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Thursday, December 29, 2016

LGBT/Others: Practicing What To Say (And Trying Not To Argue)

I practice a lot, what I want to say to my homophobic uncle and others. I have been literally shouted down by him before, and that feeling was humiliating, like what I thought didn't matter. For many years, I felt like I had to hold everything in, so now I want to say what's on my mind, when I can. It's hard, in the moment, to actually do that, so I try to anticipate situations and prepare myself to respond the way that I want to.
I have found that it's best to practice as short an answer as possible, over and over. I have tried, "I am gay," "That's my business," (if he says anything about my relationship with God), and especially, "You don't have to be in my life." If he has a problem (and I don't know if he would make problems for me), I can say over and over, "You don't have to be in my life," or "I don't need you in my life," until I make my point. And I can always hang up or walk away, too.
If he tries to say, "As long as you don't marry another woman," or something to that effect, I could say, "Or, I just be myself. And you don't have to be in my life." If he says he won't come to my wedding, I could say, "Well, then, you don't have to be in my life. If you would hurt me that way, you don't have to be in my life."
And one of the most effective arguments I have ever found is, "People--teenagers from Christian homes--kill themselves for being gay; it's not a choice. I wish it were!" 

I have also been practicing, "Yes,  God DID make Adam and Steve--God made everyone!" No one can argue with that logic!
I know that shrimp is called an abomination four times more than homosexuality in the bible ("I've seen you put an abomination in your mouth!") I know that Jesus, in healing the centurion's "servant," likely healed his gay lover, without asking if they were a couple, or telling them not to have sex, or even telling them not to "sin."
I know that the church, in the middle ages, had "brother-making" ceremonies that were basically gay marriages between men. And I know that the church was probably not too stupid to know what was likely going on, sexually. I know that the word "homosexual" has only been around since the mid to late 1800s, and that the verse on all kinds of sin that mentions "homosexuals" used to say "masturbators."
I have also practiced quoting my favorite bible verse: "Who are you to judge another man's servant? To his own master he stands or falls," and here is my favorite part, "And they will stand, for the Lord is able to make them stand."

But all of these arguments, ideally, I will not use. I try to shut down conversations, even in my own mind, in which I have to deal with crap that straight people don't. I deserve to be treated like an equal person, so I try to ignore the thoughts that make me defensive about something that harms no one and brings a lot of love and joy to people and their children.
So I try to visualize myself walking past a protestor holding an anti-gay sign, maybe even shouting at me, and getting myself a fancy coffee drink or another treat, on the other side of him or her. I walk on past, and go about my life, without arguing. This visualization is not easy, but it really does help.

Also practice saying whatever phrases you want, as quietly and softly as possible. You probably won't get in a shouting match, if you're not used to getting in shouting matches with this person or in general.
After realizing that addressing his bullying of me when I was a child was more important to me than coming out right now, I have been practicing saying, "You hurt me," for when I am ready to say something. And it's harder to whisper it, because whispering is more realistic to me than yelling or being confrontational.
But whispering or saying something softly also does something else: It lets you know that you will be heard and listened to, even if you can't shout someone down. And it doesn't matter whether the person you will talk to, actually listens to you. If it is safe to talk or come out, then know that you are enough of a listener for yourself. What matters is that you treat yourself as if you are important.

And yet there's a limit to how much practicing I can take. Now that I have a handful of short phrases to say, I try not to get sucked in, in my mind, whenever I am reminded of something he or someone else has said, or what I anticipate they could say.
It doesn't matter if you "win" the argument. Let them know that there will be no arguing--that your life, love, and relationship with God is not on the table for debate. That if they are unpleasant to be around, you simply won't be around them. Practicing shutting down the argument, is even more important than knowing what to say. And especially, practice shutting down the argument in your own mind. That may be the hardest thing of all to do, but it must be done, if you are to have any peace in your life.

LGBT: When Something Is More Important Than Coming Out

I have often thought that I wanted to come out to my homophobic uncle, who bullied me horrendously when I was very small. And if he objected, I would say, "You tortured me when I was a child! You made me want to die, when I was six years old! You don't have to be in my life, and you can't talk to me about God, when you were the devil!" (I called him the devil, all those years ago, because I realized that it wasn't that he didn't care how much he hurt me; he did care--the more he hurt me, the happier he became! Just like the devil.)
I also fantasized about saying, "You probably think being gay comes from someone's childhood. Well, I guess you would know--you were the man who hurt me the most!" (I am female.)
But then I started to wonder if coming out was an excuse to say how much he had hurt me. And I realized that coming out as bisexual wasn't as important to me as telling him exactly how much he had hurt me, that I was still trying to heal from it.
Saying that seems harder, emotionally, than saying that I am gay or bi. He seems much nicer now, especially for him, but am I just supposed to pretend nothing happened, because he is nicer? I have been hurting from this, much longer than I have been hurting--and fighting my own arguing inner voices--because I knew I was not straight.
He has said before that "if you're gay, don't come out," as if he didn't know how cruel that was. But all my life, I have been living under this unwritten rule, that I can't say anything about his abuse, and especially about the incident when I called him the devil and he almost got in a physical fight with my mother over the way he threatened to "bust your ass" to me.
There is still a part of me that is afraid of him. I still remember being held upside down against my will, "tickled" on the ribs as I fought for breath against the physical pain. I felt like I was dying, like I was drowning. My mom thinks I have PTSD from it. I do too.
He lives with my grandparents, unfortunately. So if I go to visit them, I usually have to see him too. And I see him on holidays and birthdays, too. And I am tired of dreading seeing him.

So I feel like I should focus on getting ready to "come out" as someone who is still healing from his shit. And that is much scarier to me than simply coming out. I'm not sure when I'll be ready, but I'm going to try to love myself until I am.

I feel better about actually coming out as bisexual/gay, after hearing what my two aunts, his sisters, said recently. (I don't like either term very much, since it implies either 50-50, or 100%, and though I like both, I just see myself as happier with another woman.) They seemed to say neutral, or maybe even positive things, about a gay person they knew. Here is their exchange:

Aunt 1: "She said that she had a hard time with her son being gay, at first, because she thought she couldn't have grandchildren."
Aunt 2: "Well, she'll just have to do what I do, and love on other people's children."

And no, I have no idea whether Aunt 2 was implying anything about her own children, my cousins. At the very least, she thinks that one of them won't have children, or that she will have to wait a while.
So it seems that my aunts, for the most part, will not really care. That has made me feel a little better. In a strange way, it took off some of the internal pressure I feel about coming out (though I know I shouldn't feel this pressure).
And if it weren't for the unaddressed bullying, I would not care, at this point in my life, how my uncle reacted to my being gay. Perhaps by addressing the bullying, I can eventually also feel free enough to come out. But the bullying is harder to acknowledge and address.
Sometimes I think I want to call him, and talk. Yet I don't know if I should interrupt my everyday life to do that. And that subject never seems to come up at family gatherings.
And I still feel scared, scared to rock the boat and break an unwritten taboo in the family. But I used to be more scared. So maybe I won't always be this scared.
I am going to focus on "coming out," calmly (like I usually talk to him, not angrily), as being hurt by him. And, for the hardest part, in the meantime, I will try to break the habit of putting myself down for being "too weak" to say something (as if I wasn't trained since childhood to fear him, even if he isn't as much of a threat to me now).

Minimalism: How I Found A Career, Without Student Loan Debt

I have just completed my required class for Oregon, and passed my test to become a licensed tax preparer.
I am very excited about it, and because my teacher is also the manager of a local tax office, I also got a job offer. Liberty Tax, where I will be working, starts pay at a quarter above minimum wage, so in Oregon that would be about $10 an hour. The figures for experienced tax preparers, however, make it seem worth it in the long run.
So, for those who don't want to go into a bunch of debt in a job market that may not want you anyway, I'm going to tell you about it. I wanted to do a series about debtless jobs, but so far, I can only talk about my own experience. I will post other articles as I hear about other jobs, but I may not personally have worked them, so I cannot guarantee that they will be enjoyable or bearable.
Disclaimer: Granted, I have not started this job yet. It may be the bane of my existence, though I know of some people who prepare taxes half the year while being retired from their other jobs. If they do this, and they probably don't even have to work, I think I can do it too. And though it may be overwhelming at first, I can get the hang of it next year at the latest. In a few years, it will not be a big deal at all.
With that out of the way, here is my experience: I paid $250 for the materials, then took a night class twice a week. The class itself was free, since the company that sponsored it did it to recruit new employees.
 I found some figures given by Liberty about how much their preparers make on average, but I didn't trust those. So to get more accurate statistics, I looked up the Bureau of Labor Statistics webpage for this profession. And in my state, the Annual Mean Wage is $40,760-47,520. I don't know what the mean wage for my particular area is, or how much experience I will have to get to reach these numbers.
My teacher and soon-to-be boss says that tax preparers are actually hard to find. So apparently my new skills would be in demand. She also says that companies often look for help even in the middle of tax season (January through April 18).

