stops and the city is lost forever on a loop. Very interesting.
Danny, a clock tower mechanic, falls in love with a boy he later learns is a clock spirit. He is falling in love with the clock tower itself! It is neat, how the author has the spirit's, Colton's, hand shriveled up when the minute hand is bent, etc. Then he is whole again when Danny fixes him. 
 
But I wish that the story hadn't said before this, that Danny knew he liked other boys, and had told the people in his life. I would have loved to see the mystery of, "Am I in love with Colton because he's a boy, or because he's a clock?" In other words, is Danny chronosexual? (How do you like the word I invented?)
He has a friend who's a girl, so that's perfect. He would plan to marry the girl someday, because he already loves her in a way, though he doesn't understand what all the fuss is about romance. Then he's in denial for a bit, wondering why the spirit of the clock would manifest to him as a boy! And finally, he accepts himself, and his clock boyfriend.
 
I really like how bits of clock mythology, with Chronos the Time-God and his four children, are strewn in between chapters. It really sets up the world and the mindset of the clock mechanics and the people, even though this world seems, for the most part, the same as our modern notions of Victorian England. Two exceptions are that it is more technologically advanced in this world, and that women and girls are also clock mechanics--and auto mechanics! 
I thought the addition of steam-powered autos to that world was rather cool. It reminded me of reading about Nazi-occupied France (years ago, source unavailable), where some cars were powered with steam and burned wood instead of fuel, because fuel was unavailable. (I've often wondered if that were not a better option than burning fossil fuels, though I'm not sure our current forests could take it. Perhaps a combination would be ideal, whether in the same auto or in autos as a whole?)
 
I kind of know where this story is going, as it is. At some point, someone is going to remove Colton's central cog--his heart--and Danny will have to bring him back to life, but there will be complications standing in his way, and he will be devastated, thinking that he's going to lose Colton. Maybe there won't be another cog available, or Danny will be kidnapped or something. That is what I predict will happen.
Also, you know that Danny is going to have a showdown with a villain in the tower, and just when all hope is lost, the tower itself will fight for him, striking the bad guy with numerals and stuff. That is also what I predict will happen.
 
This is the first in a trilogy, and unfortunately this book "came out" in 2016, so I'll probably have to wait two years at least for the next installment. So my predictions are long-term rather than short-term; if these things don't happen in this book, I think they will happen in the next two. 
I find myself skipping parts of it, to get to what I really want to know about Colton and Danny, but I really like this series. Gay Steampunk stories seem to be really "in" right now, and I love it! These stories, well...they mean a lot to me right now, because I am currently writing my own story with LGBT characters and elements of fantasy in the "real" world. Someday I may even do Steampunk. And now I have inspiration.

Sunday, December 4, 2016

LGBT/Book Review: Legally Blonde (Epilogue): My Thoughts About The Author

I was very critical of the Legally Blonde novel, twice, because it is not nearly as great as the movie. But then I remembered one of author Amanda Brown's characters, Larry, was a pretty decent poet. And as far as I could tell, they were also her original poems. I'm not very much interested in poetry, and the love poems are of course a little sappy for my taste.
But I thought it interesting that a good poet could write a crappy novel, that got made into an amazing movie...which had nothing at all to do with her poetry. (I could not find the lines again in the book, and I'm not about to read that trash again, but I do remember something about "a stolen kiss, a little theft," and little sips and sweet breath. Decent enough--some people would like it.) 
I also was very harsh on the author for having a book full of paper-thin stereotypes, while the feminist was not a lesbian and the author's fabulous blonde did not have a gay best friend to tell her how fabulous she is. All of her characters are white, straight, cisgender, able-bodied, rich, and extremely boring. I could easily see the author being homophobic. Never has the absence of a Z-snap been so loud.

But then I did some digging, about Amanda Brown's poetry, and came across something called Freedom For Equality. Here is a line from it:

But now its time to stand up and fight
To let everyone know
That being gay is alright


I'm not sure I'm crazy about the rhyming, or the obviousness of it all, but that is a message I can get behind 100%. Apparently, the author of Legally Blonde was not homophobic, after all!

But then I found out that there are two Amanda Brown's. The Equality one is ten years younger than the Blonde one, and has a different birthday. I also could not find any of the Blonde one's poetry on the internet, in spite of having a nice sample of it in her otherwise horrible book.
So the Blonde Amanda Brown looks even worse now, in comparison to the Equality Amanda Brown. Blonde Amanda, you are not looking very good in my book. The other one may not be as flowery in her descriptions of love, but she stands up for ALL love, and that is beautiful in and of itself.
There is a time to speak plainly, and a time to speak in flowery metaphors. There are subjects in which one should speak plainly, too.
To make my own metaphor, it doesn't matter how pretty your singing voice is, if you are singing for admiration, and the person next to you is singing for their freedom or that of others.
I was feeling a little bad about being mean to a real person with feelings, but I'm not so sure she's a very good person anymore.
I never thought Amanda Brown could disappoint me even more. Or that the missing Z-snap could ring even louder.