(Here is Part 1)
In Legally Blonde by Amanda Brown, Elle Woods' classmates are a bunch of one-dimensional stereotypes, and that is all there is to them.
There
is the feminist stereotype, trying to change people's word usage. There
are two hippies, with their sprout and tofu sandwiches. There is the
bookworm girl.
There are the Trekkies, who of course are smart in
their classes and socially clueless. At first, she is picked on by
them, in a reversal of how it was in high school for her. That could
have been interesting, but it went absolutely nowhere. She also learns
nothing from it, and the head Trekkie even sends her cookies for
Valentine's Day. Because of course he wants her, even though she wouldn't give him the time of day!
(About
Valentine's Day--one thing I thought was strange, was that everyone
seemed to dress up in festive clothes on all the holidays. Do people do
that in California, where it's set? Most don't do that in Oregon, where I
live.)
I don't even know why the author chose to give all of
these people names, for how little they impact the story. I remember
forgetting all about them, then wondering who was Larry, who was
Sidney, etc, when they were mentioned later.
For a book about
how the snooty students at Stanford underestimate Elle because they
stereotype her, Elle seems to be doing a whole lot of stereotyping,
herself.
They don't impact her story at all, because she doesn't
get to know them at all. She becomes friends with only one of them,
Eugenia, who literally does nothing but tell her how great she is and
how she's smarter than Eugenia. (And that job could have easily been
handed off to a gay best friend, who would have made the story
marginally more interesting.)
I get the impression that the author
based her stereocharacters on people she really encountered at school.
But we don't get to know them at all. So how well did she really know
them? They are nothing but stereotypes to us, because they were nothing
but stereotypes to her.
There is one small "surprise"
in the story, in that "Larry," just another forgettable character,
turns out to be her secret admirer, who writes poetry to her and helps
her by giving her class outlines that I assume literally any college
student could have gotten for themselves. Don't they give these out at
the beginning of the class, anyway? They sure did at my community
college! So I assume they would do the same at an Ivy League school. I'm
sure there is also a place online where she can look it all up. It
really doesn't do anything at all to show that she's smart, or that he's
helpful and clever.
I'm also not sure why Elle is so surprised
that Larry writes poetry, because she had to have known that one of her
classmates...was writing poetry! There is nothing where she thinks that
it couldn't possibly be him, no scene where she even wonders who it
might be (as if love poetry just shows up in her mailbox because that's
how the universe works). Her admirer is not even revealed to be a woman,
because that would both be an interesting twist, and would give
representation to an LGBT person. It couldn't even be Eugenia.
And of course
the pretty, popular girl has a secret admirer and gets an apartment
filled with flowers on Valentine's day. Does this happen at your school,
much less at college?
And of course, the secret poetry writer is
secretly in love with her, even though they've spent absolutely no time
together, and he confesses his love to her. But that, too, goes
nowhere! She doesn't return his love, and she doesn't have to let him
down easily or fend him off because he's become a stalker. He confesses
his love, and she doesn't even really reply to him, just gets in her car
and drives off. I've actually quite forgotten what happens--because
nothing happened! And we never see Larry again! I remember thinking that
this should be an interesting scene, but it's not.
There
are so many paper-thin stereotypes that weren't even filler, because
they didn't do their job of filling up pages. The book even describes
what conversations she overheard while waiting in line to purchase her
books. And the conversations have no bearing on her or the plot at all.
They're just the typical conversations one overhears while out and
about--nothing interesting or special at all!
But there is
one stereotype whose absence is really felt, in a book about stereotypes
and fabulous blondes. You can probably guess who I'm talking about.
Elle Woods has no Gay Best Friend (TM). Never has the absence of a
Z-snap been so loud.
There are male hairdressers, however that in
itself is not representation, and they don't play much of a role in the
story at all.
I thought that perhaps it was a Young Adult book,
and that YA books were squeamish about LGBT people. But I found nothing
on the cover to indicate that it was a YA book, no mention of the author
even writing YA books.
There are also scenes in which Elle
"leaned forward seductively," and said that she wanted to keep her and
Warner's celebration "going all night long." She thinks about nights
spent in his arms. So even though it's rather tastefully done, it's very
plain that she has premarital sex, plans and all but asks for sex, and
is never sorry about any of it! And they sexualize LGBT people! Double
standard, much?
I thought perhaps that the author was
homophobic, but she has male hairdressers and never mentions their wives
or girlfriends. (And don't bother wondering--they don't even say
anything, or touch Elle's hair, so they're not worth your time, either.)