If you live outside of Oregon, there aren't really any requirements for you to do this. Even in Oregon, going to school for it is not financially demanding, though it is mentally demanding. It's not that much effort and money at all, if you consider that it's actually like going to college and getting a degree for a job.
 In Oregon, you have to complete 80 hours of instruction and pass a state test. The state test is 163 questions, and you must get 75% correct (123 questions) to pass. You must pay a fee for the test, and if you're not in Salem, a proctoring fee to the local test site as well. Then you have to pay a fee for them to issue your license.
You can take the test multiple times--my local community college has state licensing tests (all kinds, not just for tax preparers) every month. I can also go to a neighboring county if I don't want to wait a month. However, the authorities send your test scores in the mail--not in an email or on a website. It could take up to 30 days to receive your results. Teacher says that it will probably take two weeks, but that it could be longer, especially in December, because many people throughout the state are taking the test in December. So I take my test in a few days, but probably won't know the result until after Christmas!
 You need 30 hours continuing education every year to practice, except for the first that you renew your license, since you just took a long course. I asked how I would even find 30 hours every year, and Teacher says that they will find you. Apparently I will get all kinds of advertisements for seminars and web courses. But for the first year after getting your license, you don't have to take the 30 hours, because you just had 80 hours of instruction already.
Preparers have to work under a Licensed Tax Consultant, the next rung in the system. If I become a consultant, I could start my own business. But for now, I don't want to worry about running a business, so I will be an employee this year and probably the next few years.

My cousin, who was prophesied at church to be a professional baseball player, couldn't make his college team. So he decided that he wanted to be a physical therapist.  He graduated with a four-year degree, which cost him tens of thousands of dollars. But he forgot to volunteer a certain number of hours which were required of him. He managed to find a job in his new profession, but I'm not sure how that's going to get him volunteer hours, if he gets paid for it. And he needs to go back to school to get a Master's degree, eventually, just to keep his new job. But he can't, if he can't get the volunteer hours.
In addition, he has to start paying his student loans very soon. His payments will be $400 a month, for a very long time
So now he's stuck, and he's burdened with a huge amount of debt, and he's only 22. It's a very fucked up system that lets him and millions of others get like this. And that's why I'm skeptical of it all. I have no college debt, and I will do everything in my power never to have it. People say that it's necessary to succeed in life. But how successful are you, really, if you have such burdens?
Apparently, I have to choose between being poor, and being in massive amounts of debt. I'll take poverty, thank you very much. At least I won't have the creditors breathing down my neck, as well as wondering about my financial future and job prospects.
But if this job is really all it's cracked up to be--and so far I have no reason to think that it isn't--then there is a middle ground. And I can always save up money and go back to school later, if I get a good job now.
I'm sure there are enough options like this out there, but the challenge is finding out about them. The likeliest source of information about jobs, to my mind, is the local community college. But then again, they are a college, and also a business, and they will try to sell me a degree.
So I must shift for myself, as far as guidance goes, and try to help others along the way. Hence this article.

Remember, this is a job--not your life! Especially with a seasonal job like this, you can work your job, if it's bearable, and make as much money as you can--and then have a life, that is enjoyable. I still plan to save money to maybe go back to school or take online courses about things I'm interested in. I still dream of one day publishing a novel. And I still want to blog about minimalism, art, and LGBT stuff.
My homophobic uncle seems to think that one's job defines them. He has complained to my mother, "I'm just a mill worker!...I'm just a janitor!...I'm just..." and you can fill in the blank.
Meanwhile, the local lumber mill is very much unionized--there are some good benefits to working there! They also, I have heard, are hurting for workers who can pass a drug test, so anyone clean is a valuable worker.
And as for being "just a janitor," well--he was "just a janitor"...for the freaking school district! He was a government employee.
So he has had some very good jobs, and felt belittled by them. He thinks there is shame in honest work. After my grandfather--his father--supported a wife and four kids on a mill worker's salary, and still wears his union caps to this day...my uncle was humiliated by being no "better" than his own father. I seriously hope that my grandfather doesn't hear what he says. I wonder if it would hurt him, being "just" a mill worker.
(My uncle used to look down on the janitors at his own schools, thinking they were "losers," so he now feels judged by kids. And yes, that actually bothers him, apparently. He is in his mid fifties now--I know, I'm rolling my own eyes, too!)

So get the best, most palatable kind of job you can, whether it's this, or something else. And don't worry about the "status" of your job. Please don't do that to yourself. Be proud of who you are. And be proud of any kind of honest work. Don't put others down for their professions (even if you live in Nevada and don't like prostitution, for example), and don't have people in your life who disapprove of yours. Cut them out, as much as you can.
And above all, be good to yourself. You deserve a good job, you deserve not to go into a whole bunch of debt, and you deserve not to care what others think of you.

Saturday, December 17, 2016

Book Review: Romancing The Inventor by Gail Carriger

 *Spoilers*

I had high hopes for this book, about steampunk Victorian lesbians. However, all I can truly say about it is that it is...somewhat entertaining--not that it's as spectacular as I had thought it would be. There was a lot of potential there, but not much payoff for what it could be. It was worth the four dollars I paid for it as an ebook, but I wouldn't bother paying fourteen dollars for the paperback, and I won't bother buying any other books by the same author any time soon.

The thing that bothered me most about this book was that, despite its title, Romancing The Inventor, the main character, Imogene the parlourmaid, does not actually do much to woo the inventor, Genevieve. She also does not do anything to save herself from the (male and female) vampires who want to rape and eat her. Nearly everything is done for her. The werewolves even unexpectedly save her towards the end--because they were called by the inventor!
For a long while, she doesn't even contradict Genevieve (the inventor--her name is much too similar to Imogene's own name) when she assumes Imogene is straight.
 Imogene only once actually does something to woo Genevieve, literally stripping naked after Genevieve had saved her many times already. She is also satisfied with a one-night stand with the woman she's pining after, knowing that Genevieve could not love her. (Though I'm not sure how a lesbian in that world would know how to find other lesbians, so it almost makes sense for her to be satisfied with scraps of affection. But she does have an opportunity to go to London and work in a hat shop, so there is at least a possibility of the big city being more liberal and diverse. She does not take this opportunity, preferring to pine after Genevieve instead.)
The rest of the time, Imogene does nothing to flirt or seduce Genevieve. She does not wear low-cut dresses or lean over her work. She does not shake out her hair, or talk about "the sisterhood of women" and how wonderful it is. She does not even come out to her, for a while. All these things are cliche, but they are at least something.
Even the plan to woo Genevieve, towards the end of the story, is thought of by Genevieve's friend, Lady Maccon. Imogene simply goes along with the plan. And then, like magic, Genevieve changes her mind and decides that she can love again! And the catalyst for this is not shown; there is no one moment when she realizes what she is missing without Imogene.
Ultimately, this is not a story about an ambitious parlourmaid trying to find love and rise above her station, in spite of the obstacles in nineteenth-century Britain. This is about a parlourmaid who luckily makes friends in high places, through no effort of her own. It should have been about Genevieve, wrestling with her own demons. At least then, there would have been an internal conflict for the main character, and therefore more of a conflict for the story.

And at first, Genevieve woos Imogene, before pulling back emotionally from her. Imogene also has thoughts that indicate she is only just discovering her sexuality, even though she has known for a long time now that she likes women and not men. So the plot is confused about what it wants to be.

There was not much explanation about Lady Maccon, Genevieve's friend who married a werewolf. It was even brought up that she and her husband had a daughter, but that it was supposed to be impossible for werewolves and humans to interbreed. (At least, that is how I interpreted it, as it actually said, "Everyone knew that it was impossible for either werewolves or vampires to breed." How then do these beings come into existence in this world? Do humans become them by biting, or is there some other mechanism?) None of these questions are answered in this book.
There is even mention of the "risks" of trying to become an immortal vampire by being bitten by one. But there is no explanation of what these risks are. Characters act like being bitten by a vampire robs you of your soul or something, but I don't know what the side effects are, to being bitten but not killed. (And apparently, not becoming a vampire, either.) So as Imogene is about to be bitten by the vampire queen, I actually thought, "What's the big deal?" when it seemed that I was meant to be very anxious about that.
It was obvious that this book was meant to be merely a piece of the puzzle that is this story world. As soon as Lady Maccon and her werewolf husband were mentioned, I knew that that was just a tie-in to many other of Carriger's stories.
Genevieve even talks about her late partner, Angelique, dying and "going to ghost," which sounds like it may not necessarily be what I'm thinking of, depending on the mechanism for becoming a ghost in this world--which is not explained. There is also no appearance by the ghost of Angelique, if she indeed is a ghost. The author could have explored this in the story--in fact, it would have been interesting if Angelique had accused Genevieve of not truly loving her or their son, because she was thinking about moving on. Their son, Quesnel, is also mentioned--Genevieve even visits him--but he plays no part in the story at all. (All of these extra vampires and werewolves, and not one brief visit by Genevieve's ex or her son!)
So because it doesn't explain everything, or at least, the questions the story itself raises, this only does "okay" as a stand-alone story. It is not that great, standing on its own.

Something that is also unrealistic (admittedly, in a world of vampires and werewolves) is the fact that Imogene could not read, but was a genius at arithmetic. If she did not go to school because she comes from a poor country family, then how would she think to memorize sums? She would have to spend hours counting on her fingers, without any schooling, and it is unclear whether she knows how to write down numbers.
It is not even very likely that should would be illiterate, according to Wikipedia. ("Despite lacking a system of free and compulsory primary schooling, England managed to reach near universal literacy in the nineteenth century as a result of shared, informal learning systems such as family members, fellow workers, and/or benevolent employers, to name a few.") Interestingly enough, however, because she was a female of the lower classes, she may have been able to read, but unable to write. She would have been more likely able to write if she were male--there was a gap with the sexes at that time.
So it is unlikely she would not be able to read, but likely that she would not be able to write. And the story does not mention that most people know how to read, and she is one of the few that do not. Indeed, it seems to imply that it is common in her village, not to know how to read. She does not even know how to sign her name.

