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Friday, May 26, 2017

Harry Potter Fandom: Why Slytherin Is The Best House, And All Others Are Stupid Mudbloods (Even You, Ravenclaw)

 Note: In case you are put off by this, I am about to be very condescending about the Hogwarts houses. I'm a Slytherin, what did you expect? It's not easy to forget that you're superior in every way.

A friend of mine recently posted a photo of himself on Facebook, saying that he was just so cool.
"You finally joined Slytherin!" I commented. "Welcome, brother, to the House of Epic Evilness."
This guy is a proud Gryffindor (even though we all know that should be an oxymoron), so he asked why I thought he had joined Slytherin.
"Because you said you were cool, duh!" I answered.
"Still a Gryffindor," he replied, "Sorry to disappoint."
And he calls himself a self-respecting supervillain. Pathetic.

There are many myths involving Slytherin House, and so I thought I would dispel some of them for you ignorant Muggles. First of all, all other houses are just stupid--even Ravenclaw, the "smart" house. Here are the reasons why. I will go house by house:
Gryffindor is supposed to be the brave house, and yet it is far more useful to overcome your fears than to try not to feel them--to feel fear, and to do it anyway. By focusing on bravery instead of courage--feeling fear and doing it anyway--they are unintentionally saying that many children are unworthy of their house, which is especially damaging because they are seen as the good house, and the one at the center of the action in the Harry Potter series.
Ravenclaw is supposed to be the smart house. But studies have shown that when praised for being smart, children's focus is on looking smart, not on challenging themselves. And so they will not attempt tasks they do not think they can perfect the first time. Ravenclaws must answer a riddle before being let in to their dorms, but if they can't, how are they to find out the answer? Are they referred to an appropriate place to look in the library, to better themselves? Not from what I've seen. If you can't answer it, and no one will answer it for you, you're effectively banished, presumably to the "dumber" houses.
By focusing on being smart, instead of growth and learning, Ravenclaw House gives the impression that hard work, especially in intellectual pursuits, is either not necessary, or does not pay off. So kids end up both lazy and easily discouraged when they are not good at something right away.
Which brings us to Hufflepuff, the "hardworking" house. There is nothing wrong with working hard--but to what end? What are they working hard for? If it is academic pursuits, then why is Ravenclaw considered the smart house? Hufflepuff is the one that should have had riddles at its door. Then we would be teaching kids that smarts and hard work go hand in hand.
But that brings up the question, what is their reward for all this hard work? Which brings me to...

Slytherin. The ambitious house. The house that is constantly being told to curb the thing it is most famous for. The house that is a cautionary tale for the houses about ambition. What other house is told not to be itself "too much"?
The other houses could do with their own caveats and cautionary tales. It is precisely these cautionary tales which make us possibly better human beings.

So that is why all of the other houses are problematic. For my second major point, there is no such thing as a Slytherclaw, or a Gryffirin, or a Slytherpuff--the "combined houses". The other houses may combine their defects, but we are pureblood witches and wizards--we don't mix well with others. You can't be half awesome. It's all or nothing.

Finally, even our villains are better. When we become evil, we become Voldemort. When Gryffindors, the "good" house, become villains, they become Peter Pettigrew. We turn into the Dark Lord Who Must Not Be Named. They turn into a disgusting filthy rat.
(And all you people who have pet rats, don't get offended yet. This rat in particular was disgusting, filthy, and pathetic. Even the little Gryffindor blood traitor who was too poor for any other pet hated him. This is your lot in life if you don't time your inevitable corruption so that you're in the only proper house for it.)

And don't forget the invaluable contributions of Severus Snape. Who could do more good than someone who is perceived as bad? Without his spying, Voldemort would never have been defeated. We don't half-ass anything--when we're good, we're very good, and when we're bad, we're very bad. In a way, we're more hardworking than the Hufflepuffs. Ambition motivates you to make an effort, and can also banish fear and make you come up with clever strategies to get to your goals. We embody the good traits of all the other houses.
So we are both better good guys, and better bad guys--always. 

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