She had to have known what she was implying. And again, she's perfectly
okay with premarital sex among her characters, so she apparently isn't
religious.
She could have easily made the feminist stereotype a
lesbian, too--that's another stereotype, which she apparently likes.
But the character's sexuality is not mentioned, and Elle doesn't even
think about it.
The movie does a better job of including gay
characters, even though the three (two?) characters explicitly stated to
be gay are walking stereotypes. I wondered if there were two, because a
stereotypical male hairdresser makes an appearance to remark on the
"bend-and-snap" technique. (Another thing missing from the book, along
with the subplot about the manicurist having a crush on the UPS guy.) He
may not be gay in the movie's canon, but he's definitely coded gay.
Come to think of it, both the poolboy and his boyfriend might be
bisexual, even though Elle assumes the poolboy is gay. Regardless, the
film does portray at least two LGBT characters, which is two more than
the book.
And speaking of lack of diversity, all of
the students, in both her schools, are all white, straight, cisgender,
able-bodied, and come from wealthy, upper-class backgrounds. No one is
described to be otherwise. And even they don't take Elle's dream of
starting the Blonde Legal Defense Fund seriously. (That's book-only,
thank goodness.)
As a blonde, let me say--Elle, please stop! Even
if there is anti-blonde discrimination, it is not systemic, not
pervasive, and in some places, being a blonde might actually help get
you a job (Fox News, for example, though apparently there is also a
problem of sexual harassment at that company--something brunettes go
through too). There is also the little detail that, unless one dyes
their hair, most blondes are white. I am afraid that fighting for the
rights of blondes makes a mockery of other fights for equality.
It
is also quite clear that Elle is a very wealthy young woman. She does
not think once about the cost of tuition to an Ivy League school, her
own private, pet-friendly apartment off-campus, or about paying off her
years at state college. She "had to trade in her BMW for a Beemer."
(Boo-hoo, poor little rich girl.) I'll bet it wasn't a used Beemer,
either. She also has designer luggage and clothes, and the descriptions
of her clothing made me think that she had quite a lot of clothes. She
apparently brought evening clothes to college with her, and apparently
has Halloween costumes and a special outfit, covered in hearts, that she
only wears on Valentine's Day. That's an awful lot of waste, right
there--of time, money, space, etc. Kind of like the book itself.
Wednesday, November 30, 2016
Book Review: Legally Blonde (Part 1 of 2)--Why The Movie Was So Much Better
I'll save you the trouble--don't bother with this book. The movie was better in so many ways, and not nearly as boring as the book.
Now, if you want to hear my more exact criticism, read on.
I read this book, Legally Blonde by Amanda Brown, after seeing the movie that it is (allegedly) based on. (It is presently on Netflix streaming, if you want to watch it. The movie is quite fun, and I'm a big fan.)
However, other than the main character's name, Elle Woods, and the basic plot that she goes to law school to win back her love and finds a love of law along the way, it has very little in common with the movie.
Her dog in the book is named Underdog, not Bruiser, though he is still a Chihuahua. She goes to Standford, not Harvard. The "evil" fiancee of her recent ex-boyfriend is Sarah Nottingham, not Vivian Kensington. Even the name of her sorority is changed. In all of these cases, I am loyal to the movie.
Underdog may be a good name, in the sense that Elle is supposedly a (very rich and privileged) "underdog" at her new school, however it's a little obvious in its symbolism. The author, Amanda Brown, would have done better in choosing a name like David, Gideon, or Jason, something more subtle in the theme of the little guy taking on and conquering the big guy or the mythical monster.
I also think that "Vivian" connotes more of the upper crust than "Sarah," though Vivian might also be a bit matronly (though still lovely and aristocratic).
Key scenes from the movie, with hilarious lines, are missing entirely in the book. There is no, "You got into Harvard Law?" to which she does not reply, "What, like it's hard?" in Reese Witherspoon's perky voice. There is no subplot with Elle Woods rescuing her manicurist's dog from an abusive ex-husband. The manicurist is also French in the book, for some reason. Beyond that, we know literally nothing about her.
When Warner breaks up with Elle, she does not make a scene and loudly demand, "You mean my boobs are too big?!" He does not convince her to let him drive her home by saying, "You'll ruin your shoes." She does not need convincing.
She does not have an epiphany in the beauty salon, after he dumps her, that she needs to become a law student to win him back. She simply decides automatically that she has to do that. There is no line where she says, "That's what I have to be!" pointing to a picture, and the Asian woman next to her asks, "Practically deformed?" (Indeed, there are no Asian women in this book, not even in the beauty salons. More on that later.)