The subplot with her mother and "the littles," an unknown number of her younger siblings (of which we know nothing of sexes or ages, much less their characters), is suddenly dropped at the end, after she is saved by the werewolves. No mention is ever made of her mother or family again. We don't know how her mother would react, when she would find out about Imogene's proclivities or new relationship. She does not find out, in the book.
Her mother is nagging to her, and very proper, but I had the impression that she does love Imogene and want what's best for her. So I wanted to see that conversation. But like in Timekeeper by Tara Sim, it is not shown at all, or even told briefly.

I'm not sure it's worth your time, unless you were curious about it already. But I think you will be disappointed. The Kindle version, in this case, is the cheapest; don't buy paperback, because you can read Kindle books on your computer. Like I said before, I won't be buying anything else by this author unless I cannot find any good gay stories at all.
...With a possible exception of the first book in Carriger's Finishing School series--that one was already ordered and on the way when I started this one. It has a great premise--a girl learning, in school, how to be a proper lady and an excellent assassin--but then again, this book had a great premise, too...
We will see.

Book Review: Timekeeper by Tara Sim (4 of 4)--Killing Draco Malfoy And My Final Thoughts

 *Spoilers*

This is a very cute little book...except for one thing which I do not like about it. There is a bully character, Lucas, who hates Danny for taking his spot as the youngest to be certified as a clock mechanic. He teases Danny mercilessly about being gay, and looks down on him for coming from a poorer background than he. His class snobbishness reminds me of Draco Malfoy, the bully from the Harry Potter series who looks down on those who don't come from prestigious magical families.
But imagine if, instead of giving Draco Malfoy a redemption arc, Rowling had instead killed him off, graphically, in the very first novel. Not only would it have been a needless death in a children's book, it would have thrown off the balance of the whole series. Harry's rivalry with Draco is one of the central conflicts in the story. Without Draco, it wouldn't have been as interesting.
Tara Sim killed off her Draco, by having him die of an explosion, embedding a clock gear into his chest as he choked on his own blood. (Yes, this is a Young Adult novel, people!)
Harry Potter had plenty of death, but Rowling didn't kill off a kid until the end of the fourth book. (Not counting the girl who became a ghost fifty years ago, that we meet in the second book. If they're ghosts, I don't think of it as a real death, so it's not so bad.) And there was way too much death in Harry Potter, anyway, in my opinion--it's a world full of wizards and magic, and Rowling didn't want to have everyone survive because that wouldn't be "realistic"?
Sim lost so much potential, here, by killing off the bully halfway through the first book. What would have happened, if Lucas had found out about Colton, his clock spirit boyfriend? Sim wasted an opportunity to use the phrase, "the cock of the clock" or "cock o' clock." Lucas's teasing would have been the perfect opportunity for Colton to comfort Danny. And since Lucas, like any other clock mechanic, can sense "time fibers," how would Colton use those fibers to take his revenge? If Lucas punches Colton in the face, what will happen to the clock face itself?
Like Draco Malfoy, this character was very much needed in this story. Voldemort may have been Harry's ultimate enemy, but Draco provided the everyday conflict. And his bullying tactics were brilliant, too, making me almost feel bad for laughing at them--singing "Weasely is our king," because Ron was so bad at magical sports that he let Draco's team win, and making magical flashing badges that say "Potter Stinks." As long as Sim didn't make Lucas overly homophobic and therefore truly hurtful, she really could have had fun with this character! Can you imagine how funny it would have been if Lucas had had a badge that flashed, "Danny Stinks"?
There is also no opportunity for Lucas to redeem himself in any way. What if Lucas was closeted all along, and that's why he picked on Danny? There are so many wasted opportunities, when killing the bully with clock cogs in the first book.

This was also the first time that the book switched to a perspective other than Danny's, so of course I thought, "As soon as we see other characters' points of view, they're going to die!" And when the book switched to a girl character who was somewhat like Lucas...she nearly did! She got somewhat of a redemption arc, though she had never really picked on Danny, to my knowledge, and she aided the bad guy out of ignorance, not evilness. She's obviously going to be a recurring character, though it's not the same as having a Malfoy, because she doesn't even pick on Danny and she's a somewhat sympathetic character.
The book became very predictable, in that aspect. And because it's the first in a trilogy, the whole series is going to be predictable in that way. It might have been nice to have other perspectives, and not have them get maimed or killed off, especially right away. But now we know what's going to happen, every time another character even has a thought of their own!

I would also like to know if the knowledge that towers do indeed have spirits, would affect the way that Danny repairs other towers. Is he assigned to repair other towers, during this time? The book doesn't say if he is.
 If I knew the towers could understand me, I would explain, "Here is what I am going to do. Your gears need cleaning, and your minute hand is rusting, so first I'm going to..." And I would address the tower by name, since Colton is also the name of Colton Tower. I would explain who I was, why I was there, and that I would take care of them. Kind of like how I treat injured animals now.

I just finished this book, and overall...it was okay. I kept reading, because I wanted to find out what happened next, but it wasn't that exciting. The tension of the final climax went on and on, and I kept waiting for something definitive to happen. Eventually, it did, but I had already seen that mixing clock cogs and human blood did something to the time fibers, so I knew that that would figure into the story later. I wasn't sure how that enabled him to actually control time, though, and the book brought the question up, but left it unanswered for now.
And when Danny did finally defeat the surprise bad guy, save Colton, and get his dad back, all I could think was, "Yep, those are the loose ends that will set things up for the next book. Right on time." It was very formulaic. Danny also did not tell his dad about Colton, at the end of the book, and according to the timeline, his dad would not even know he was gay. But since the other characters, other than Lucas, hardly reacted to it, there's not much tension or suspense on that front.
I really didn't care about the subplots regarding Danny's trauma from an accident at work, and his relationship with his mother. Those subplots have been done to death, and I knew that they would be resolved in the end, anyway--so why have them there? It's like how many heroes in thrillers struggle with alcoholism. You know that they're either going to get or stay sober in the end, so why have it? It's a cliche now.
One thing that also bothered me was that Danny and his mother seemed poor at first, then at the end, she buys him a new car for Christmas. A new car! And all this time Danny is wearing an old, tight, worn suit to special occasions, and has a worn collar on the jacket he wears every day, and is made fun of by Lucas for not being "successful" enough! The story can't decide what socioeconomic class he is in!
I actually rolled my eyes when his friend Cassie, an auto mechanic, invents the seat beat, or "auto holster," after her brother dies in an accident. Because in a world where the Industrial Revolution happened hundreds of years before it happened in ours, no one thought to strap people in so that they don't fly out of cars and break their necks. I feel like this subplot was just there to give Cassie something "important" to do, since the seat belt later saves his life. (As if he would bother with it, when he's not even used to wearing it, and Colton's life is on the line!)
I was also a bit confused by the description of his first auto. It said that the roof leaked, but then it talked of him wearing goggles to drive the car. So does the thing have a windshield or not? I don't think it's one of those old-timey cars where the (paid) driver sits outside, since the book mentions him looking back at Colton--and how would his dad afford a car made for rich people, anyway? The closet description of the auto that I could surmise was that it had a roof, but no windshield--it simply was like an overhang, over the driver and passengers. But how then would it say that the roof leaked, and therefore the auto flooded? Wouldn't the auto flood just because the rain came in under the roof as it moved?
I still have no idea, to this day, what his auto is supposed to look like, or why it actually floods. It was a very confusing description. (But one part that made me laugh was that Danny, frustrated that it wouldn't start, reacted to a policeman's inquiry as, "Of it's mine! It's a piece of shit, isn't it?" This book was sure a potty-mouth, for something written for fourteen-year-olds!)

When the second installment in this series comes out, I will buy it and read it. But only out of curiosity, not because it's necessarily all that entertaining. It's worth reading, at least until the big climax, because it is interesting to see all of the Victorian characters not even care that Danny is gay. But, well...it could have been written much better. It had so much potential there, and it ultimately felt very wasted. The author could at least have given us flashbacks, so that we know what Danny's coming out was like.

Book Review: Timekeeper by Tara Sim (3 of ?)--A Clock's Sexuality

Some of my reviews do not have spoilers, but this one does.

This is the tale of Danny, the boy who fell in love with a clock. Danny finds out that the boy he is falling in love with, is actually a "clock spirit," the spirit of the clock tower in a small town.
They strike up a friendship, even though the spirit, Colton, cannot leave his tower. When he had thought the boy was a human, Danny had told him the tale of Rapunzel, a princess trapped in her own tower. After Danny learns the truth, Colton kisses him.
He later explains, "It sounded nice in the fairy tales, so I thought it would be nice to kiss you."


Danny is gay, and everyone in his life knows it and doesn't care--in a world very much like our Victorian England. (But not in this way.) I've often wondered if there were other kinds of LGBT people in this world (I would love to see how this world that is largely indifferent to gay people would feel about transgender people, for example), and I believe I have found another kind of LGBT person:

It took considerable courage for Danny to ask, "Have you ever kissed anyone before me?"
Colton thought, then shook his head. "I don't think so. I've thought about it, though. There used to be a girl down the street who was very pretty. But that was a long time ago."

I never thought I would read a story about a bisexual clock tower! That is an interesting way to get some sexual diversity in your novel!

