This is my new series, "Budget Artist." I want to help people enrich their lives, even if they don't have confidence or don't think of themselves as artistic. This is also ties into my philosophy that you don't have to spend money on "grownup" art supplies or buy the "right" things in order for the art to be "real."
If radical feminists can use their own menstrual blood, you can use anything you have on hand. There's no need to spend a bunch of money; you can work within any budget. What matters is the art process itself, not the materials or even the results. The process itself will enrich your life, even without spending a bunch of money.
I often have the problem of taking out a sketchpad and some crayons or oil pastels, eager to draw something, and then my mind goes blank, and I have no idea what to draw.
I used to think that this meant that I wasn't artistic, or that I was bad at drawing. I would have loved to be one of those people who was always doodling something, but I had no idea what to draw.
This didn't help my fear of being bad at drawing, which prevented me from enjoying it. At some points, I sadly got rid of my art supplies, because I thought I would never use them, or never be good enough to use them.
Somehow, I would still sometimes buy supplies, hoping for the day that I got good or suddenly got a big burst of inspiration. I waited. For a long time, I waited.
But it got to the point where I have so many paper pads and different supplies--chalk pastels, oil pastels, colored pencils, graphite pencils, charcoal, acrylic and watercolor paints and brushes--and I wasn't using any of them, because I didn't have any inspiration.
Then the shooting at my school, Umpqua Community College, happened on October 1st last year. Something like this happening at the school you attend, and in the county you live in, changes things. That day, I ate up all the "good" chocolates in my freezer, that I had been saving for a special occasion. And since that day, I decided to use up the good stuff first, in every area of my life.
It took me a while to get to this point, but now I grab a sketchpad and some crayons, and just start running a favorite color over the paper, back and forth. Maybe I add other colors, or attempt a design, or scribble all over the paper. I want to use up all my paper pads, both sides. And I want to use up all of my art supplies, as soon as possible.
I'm not really relishing getting rid of these things, or using them up, but that is my goal, since I want more art and fun in my life, right now. All of these paper pads--tracing paper, watercolor paper, drawing paper, cheap and expensive sketching paper, mini sketchpads, 18" x 24" pads, pads of every size and type--I look at all of that, and I see that all of it could have been covered in art I had done. Over the years, I could have had so much art in my life, and I could have had so much fun with it, if I had just relaxed and not waited for inspiration--or if I had just not cared whether it was "good" or not.
I should not have so many extra paper pads. It could have really enriched my life, if I had used them. If I had not worried about being good or not, or not cared whether all the pages were covered with nothing but random blocks of color.
What if I had not cared about finding the perfect medium for me, and just picked up any childish crayons that lay around, and drawn on any blank paper or cheap newsprint? What if the action of drawing was more important than the result? What if I had had a "use it up" mentality?
When I look at all of the blank paper I have, I see so many wasted years.
So I'm going to "use it up." I'm going to use it all up. It makes me so sad, that all of these sketchpads aren't covered in colorful drawings, scribblings, and shadings. That I don't need, and have never needed, a new sketchpad, or new crayons or chalk or oil pastels. That I was too afraid to ruin the paper.
So I'm just going to use it all up, even the children's crayons that I have (Crayola, because they are the smoothest that I have found). Sometimes I just do rainbows, or put some colors that I like together. Sometimes I just smudge the crayon across the page, because I like that color. Sometimes I actually attempt designs or sketches. It kind of helps when they're just relatively cheap children's crayons--though I'm going to have the same attitude towards everything I have.
But I really look forward to using up a pad of paper, or my big box of crayons--having nothing left of it, and having to go buy more if I want those particular crayons.
Perhaps it would help you to buy the big box of crayons, or lots of cheap paper pads (or a huge newsprint pad), so that you don't fear actually running out. But when you already have a lot of paper and art supplies, like me, you can try to use them up, or at least a part of them. I really want to fill one of my sketchbooks, on both sides. If possible, I want to completely fill each page, front and back. I want my life to have lots of color and art, and that is how I will get there. I want to be able to go back through these many sketchbooks someday, and remember how happy they made me--even as I fill more.
As my art teacher said to another student, a few years ago, "It's only paper. The worst thing that can happen, is that you make it ugly."
Even if it's ugly, though (which many things I draw definitely are not--quite the opposite, in my opinion), I will still have the memory of experimenting and coloring all over this paper.
All of this blank paper, and not having more art I did on my own, than my homework for that one class, has made me really sad. So I'm going to make some happy memories, and remedy the situation. I hope to have all of them completely filled up as soon as possible, maybe even by the end of 2017. I'm having lots of fun working towards my goal. And it is very relaxing, to try not to care about the finished product or whether I do it "right."
This is YOUR art. It doesn't have to be good, even according to your standards--because it exists to serve you. The finished product is not as important as you are. There are very few things sadder than a blank sketchbook, that you have had for a long time. Don't worry about "wasting" things because you're not "good enough" as an artist. What matters is that you get to enrich your life through color and art--even just "scribblings." And ironically, inspiration might come to you easier if you are in practice, or while you are drawing, though that should not necessarily be the goal.
It's only truly "wasting" supplies or paper if you don't use them up. You are worth it. You are worth the supplies, you are worth the money spent on them. So be "selfish" and indulge yourself, if you can afford it, or if you already have the supplies. It's not wasting supplies or money, if it enriches your life. You are worth it; believe that about yourself, and act accordingly.
It's only wasting if you don't use it up.
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