LGBT/Others: Practicing What To Say (And Trying Not To Argue)

I practice a lot, what I want to say to my homophobic uncle and others. I have been literally shouted down by him before, and that feeling was humiliating, like what I thought didn't matter. For many years, I felt like I had to hold everything in, so now I want to say what's on my mind, when I can. It's hard, in the moment, to actually do that, so I try to anticipate situations and prepare myself to respond the way that I want to.
I have found that it's best to practice as short an answer as possible, over and over. I have tried, "I am gay," "That's my business," (if he says anything about my relationship with God), and especially, "You don't have to be in my life." If he has a problem (and I don't know if he would make problems for me), I can say over and over, "You don't have to be in my life," or "I don't need you in my life," until I make my point. And I can always hang up or walk away, too.
If he tries to say, "As long as you don't marry another woman," or something to that effect, I could say, "Or, I just be myself. And you don't have to be in my life." If he says he won't come to my wedding, I could say, "Well, then, you don't have to be in my life. If you would hurt me that way, you don't have to be in my life."
And one of the most effective arguments I have ever found is, "People--teenagers from Christian homes--kill themselves for being gay; it's not a choice. I wish it were!" 

I have also been practicing, "Yes,  God DID make Adam and Steve--God made everyone!" No one can argue with that logic!
I know that shrimp is called an abomination four times more than homosexuality in the bible ("I've seen you put an abomination in your mouth!") I know that Jesus, in healing the centurion's "servant," likely healed his gay lover, without asking if they were a couple, or telling them not to have sex, or even telling them not to "sin."
I know that the church, in the middle ages, had "brother-making" ceremonies that were basically gay marriages between men. And I know that the church was probably not too stupid to know what was likely going on, sexually. I know that the word "homosexual" has only been around since the mid to late 1800s, and that the verse on all kinds of sin that mentions "homosexuals" used to say "masturbators."
I have also practiced quoting my favorite bible verse: "Who are you to judge another man's servant? To his own master he stands or falls," and here is my favorite part, "And they will stand, for the Lord is able to make them stand."

But all of these arguments, ideally, I will not use. I try to shut down conversations, even in my own mind, in which I have to deal with crap that straight people don't. I deserve to be treated like an equal person, so I try to ignore the thoughts that make me defensive about something that harms no one and brings a lot of love and joy to people and their children.
So I try to visualize myself walking past a protestor holding an anti-gay sign, maybe even shouting at me, and getting myself a fancy coffee drink or another treat, on the other side of him or her. I walk on past, and go about my life, without arguing. This visualization is not easy, but it really does help.

Also practice saying whatever phrases you want, as quietly and softly as possible. You probably won't get in a shouting match, if you're not used to getting in shouting matches with this person or in general.
After realizing that addressing his bullying of me when I was a child was more important to me than coming out right now, I have been practicing saying, "You hurt me," for when I am ready to say something. And it's harder to whisper it, because whispering is more realistic to me than yelling or being confrontational.
But whispering or saying something softly also does something else: It lets you know that you will be heard and listened to, even if you can't shout someone down. And it doesn't matter whether the person you will talk to, actually listens to you. If it is safe to talk or come out, then know that you are enough of a listener for yourself. What matters is that you treat yourself as if you are important.

And yet there's a limit to how much practicing I can take. Now that I have a handful of short phrases to say, I try not to get sucked in, in my mind, whenever I am reminded of something he or someone else has said, or what I anticipate they could say.
It doesn't matter if you "win" the argument. Let them know that there will be no arguing--that your life, love, and relationship with God is not on the table for debate. That if they are unpleasant to be around, you simply won't be around them. Practicing shutting down the argument, is even more important than knowing what to say. And especially, practice shutting down the argument in your own mind. That may be the hardest thing of all to do, but it must be done, if you are to have any peace in your life.