Danny, who had anticipated this answer, took a moment to reorganize his thoughts. So you would have kissed me if I was a girl?"
"I would have kissed you if you were a girl. I would have kissed you if you were purple." 

 Oh, well excuse the hell out of me, then! :) It's a pansexual clock tower! :)
I think it is very sweet, the way Colton falls in love with Danny, apparently, because of his good heart and his gentle hands. (When repairing the clock tower itself--you had a dirty mind, didn't you?)
I hope they meet some transgender people in this series. Some of the clock spirits are female, though I don't know of any that go from one thing to another, or are sometimes one thing and sometimes another.

I hate to say this, but...it would more interesting if they talked about having sex. The cover says that the book is for "ages 14 and up," so if the seventeen-year-old character and his ageless boyfriend decided that they weren't ready yet, that would send a positive message to kids about it being okay to wait until they're ready or older. It would also let them know that people they date shouldn't pressure them to do things they don't want to.
I'm about halfway through the book, and Danny and Colton's relationship is getting serious, so it would make sense for Colton to say that he feels strange and wonderful in his body when with Danny, and that he wants to do something very special with him. And since Colton is a clock tower and wouldn't know about human sexuality (or his own sexuality, since he's not really human), Danny can explain what people in love sometimes do together. They can then decide together if they want to do anything, and if so, what to do and when. I must admit that I am a little curious to see what happens if a clock tower has a climax, since Colton did make his bells go off once by laughing too hard as he and Danny played hide and go seek.
There are already indications of Danny's desire, such as their passionate kissing, and one moment where he wanted to "wrap his body around Colton." A friend also asks Danny if Colton is "into the weird stuff" when he expresses doubts about whether they should be together.

(This part added to the draft after I read some more of the book):

I explained that I didn't think that a clock tower would know anything about human sexuality, but apparently, I was wrong! Colton, the tower spirit, is jealous because he saw another boy kissing Danny, when Danny was drunk.
"Why don't you kiss me like that?" he demands. Danny said that he "didn't know how." I'm not sure how Danny would not know how to passionately kiss someone. There didn't seem to be anything else going on between him and the other boy.
Colton thinks for a moment, then says,"I've seen it often enough," which, when combined with what happens next, makes me wonder if people are doing sexual acts outdoors all the time in this small town.
Colton and Danny start kissing passionately, falling onto the ground. Then Colton "reached his hand into Danny's trousers." (This book is ages 14 and up, according to the cover jacket. That is rather interesting.) It becomes rather vague at this point, only saying that Danny could think of nothing but Colton's lips and his hand, and, "Oh, god, his hand!"
 I assume they don't want to use the words "wrapped around his penis," in a kids' novel, but that's certainly implied. I'm not sure how this is less sexual than mentioning actual sexual parts.

This brings up so many questions: How does Colton know what Danny has in his pants, and that it brings pleasure and isn't just for peeing? He would surely see men, and occasionally women, peeing outdoors, but what did he see to educate him on other things?
What does Colton have in his own pants, being a clock tower and a spirit? If the pendulum of the tower itself are his lungs, and the central cog is his heart, then what is his you-know-what, and what would it even be useful for--making little baby clock towers? Do clock towers pee? Perhaps rain water is the clock tower's pee--but then if he had gargoyles, his pee-pee would be on his head. And if he had gutters, he would have two or more pee-pees on his feet.
I have been wondering, anyway, why he wears a very loose shirt, when he is a clock spirit and, unless his tower is very top-heavy and uneven (as if that is safe!), his shirt should be as tight as his pants--to my mind, at least. I've also been very curious as to what would happen if a spirit were wearing eyeglasses--what sort of wire contraption on the clock face would correspond to eyeglasses? And why do clock spirits have ears? Why do they have tongues, for that matter?

So Colton and Danny start to...fool around. We don't get to know what happens if a clock tower has a sexual climax, however. As he begins to manually stimulate Danny, Danny notices that the hands on the clock face are going round at an alarming rate, as days and nights go by in a blur. Danny makes him stop, and Colton has to concentrate very hard in order to bring time back into proper balance.
 So depending on your perspective, they either did have sex, or they tried to. I'm sure Danny would have stimulated Colton, after his "turn," but I'm not sure it counts if one person starts to be stimulated, but they must stop. And if this is how Colton reacts, when only doing things to Danny, how would he react, if Danny was doing things to him?
There are so many questions that make me morbidly curious, but that aren't answered in this first book. And since it came out in 2016, I assume that it will be a few years before we understand the logic of a clock tower's anatomy and sexuality--if we do at all.

Tuesday, December 13, 2016

Book Review: Timekeeper by Tara Sim (2 of ?)--No Spoilers Review, And Something Interesting

I'm reading Timekeeper by Tara Sim, about a clock mechanic in a world kind of like Victorian London, but where the fabric of time itself is controlled by the clock towers; they don't just measure time, they keep time itself running.
One thing that is interesting about the main character, Danny, is that at the start of the story, he had already told everyone in his life, months ago, that he preferred boys over girls. He is only seventeen, in 1875, and he told everyone. And the text even says that "most people treated him the same as before."
There's a problem with this story, though--I want to see those conversations! What is it like in a Victorian society in which homosexuality, at least in London, is no big deal? How does coming out go, in this world?

One little thing that just amazed me was an exchange between Danny and his mentor at work, Matthias. Matthias teased Danny, saying that with the way he looked, he must be smitten with someone. Danny, a little embarrassed, confirmed that yes, that was the case.

 "You'll have to tell me all about her. Rather, him," Matthias amended with an apologetic smile. "Sorry. Sometimes I forget."

He forgot that Danny was gay! In what world does that happen? In ours, no one would forget, no matter how little it upset them, unless they had dementia or some other problems.
Even my 86-year-old grandfather (without dementia) now says "someone" instead of "husband" when talking about my future spouse, though I only used the phrase, "husband or wife" just once! He forgets a lot of things about my life, but I use a phrase one time that indirectly indicates that I'm bisexual, and it seems that he remembers that! And I have never even had a girlfriend, much less both a girlfriend and a boyfriend in succession.
It sounds like this society is a lot more advanced than ours, in a way. There is no gay marriage, as far as I can tell (though a wedding was described briefly in gender-neutral terms: "I have wanted those two to get together since they were children.")

In this world, the death penalty for homosexual acts was just repealed one decade before, and people in smaller towns tend to be more conservative (just like our world, or how people say our world is, though my mom and I have held hands in small towns and not been harassed as a "gay couple," unlike in "liberal" Eugene, Oregon, the biggest city around me).
And yet "in London, people regarded it with barely a 'good heavens!'" The people who think it "unnatural" (the word "immoral" is not used in this book) are referenced only indirectly and briefly. Danny's mother wants grandchildren and wants him to marry her friend's daughter, but does not say much overall about it. I wish I knew more about what she had initially said, but the story starts months after he came out.
This is why a lot of people say "Show, don't tell" when talking about writing stories. The author does not even do flashbacks, and I really wish she had. Or better yet, incorporate his coming out into the story, because it would really work well with what I mentioned about his new boyfriend in the last post (spoilers).

The author has a brief guide for the story world in the back of the book, where she says, "With the number of secrets he keeps close to his chest, I didn't want this important, fundamental part of him to be a secret as well."
But it doesn't have to be a secret for long in this story! If she wanted to, Sim could have put his coming out towards the beginning, or even opened with it. She could even do flashbacks. Just please, give us something!

I guess the moral here is, if your story world differs from our world in a significant way, then show it. Let your readers see what an ideal world looks like, what a dystopian world looks like, how a supportive, or bad, or even a comical character reacts to your situations and people. How is your world different from the one we all know? Show the difference--don't tell it. Your readers will want to see it, anyway.

Sunday, December 11, 2016

Book Review: Timekeeper by Tara Sim (1of ?): Is Danny Homosexual, Or Chronosexual?

A great fantasy book about young gay romance: Spoilers for Timekeeper by Tara Sim. (In other words, don't read this one, Mom.)

I'm only about a quarter into the book. It takes place in an alternative Victorian England, where time itself is controlled by the clock towers, and if they break, everything stops and the city is lost forever on a loop. Very interesting.
Danny, a clock tower mechanic, falls in love with a boy he later learns is a clock spirit. He is falling in love with the clock tower itself! It is neat, how the author has the spirit's, Colton's, hand shriveled up when the minute hand is bent, etc. Then he is whole again when Danny fixes him. 
 
But I wish that the story hadn't said before this, that Danny knew he liked other boys, and had told the people in his life. I would have loved to see the mystery of, "Am I in love with Colton because he's a boy, or because he's a clock?" In other words, is Danny chronosexual? (How do you like the word I invented?)
He has a friend who's a girl, so that's perfect. He would plan to marry the girl someday, because he already loves her in a way, though he doesn't understand what all the fuss is about romance. Then he's in denial for a bit, wondering why the spirit of the clock would manifest to him as a boy! And finally, he accepts himself, and his clock boyfriend.
 
I really like how bits of clock mythology, with Chronos the Time-God and his four children, are strewn in between chapters. It really sets up the world and the mindset of the clock mechanics and the people, even though this world seems, for the most part, the same as our modern notions of Victorian England. Two exceptions are that it is more technologically advanced in this world, and that women and girls are also clock mechanics--and auto mechanics! 
I thought the addition of steam-powered autos to that world was rather cool. It reminded me of reading about Nazi-occupied France (years ago, source unavailable), where some cars were powered with steam and burned wood instead of fuel, because fuel was unavailable. (I've often wondered if that were not a better option than burning fossil fuels, though I'm not sure our current forests could take it. Perhaps a combination would be ideal, whether in the same auto or in autos as a whole?)
 
I kind of know where this story is going, as it is. At some point, someone is going to remove Colton's central cog--his heart--and Danny will have to bring him back to life, but there will be complications standing in his way, and he will be devastated, thinking that he's going to lose Colton. Maybe there won't be another cog available, or Danny will be kidnapped or something. That is what I predict will happen.
Also, you know that Danny is going to have a showdown with a villain in the tower, and just when all hope is lost, the tower itself will fight for him, striking the bad guy with numerals and stuff. That is also what I predict will happen.
 
This is the first in a trilogy, and unfortunately this book "came out" in 2016, so I'll probably have to wait two years at least for the next installment. So my predictions are long-term rather than short-term; if these things don't happen in this book, I think they will happen in the next two. 
I find myself skipping parts of it, to get to what I really want to know about Colton and Danny, but I really like this series. Gay Steampunk stories seem to be really "in" right now, and I love it! These stories, well...they mean a lot to me right now, because I am currently writing my own story with LGBT characters and elements of fantasy in the "real" world. Someday I may even do Steampunk. And now I have inspiration.

Sunday, December 4, 2016

LGBT/Book Review: Legally Blonde (Epilogue): My Thoughts About The Author

I was very critical of the Legally Blonde novel, twice, because it is not nearly as great as the movie. But then I remembered one of author Amanda Brown's characters, Larry, was a pretty decent poet. And as far as I could tell, they were also her original poems. I'm not very much interested in poetry, and the love poems are of course a little sappy for my taste.
But I thought it interesting that a good poet could write a crappy novel, that got made into an amazing movie...which had nothing at all to do with her poetry. (I could not find the lines again in the book, and I'm not about to read that trash again, but I do remember something about "a stolen kiss, a little theft," and little sips and sweet breath. Decent enough--some people would like it.) 
I also was very harsh on the author for having a book full of paper-thin stereotypes, while the feminist was not a lesbian and the author's fabulous blonde did not have a gay best friend to tell her how fabulous she is. All of her characters are white, straight, cisgender, able-bodied, rich, and extremely boring. I could easily see the author being homophobic. Never has the absence of a Z-snap been so loud.

But then I did some digging, about Amanda Brown's poetry, and came across something called Freedom For Equality. Here is a line from it:

But now its time to stand up and fight
To let everyone know
That being gay is alright


I'm not sure I'm crazy about the rhyming, or the obviousness of it all, but that is a message I can get behind 100%. Apparently, the author of Legally Blonde was not homophobic, after all!

But then I found out that there are two Amanda Brown's. The Equality one is ten years younger than the Blonde one, and has a different birthday. I also could not find any of the Blonde one's poetry on the internet, in spite of having a nice sample of it in her otherwise horrible book.
So the Blonde Amanda Brown looks even worse now, in comparison to the Equality Amanda Brown. Blonde Amanda, you are not looking very good in my book. The other one may not be as flowery in her descriptions of love, but she stands up for ALL love, and that is beautiful in and of itself.
There is a time to speak plainly, and a time to speak in flowery metaphors. There are subjects in which one should speak plainly, too.
To make my own metaphor, it doesn't matter how pretty your singing voice is, if you are singing for admiration, and the person next to you is singing for their freedom or that of others.
I was feeling a little bad about being mean to a real person with feelings, but I'm not so sure she's a very good person anymore.
I never thought Amanda Brown could disappoint me even more. Or that the missing Z-snap could ring even louder.

Wednesday, November 30, 2016

Book Review: Legally Blonde (Part 2 of 2)--Only Straight, White Stereotypes Need Apply

 (Here is Part 1)

In Legally Blonde by Amanda Brown, Elle Woods' classmates are a bunch of one-dimensional stereotypes, and that is all there is to them.
There is the feminist stereotype, trying to change people's word usage. There are two hippies, with their sprout and tofu sandwiches. There is the bookworm girl.
There are the Trekkies, who of course are smart in their classes and socially clueless. At first, she is picked on by them, in a reversal of how it was in high school for her. That could have been interesting, but it went absolutely nowhere. She also learns nothing from it, and the head Trekkie even sends her cookies for Valentine's Day. Because of course he wants her, even though she wouldn't give him the time of day!
(About Valentine's Day--one thing I thought was strange, was that everyone seemed to dress up in festive clothes on all the holidays. Do people do that in California, where it's set? Most don't do that in Oregon, where I live.)
I don't even know why the author chose to give all of these people names, for how little they impact the story. I remember forgetting  all about them, then wondering who was Larry, who was Sidney, etc, when they were mentioned later.
For a book about how the snooty students at Stanford underestimate Elle because they stereotype her, Elle seems to be doing a whole lot of stereotyping, herself.
They don't impact her story at all, because she doesn't get to know them at all. She becomes friends with only one of them, Eugenia, who literally does nothing but tell her how great she is and how she's smarter than Eugenia. (And that job could have easily been handed off to a gay best friend, who would have made the story marginally more interesting.)
I get the impression that the author based her stereocharacters on people she really encountered at school. But we don't get to know them at all. So how well did she really know them? They are nothing but stereotypes to us, because they were nothing but stereotypes to her.

There is one small "surprise" in the story, in that "Larry," just another forgettable character, turns out to be her secret admirer, who writes poetry to her and helps her by giving her class outlines that I assume literally any college student could have gotten for themselves. Don't they give these out at the beginning of the class, anyway? They sure did at my community college! So I assume they would do the same at an Ivy League school. I'm sure there is also a place online where she can look it all up. It really doesn't do anything at all to show that she's smart, or that he's helpful and clever.
I'm also not sure why Elle is so surprised that Larry writes poetry, because she had to have known that one of her classmates...was writing poetry!  There is nothing where she thinks that it couldn't possibly be him, no scene where she even wonders who it might be (as if love poetry just shows up in her mailbox because that's how the universe works). Her admirer is not even revealed to be a woman, because that would both be an interesting twist, and would give representation to an LGBT person. It couldn't even be Eugenia.
And of course the pretty, popular girl has a secret admirer and gets an apartment filled with flowers on Valentine's day. Does this happen at your school, much less at college?
And of course, the secret poetry writer is secretly in love with her, even though they've spent absolutely no time together, and he confesses his love to her. But that, too, goes nowhere! She doesn't return his love, and she doesn't have to let him down easily or fend him off because he's become a stalker. He confesses his love, and she doesn't even really reply to him, just gets in her car and drives off. I've actually quite forgotten what happens--because nothing happened! And we never see Larry again! I remember thinking that this should be an interesting scene, but it's not.

There are so many paper-thin stereotypes that weren't even filler, because they didn't do their job of filling up pages. The book even describes what conversations she overheard while waiting in line to purchase her books. And the conversations have no bearing on her or the plot at all. They're just the typical conversations one overhears while out and about--nothing interesting or special at all!
But there is one stereotype whose absence is really felt, in a book about stereotypes and fabulous blondes. You can probably guess who I'm talking about. Elle Woods has no Gay Best Friend (TM). Never has the absence of a Z-snap been so loud.
There are male hairdressers, however that in itself is not representation, and they don't play much of a role in the story at all.
I thought that perhaps it was a Young Adult book, and that YA books were squeamish about LGBT people. But I found nothing on the cover to indicate that it was a YA book, no mention of the author even writing YA books.
There are also scenes in which Elle "leaned forward seductively," and said that she wanted to keep her and Warner's celebration "going all night long." She thinks about nights spent in his arms. So even though it's rather tastefully done, it's very plain that she has premarital sex, plans and all but asks for sex, and is never sorry about any of it! And they sexualize LGBT people! Double standard, much?
I thought perhaps that the author was homophobic, but she has male hairdressers and never mentions their wives or girlfriends. (And don't bother wondering--they don't even say anything, or touch Elle's hair, so they're not worth your time, either.) She had to have known what she was implying. And again, she's perfectly okay with premarital sex among her characters, so she apparently isn't religious.
She could have easily made the feminist stereotype a lesbian, too--that's another stereotype, which she apparently likes. But the character's sexuality is not mentioned, and Elle doesn't even think about it.
The movie does a better job of including gay characters, even though the three (two?) characters explicitly stated to be gay are walking stereotypes. I wondered if there were two, because a stereotypical male hairdresser makes an appearance to remark on the "bend-and-snap" technique. (Another thing missing from the book, along with the subplot about the manicurist having a crush on the UPS guy.) He may not be gay in the movie's canon, but he's definitely coded gay. Come to think of it, both the poolboy and his boyfriend might be bisexual, even though Elle assumes the poolboy is gay. Regardless, the film does portray at least two LGBT characters, which is two more than the book.

And speaking of lack of diversity, all of the students, in both her schools, are all white, straight, cisgender, able-bodied, and come from wealthy, upper-class backgrounds. No one is described to be otherwise. And even they don't take Elle's dream of starting the Blonde Legal Defense Fund seriously. (That's book-only, thank goodness.)
As a blonde, let me say--Elle, please stop! Even if there is anti-blonde discrimination, it is not systemic, not pervasive, and in some places, being a blonde might actually help get you a job (Fox News, for example, though apparently there is also a problem of sexual harassment at that company--something brunettes go through too). There is also the little detail that, unless one dyes their hair, most blondes are white. I am afraid that fighting for the rights of blondes makes a mockery of other fights for equality.
It is also quite clear that Elle is a very wealthy young woman. She does not think once about the cost of tuition to an Ivy League school, her own private, pet-friendly apartment off-campus, or about paying off her years at state college. She "had to trade in her BMW for a Beemer." (Boo-hoo, poor little rich girl.) I'll bet it wasn't a used Beemer, either. She also has designer luggage and clothes, and the descriptions of her clothing made me think that she had quite a lot of clothes. She apparently brought evening clothes to college with her, and apparently has Halloween costumes and a special outfit, covered in hearts, that she only wears on Valentine's Day. That's an awful lot of waste, right there--of time, money, space, etc. Kind of like the book itself.

Book Review: Legally Blonde (Part 1 of 2)--Why The Movie Was So Much Better

 I'll save you the trouble--don't bother with this book. The movie was better in so many ways, and not nearly as boring as the book.
Now, if you want to hear my more exact criticism, read on.

I read this book, Legally Blonde by Amanda Brown, after seeing the movie that it is (allegedly) based on. (It is presently on Netflix streaming, if you want to watch it. The movie is quite fun, and I'm a big fan.)
However, other than the main character's name, Elle Woods, and the basic plot that she goes to law school to win back her love and finds a love of law along the way, it has very little in common with the movie.
Her dog in the book is named Underdog, not Bruiser, though he is still a Chihuahua. She goes to Standford, not Harvard. The "evil" fiancee of her recent ex-boyfriend is Sarah Nottingham, not Vivian Kensington. Even the name of her sorority is changed. In all of these cases, I am loyal to the movie.
Underdog may be a good name, in the sense that Elle is supposedly a (very rich and privileged) "underdog" at her new school, however it's a little obvious in its symbolism. The author, Amanda Brown, would have done better in choosing a name like David, Gideon, or Jason, something more subtle in the theme of the little guy taking on and conquering the big guy or the mythical monster.
I also think that "Vivian" connotes more of the upper crust than "Sarah," though Vivian might also be a bit matronly (though still lovely and aristocratic). 

Key scenes from the movie, with hilarious lines, are missing entirely in the book. There is no, "You got into Harvard Law?" to which she does not reply, "What, like it's hard?" in Reese Witherspoon's perky voice. There is no subplot with Elle Woods rescuing her manicurist's dog from an abusive ex-husband. The manicurist is also French in the book, for some reason. Beyond that, we know literally nothing about her.
When Warner breaks up with Elle, she does not make a scene and loudly demand, "You mean my boobs are too big?!" He does not convince her to let him drive her home by saying, "You'll ruin your shoes." She does not need convincing.
She does not have an epiphany in the beauty salon, after he dumps her, that she needs to become a law student to win him back. She simply decides automatically that she has to do that. There is no line where she says, "That's what I have to be!" pointing to a picture, and the Asian woman next to her asks, "Practically deformed?" (Indeed, there are no Asian women in this book, not even in the beauty salons. More on that later.)
The LSAT admissions tests are not mistaken for a vaginal rash by her sorority sisters.
She does not choose to walk by Warner when she first sees him in law school, letting him discover her. I remember this scene in the movie very well, because when I saw it the first time, my mom pointed it out to me, saying, "She does a very smart thing here!" She doesn't do the smart thing in the book.
The party she is invited to is an actual Halloween costume party, in the book--she wasn't told a normal party was a costume party as a trick, like in the movie. She dresses as a goth girl, not a Playboy bunny, like in the movie. The Playboy bunny in the movie actually goes better with her blonde persona than a goth girl. She does not say, "...but when I dress up as a frigid bitch, I try not to look so constipated," in reference to Sarah's (not Vivian's) normal clothes. She does not say, "I'm never going to be good enough for you, am I, Warner?" and go out to buy a laptop for her classes.
She never speaks in class unless called on, in which case she is not listening--much less talking about "masturbatory emissions" being reckless abandonment ("Why now? Why this sperm?!"), or saying that she would rather defend a client who is innocent. She never has a chance to then change her mind, while looking into her romantic rival's eyes and saying, "Actually, I'd pick the dangerous one, because I'm not afraid of a challenge."

She slacks off in all her classes, too, skipping class or reading a fashion magazine half the time. She doesn't have to work hard to get good grades and an internship at a law firm. She's not very relatable.
She never slaps a "dorky" guy in front of the women rejecting him, pretending that he broke her heart, in order to help him with his love life. This is just as well, because I've always wondered why the guy in the movie would want to go out with a woman who had just called him a loser.
She never has a chance to say that she doesn't use the word "dyke," and that the other woman must have heard it from Warner's new fiancee. (My line would have been, "I am a dyke--if I call you one, it's a compliment!")
There is no liposuction as a secret alibi for the accused murderess. Instead, it's a support group for home shopping addicts, so we don't have the famous personal fitness instructor screaming in despair, "Normal women don't have this ass!"
The fitness instructor isn't even in the same sorority as Elle, in the book.
There is no poolboy claiming to have an affair with the accused, and so Elle does not figure out that he's gay because of his knowledge of her designer shoes. More on the total lack of LGBT representation later.

The scene where Elle interrogates the stepdaughter of the accused, getting a confession out of her on the witness stand, is done much better in the movie, also. In the movie, the judge interrupts her, asking if the story about her friend's perm is relevant, while everyone in the courtroom rolls their eyes. In the book, Elle simply states, "It is relevant," right off the bat, then has a very long conversation with the stepdaughter about her hair, a conversation which is not interrupted or objected to even once.
Stating that it's relevant beforehand might also have tipped off her witness to be on her guard, if anyone in this book had a brain.
The confession is also built up better in the film, as Elle keeps yelling at her, baiting her, demanding to know why she shot her father, until the stepdaughter breaks down and screams, "Because I thought it was you!" pointing to Brooke, the accused. There is much more tension and drama this way.
In the book, Chutney, the witness, talks about her stepmother of her own accord, then suddenly says that that's why she shot her father, because she thought it was Brooke. This doesn't seem very realistic at all.

There is also no nice new love interest in the book (which is actually good in a way, because does there always have to be one?). There is no strong female professor who gives her a hard time but then becomes a huge ally to her (which I missed). There is also no older male professor sexually harassing her. One thing that could have been in the movie was the professor who was always drunk for his lectures.

The one thing I do like about the book is that Elle invented her own major: Socio-Political Jewelry Design. She invented her own major! That's pretty badass!
It has the same problem that the movie did, though, in that she already had a passion, extensive knowledge of her subject, and a desired career in life, before law school, so it wasn't really character growth when she decided she wanted to practice law. (So I'm not sure why everyone in the movie and book thinks that she's not "serious" about her life, and why the story seems to imply it.) The movie, though it portrayed her as a simple fashion student, did an excellent job of showing her extensive knowledge of fabrics and designers before law school. Again, it surpasses the book in yet another area.

Sunday, November 27, 2016

LGBT/Others: The Trump Years Survival Guide--15 Tips

 I am somewhat dismayed that a lot of my LGBT friends are freaking out about the recent election, without any sort of plan of action for themselves. I don't blame them for being scared, because both Trump and Pence are very scary people, especially for racial minorities and LGBT people. (One gal said that she had heard of three trans kids so far committing suicide in the first 24 hours, because they were so scared. Don't know how true they are, but I'm sure there was at least one. These are the little tidbits you come across when seeking to find the good, happy gay stuff.)
However, I have found that the best way to banish fear, is to take action. All of these suggestions are good ideas anyway, in my opinion, at least to consider. Remember that no matter how bad it gets, we just have to get through the next four years; just take it a day at a time. But if the election has you scared, then here are some more things you can do:

1) Get your facts. Hilary won the popular vote, while Trump won the electoral college. Which means that a slim majority of people are not the racist, homophobic stereotypes of Trump supporters. Some are simply mistaken--even some LGBT people support him. Voter turnout was also less than fifty percent, by some measurements.
Also learn the powers of the presidential office. He can select Supreme Court justices, and do relatively little else long-term. (Trump will be replacing a late justice that was already conservative, and I have not heard of Ruth Bader-Ginsburg having any health problems so far.) We will see if anything changes, but that is how it stands right now.
This may or may not make you feel better. It made me feel a tiny bit better.
(I have verified these facts as much as I could, though I don't wish to do it all over again to provide the links. I write this blog for a hobby, after all.)

2) For LGBT People: Couples that are already engaged should get legally married as soon as possible. They may or may not be able to make marriages illegal retroactively. If you are already married, it will be harder for them to take it from you. Have as many legal documents as possible--wills, power of attorney, living wills, adoption, medical release for minors, etc--made up in case your marriage becomes void overnight. Don't rush your relationship, but if you know for sure, then don't wait.
Trans people should make all legal and medical changes as quickly as possible. It may or may not be more difficult or expensive later. Surgery and other things like hormones is a big step, but if you are absolutely sure that you want it, don't wait.
Also read the rest of the suggestions, for everyone.

3) For immigrants, or racial or religious minorities:  All I will say is that if it makes you feel better to take actions to attempt to "blend in," or to move to another area to feel safer, if you can, I don't think anyone has the right to make you feel bad about it. Do what you must, both for your safety and your identity, and balancing the two.
Get citizenship as quickly as possible, if you can and don't have it now.

4) Consider getting a gun at home, especially if your phobic or racist neighbors have one. And make sure they know you have it! This isn't to actually shoot anyone, but to hopefully keep them at bay. Hang a Pink Pistols (an LGBT gun group) sign next to your rainbow flag.

5) Save as much money as possible, in case of higher gas rates or losing health insurance, etc. This goes double if you have an expensive medical condition or disability. Even if you suddenly come into a windfall, don't treat yourself, except in small ways. Don't buy a new car, or go on an expensive vacation. Save it for a rainy day.

6) Hoard food, even and especially pet food. You can eat their food, but they may not be able to eat yours. Start slowly, but start. Be sure to hoard stuff you actually eat now, especially meat or other protein, so it's not wasted if nothing happens.

7) For those with loved ones far away: Have a plan so that they can get to you, or you to them. Can your kid halfway across the country carpool with someone who has a similar plan? Do they have enough money to pay for gas or a plane ticket to get to you? You may not be able to wire them anything. If you have a relative in the country, don't show up empty-handed and expect them to feed you.

8) If you're sexually active, and especially can get pregnant, stock up on condoms. It would be best to avoid the situation of needing an abortion during a Republican presidency. Pence has also said that he would cut funding for HIV/AIDS research, in order to fund anti-gay conversion therapy (which actually makes suicide rates go UP, not down!). So, use a condom/gloves/dental dams. And get tested, and vaccinated for HPV, as soon as possible, if you're sexually active. (And remember, condoms expire in six months, and need proper care. Read the instructions.)

9) Be as job-flexible as possible. Read books about switching careers. Learn new job skills, as much as you can. Get a job with a stable company, not an up-and-comer (but still be flexible with your career). If you can, be sure your profession is something useful, that people will always need, such as being a nurse or a mechanic. Read preparedness books. Start up your own side business or job, if you can.

10) Know about natural medicine, and have books about it on hand. It may not be as effective or quick as normal medicine, but you may have to rely on it, if other things are not available or are too expensive.

11) Help your own community. One man I know decided to do this, to assuage his fears of his husband not always being his legal husband. Create LGBT and other safe spaces on your campus, or in your neighborhood or community. Hang a rainbow flag out front or wear a safety pin on your clothes.

12) Talk soothingly to yourself. "I love you," "I am good," or even, "God is glad he made me gay," have been some of the things that I and others have repeated to ourselves, until we've felt better. Be on your own side.

13) Don't be afraid of weird stuff. I have a book called Predicting Your Future by Selene (no last name), with all kinds of fun and weird techniques. I don't know how accurate that book really is, but having it makes me feel a little better, and it is interesting. It's at least something, in this uncertain world (which would be uncertain no matter who was president). We don't anything for sure, so why not give everything at least a try?

14) Get a stuffed animal. If you already have one, cuddling it at your computer or sleeping with it is very comforting, especially when your real animals are busy or absent. Your cats won't always want to cuddle when you do, unfortunately. Don't go overboard buying stuffed animals, of course; one, or however many you have now, will do.

15) Focus on the little things. When my campus had a shooting last October, I focused on the little things--my new kittens, cleaning out my closets, etc--in order to move past it. Focus on the little things, especially those that make you happy.

Tuesday, November 22, 2016

Preppers: You Won't Eat Then, What You Eat Now

 It is my goal to have at least six months, and eventually a year, of food and some other necessities laid aside for me and my animals. But when I thought about how to go about it, I realized that I can't have a year's supply of food on hand, exactly as my diet is now.
Most of the food I eat now comes from the refrigerator and freezer, not the cabinet. I would need many more freezers just to store a year's supply of food, as I eat it now. (Some things don't even freeze well, either.) And that would require a lot of energy, just to store it. And I would also be screwed if the power is shut off because of finances, or otherwise unavailable.
So I have to think in terms of a year's supply of food, if I didn't have a freezer to store anything--in other words, non-perishable food.

Starches, such as rice and oatmeal, are cheap and easy to store. But protein is more expensive, so it would be more scarce if something happens. If you are hurting for food, carbs and sugars are not going to be your biggest concern. They are the most cheaply and easily available.
 Protein is especially important to hoard, maybe even more so for vegans and vegetarians--and especially those with carnivorous pets such as cats. Don't be so much of a minimalist or vagabond that you can't do this, and take care of yourself.
I could eat beans for protein, which are very cheap and easy to store. But my cats will not eat beans. So I must get meat and high-quality kibble for their health. But at the same time, I know that I will eat some cans of mackerel, if that is what I have to eat, even if it is reserved for my cats. (Mackerel is the cheapest canned meat in my area.) So I must get enough cans of mackerel, for six months' or a year's supply, if that was the only meat I had to eat.
Sounds overwhelming, doesn't it? But I work towards this goal steadily, little by little each week.
I am not sure how much I, my cats, my disabled chicken, my two big dogs, and my family, will go through each day, if it was the only thing we had to eat. We like to feed our cats lots of meat now, though they occasionally get tired of it and stop eating it.
But I don't want to have to resort to killing and eating one of my non-disabled chickens. (I would feed Antonio meat and fish, because I am more strict with his diet than with the other chickens, because of his disability. Mackerel is also supposed to be good for his joints, which is what is disabled about him. And, well, he's my special pet, so I would kill another chicken first, if I had to kill one.) I can boil rice and beans for the chickens, and they can eat bugs in summer. But the carnivore pets are what worry me most.

 I am still calculating and figuring out how much would be six months, and then a year's supply of non-perishable food, especially meat protein. And I am also figuring out where to store it, even as I steadily increase my supply, little by little. But protein, especially meat, is my number one priority. It is easy to take care of my goats, rabbits, guinea pigs, and chickens. And carbs for humans are also cheap. But meat is harder to come by.
Jerky is expensive, and even if I made it myself, would I eat it, when fresh meat is available? Canned chicken and tuna are expensive, so that leaves fish, and mackerel is a better deal for my area than sardines, though they taste roughly the same to me.
 We already feed mackerel to our animals, and occasionally I eat it too. How much we feed to our cats varies from week to week, depending on their health and preferences, so it is hard to say how much we would feed them--how many cans we would go through a day--if we didn't have money for other meat. And since my dad isn't good about stocking up for his own huge dogs, they might be eating mackerel instead of canned dog food, which would deplete our stores much quicker.
But I do know that "six months worth of mackerel," in bad times (if they come), is not the same as "six months worth of mackerel" in these good times. So my "six -month" supply of mackerel, if nothing happens, would probably last me much longer than six months.
My goal, for now, is about 360 cans--a six-month supply if we go through two cans a day--and maybe, eventually, even more. I am still experimenting with where to store them, though I suspect they would do just fine in a box or plastic tote on a porch or patio.

Just remember to include in your calculations what you and your household would eat, if you had to rely only on non-perishable and canned food. And don't be afraid to figure things out as you go along--that's exactly what I'm doing, and it's good enough for me. The important thing is that you get started, even in some small way. And be sure to continue, even if your progress must be slow or halting at first.
You will feel so much better, if you know that no matter what happens to you or the economy or the food distribution system, you and your family will eat. And your slow but steady progress towards that goal will just make you feel better and better.

Budget Artist: 14 Things I've Learned About Paints

This series, Budget Artist, will hopefully encourage you to make art, without spending a lot of money. So many art supplies, especially those geared towards adults, are very expensive, and people seem to think that making art (especially painting) requires a lot of expensive, specialized supplies. I hope that no one is prevented from making art, and having beauty and creativity in their life, because of money, and so this is my attempt to help.
Here is what I have learned so far about paints:

1) Acrylic paint and watercolors are interchangeable. Acrylic can be watered down, to make watercolors, and watercolors in tubes can be used straight, as acrylic paint. There's really not a difference in texture.

2) But you should buy watercolors if you can. If you have a choice, though, I would pick watercolor paint, because it is usually much more vibrant, as it's made to be watered down. You can always water it down or add white to it, if it's too bright. But these two types of paint are usually the same price, and I think watercolors are by far the better deal because of their brightness.

3) There's no need for "artist quality" paints. I have gotten great results with "student quality," or cheap, paints. The art supply companies want to convince us that "real" artists use their stuff, and that only little kids use cheap stuff. They want us to think that "grownups" use expensive stuff, and to feel childish if we use cheap stuff. But there are more cheap brands than Crayola, and I have gotten some great deals from Wal-Mart and the cheaper, "student quality" stuff at Michael's.

4) There may not be a need for canvas or watercolor paper-- even in doing watercolors. I have noticed that, regardless of the thickness of the paper, it may or may not still soak through. And it doesn't matter, if you have a towel down and a place to let it dry adequately. Get the paper that you can afford.

5) Get the paper as big as you can afford. I love using big paper. You can always do smaller designs on bigger paper, but never bigger designs on smaller paper. (Unless you're willing to tape the papers together on one side, in which case you can only use one side.) I would rather have a big pad of newsprint, than a small pad of watercolor paper.

6) You can use nail polish--or other makeup--for paint.  I use the nail polish and lipstick that I don't want anymore, as paint. It has a built-in brush already, and what is thin on my nails may be bright on the paper. I may publish a list of the things I have used, or plan to use, in place of paint, but basically, you can use practically anything for paint. I've even read of one woman using her own menstrual blood (and whatever else you may say about that, we have to admit that it's free and convenient every month--this series is called "Budget Artist" after all). Just be sure to paint outside, if you're using nail polish. It can get pretty stinky if you're using a lot of it.

7) Use both sides of the paper.Why not, when it dries on one side, turn it over and do it on the other side? If the paper is thin, it might have soaked through, but you can always add more paint on top.

8) Don't use paints in cakes. I hate watercolors that come in cakes. They are hard to use, and you quickly run out of paint and have to soak some more water into the cake--and wait for the water to soak in there. If you can help it, don't get paint cakes. Squeezing some out of a tube is much easier, and the tubes come in big sizes, too. Of course, with tubes, you have to get a palette, which leads me to...

9) Use candy boxes for palettes. I have received boxes of chocolates for Christmas and birthdays, and I saved the plastic dividers in them, to use as palettes. They have much bigger holes than normal palettes, they have more holes (some of them have quite a lot), and some of them are very sturdy. I have also used candy boxes for jewelry boxes, incidentally.

10) Don't wash your palettes. I don't wash mine. I have probably more than I need (3 or 4), but I like not having to wash them. If paint is left in them, I can either add water to make watercolor paint, or add the same color to the same hole, or add a different color and see how and if they mix together. I may eventually wash them out, but for now I like it this way.

11) Big abstract designs are best for paints, and paints are perhaps best for abstracts. You can't do abstracts wrong. Just put your favorite beautiful colors together in a way that pleases you. If you don't like it, just keep adding paints until you do. Eventually you'll get it right. Meanwhile, small, precise pictures are harder to do with paints.

12) You don't need a whole bunch of different brushes. I usually just use one brush, for every color, and never a small one. I got rid of most of my brushes, in fact, because I don't use them. I'm just here to have fun, not to worry about a bunch of different brushes.

13) You don't need an easel. I use a towel on the floor. An easel might make things easier for you, but you don't need it. You don't need all of these expensive things like easels, canvasses, palettes, etc, just to start painting.

14) Have a Use-It-Up mentality; don't wait for inspiration. I talked more about this here, but basically, this is your paint and your paper. This is for your enjoyment, and nothing is wasted if you enjoy yourself. Just put a towel down on the floor, get a container of water to wash your brush, and start putting paint on the paper. It's only wasted if you let it sit, while your life passes you by without any art or creativity in it. Use it all up as fast as you can. Don't wait until it's too late to use the good stuff!

Preppers: 10 Tips For Hoarding Canned Meat

 I am pleased to now add another category to my blog, other than Minimalism, Budget Artist, and LGBT: Prepping, or, as some like to call it, Doomsday Prepping. I don't believe in doomsday anymore, but I do believe in hard times. We all go through them, whether it's on a national scale or not. So it makes me feel better to have plenty in the freezer, or better yet, non-perishable items that don't require energy to store. So if you can, I encourage you to, as you clean out your space, consider using some of that freed up room to buy some "Eating Insurance" for your family and your pets.
Once, when she was fearful of losing her job, my mom made herself feel better by buying a couple of canned whole chickens with her usual groceries. Having extra protein made her feel better about providing for herself and her family. But whole canned chickens are expensive, and so my meat of choice is mackerel. But I've taken her idea of stocking up, and used it to make myself feel better in general. I don't seem to be in danger of losing a job, but knowing that I have security still makes me feel so much better about the future.
 I hope to, eventually, have at least six months worth of food stored for myself, my family, and my pets. I am working towards that goal now.
Here are some things I've learned so far:

1) Shake the cans. A strange lady in the supermarket once told me cheerfully to "shake your tuna," which I later learned was slang for vagina. But it was in the seafood aisle, so I think she wasn't sexually harassing me. By shaking the cans, you can determine how much juice is in there, and how much is meat. The less sloshing, the more food is in there. With some things, it all sounds the same. But if you shake a few cans and hear a difference, then grab the ones with more meat.

2) Weigh the drained ingredients. I found out that a "Net Weight 15 Oz." can of mackerel was actually about ten ounces of meat, not including juice. The juice is good to have, especially for cats and soups, but it is not why you buy canned meat. So that affected my price calculations, because I don't want to overestimate how much weight in food I have. Also weigh your container separately, because they are usually at least an ounce or two themselves.

3) Keep track of price, weight, and drained weight. A 15-ounce can of mackerel, which I buy for a dollar, is actually only 2/3 meat, and a full 1/3 water. So instead of about 7 cents an once, it is actual 10 cents an once. Instead of a little over a dollar, it is $1.60 per pound. It is still the cheapest meat I can find at this time and place, but it feels good to know the actual price of the food. Whatever juice I get is just a bonus.

4) Buy what you (or your pets) actually want to eat, anyway, so there is no waste if you don't need it.

5) Look at the dollar stores. The cans of mackerel I buy are from the dollar store. It happens to have the cheapest price, in my area and for this product. But with other products, it is not the cheapest, or the best deal.

6) Buy "stinky" fish as much as possible. In addition to protein, oily fish, such as my mackerel, has lots of B vitamins and fatty acids--very good for you. Ironically, it's much cheaper than tuna or chicken, too. If you hate it, just remember that eating it twice a week or so is good for you, anyway, so you could consider it a health supplement.

7) Buy a few extra hand-crank can openers. Don't get caught hacking at all of your cans with a knife. It's messy and dangerous.

8) Decide where to store the cans. If you stack a bunch of cans together, you may want to reinforce the floor with plywood or something. But you don't have to store them all together. Just be sure to keep track of how many you actually have.

9) Don't bother with processed meats. Spam and Vienna sausages, for example, are much more expensive per once, and not very good for you. Have as few additives in your meat, and your pets' meat, as possible.

10) Buy slowly over time. You can build up your stash slowly, if it seems overwhelming--like saving a few dollars at a time, it adds up. Buy a few more cans than you eat week, and save up the rest separately from your normal groceries. Or use your "discretionary" income, if you have any. Buying yourself some security will feel a whole lot better than buying another piece of clothing or gadget.

Minimalism/Preppers: Don't Have A Car Payment, In The Age Of Trump

A few months before the election, a couple I know bought a new car for one of the husbands' birthdays. And now that Trump has been elected, they are worried that their marriage will no longer be legal soon. And, I can't help but thinking, they also have a car payment to deal with.
One of my first thoughts when he was elected, other than wondering about LGBT rights, was about the economy. I have a feeling that he will do what is good for his many companies, not necessarily American workers. And that may lead to another recession. He may also repeal Obamacare, which some people are afraid of because they would lose health insurance--another situation where extra money would come in handy.
We had a major recession just a few years ago (though I'm not sure how much Obama controlled the banks and lending companies). And already people seem to have forgotten all about it. About 60-70% (my modest estimate) of cars I see on the road, around my home in southern Oregon, are quite new. And I wonder if it is the same everywhere else in the country.
Every time I am on the road, I cannot believe all of the waste of money and resources that I see. One would think that the recession would make everyone a little more frugal and a little more grateful for what they have--maybe even a little more environmentally conscious. But it has apparently taught us nothing. And it seems like these new cars have been popping up in droves, only in the past few years.
 People felt "poor" during the recession, and as soon as they had a little bit of means again, they went out and bought new cars to feel better about themselves. But that is not the way to feel better about yourself, especially in the long term. You will only make things much harder on yourself, when the high of the new car inevitably wears off and you still have the high monthly payment (or a low monthly payment, for the next ten years!). There are other, much less burdensome ways to feel better about yourself. And there are ways to feel better, that don't make you eventually wonder why you did this to yourself.
And all of these people who are scared of uncertain times, now that Trump is elected, don't seem to make the connection to their finances, much less to their car payments. If times are really as bad as they think they're going to get, then you can't afford to burden yourself like this.

My hand-me-down car from my mom (which I absolutely love, for its memories and its free price tag) is about the same age as me--25 years old. A few years ago, my mom had a new engine put in it, for about $2,000. She says that we may need to put a new transmission in it soon, which she estimates would be about $300.
So we've got, basically, a brand-new car for $2,300. And $300 of it we didn't have to pay at first. If the guts of the car are new, the rest of it is probably fine. It's like different organs in the same human body. In a way, it's morbidly fascinating. My car is Frankenstein's monster.
It is much cheaper to buy a car at least ten years old, and have it worked over by a mechanic, than to buy a new, or newer, car. People say that they don't want to bother having work done, but they really can't afford not to. There is no way you can tell me that all of the people driving around new cars can afford them. I know my own family really can't, even though they still buy them. (My uncle regularly complains to my mother, "I just hate having this car payment!" but he never learns.)

I realized before the election that I wanted to stock up on extra food for me and all of my many animals. And it wasn't necessarily because of the upcoming election--I wanted to stock up even if Hillary won. Worst case scenario, nothing happens, and I have a store for personal hard times. I'm not wasting, either, since I buy only what I and my pets already eat, and plan to rotate everything.
And now I have more security, knowing that I will have that food insurance for, as I eventually plan, at least six months. And I also have no debt to worry about paying off. There are ways to make yourself feel more prepared for the coming months and years.
What I have, I wish the same for you. I would urge you, especially if you are afraid, to unburden yourself as quickly as possible. Sell or, if you can, return your new car to reduce or eliminate your debt. Or don't go into debt in the first place. If something happens, you will be glad you did this! If you fear something will happen, you will be glad you did. (And don't wait until the economy is already in trouble. If you are in trouble at that time, others probably will be, too.) And you would probably be glad you sold it anyway, when the high of having a new car wears off.
Unburden yourself, and free up as much money as possible to stock up and to save for a rainy day. And then you will not be as afraid.