The LSAT admissions tests are not mistaken for a vaginal rash by her sorority sisters.
She does not choose to walk by Warner when she first sees him in law school, letting him discover her. I remember this scene in the movie very well, because when I saw it the first time, my mom pointed it out to me, saying, "She does a very smart thing here!" She doesn't do the smart thing in the book.
The party she is invited to is an actual Halloween costume party, in the book--she wasn't told a normal party was a costume party as a trick, like in the movie. She dresses as a goth girl, not a Playboy bunny, like in the movie. The Playboy bunny in the movie actually goes better with her blonde persona than a goth girl. She does not say, "...but when I dress up as a frigid bitch, I try not to look so constipated," in reference to Sarah's (not Vivian's) normal clothes. She does not say, "I'm never going to be good enough for you, am I, Warner?" and go out to buy a laptop for her classes.
She never speaks in class unless called on, in which case she is not listening--much less talking about "masturbatory emissions" being reckless abandonment ("Why now? Why this sperm?!"), or saying that she would rather defend a client who is innocent. She never has a chance to then change her mind, while looking into her romantic rival's eyes and saying, "Actually, I'd pick the dangerous one, because I'm not afraid of a challenge."
She slacks off in all her classes, too, skipping class or reading a fashion magazine half the time. She doesn't have to work hard to get good grades and an internship at a law firm. She's not very relatable.
She never slaps a "dorky" guy in front of the women rejecting him, pretending that he broke her heart, in order to help him with his love life. This is just as well, because I've always wondered why the guy in the movie would want to go out with a woman who had just called him a loser.
She never has a chance to say that she doesn't use the word "dyke," and that the other woman must have heard it from Warner's new fiancee. (My line would have been, "I am a dyke--if I call you one, it's a compliment!")
There is no liposuction as a secret alibi for the accused murderess. Instead, it's a support group for home shopping addicts, so we don't have the famous personal fitness instructor screaming in despair, "Normal women don't have this ass!"
The fitness instructor isn't even in the same sorority as Elle, in the book.
There is no poolboy claiming to have an affair with the accused, and so Elle does not figure out that he's gay because of his knowledge of her designer shoes. More on the total lack of LGBT representation later.
The scene where Elle interrogates the stepdaughter of the accused, getting a confession out of her on the witness stand, is done much better in the movie, also. In the movie, the judge interrupts her, asking if the story about her friend's perm is relevant, while everyone in the courtroom rolls their eyes. In the book, Elle simply states, "It is relevant," right off the bat, then has a very long conversation with the stepdaughter about her hair, a conversation which is not interrupted or objected to even once.
Stating that it's relevant beforehand might also have tipped off her witness to be on her guard, if anyone in this book had a brain.
The confession is also built up better in the film, as Elle keeps yelling at her, baiting her, demanding to know why she shot her father, until the stepdaughter breaks down and screams, "Because I thought it was you!" pointing to Brooke, the accused. There is much more tension and drama this way.
In the book, Chutney, the witness, talks about her stepmother of her own accord, then suddenly says that that's why she shot her father, because she thought it was Brooke. This doesn't seem very realistic at all.
There is also no nice new love interest in the book (which is actually good in a way, because does there always have to be one?). There is no strong female professor who gives her a hard time but then becomes a huge ally to her (which I missed). There is also no older male professor sexually harassing her. One thing that could have been in the movie was the professor who was always drunk for his lectures.
The one thing I do like about the book is that Elle invented her own major: Socio-Political Jewelry Design. She invented her own major! That's pretty badass!
It has the same problem that the movie did, though, in that she already had a passion, extensive knowledge of her subject, and a desired career in life, before law school, so it wasn't really character growth when she decided she wanted to practice law. (So I'm not sure why everyone in the movie and book thinks that she's not "serious" about her life, and why the story seems to imply it.) The movie, though it portrayed her as a simple fashion student, did an excellent job of showing her extensive knowledge of fabrics and designers before law school. Again, it surpasses the book in yet another area.
Now, if you want to hear my more exact criticism, read on.
I read this book, Legally Blonde by Amanda Brown, after seeing the movie that it is (allegedly) based on. (It is presently on Netflix streaming, if you want to watch it. The movie is quite fun, and I'm a big fan.)
However, other than the main character's name, Elle Woods, and the basic plot that she goes to law school to win back her love and finds a love of law along the way, it has very little in common with the movie.
Her dog in the book is named Underdog, not Bruiser, though he is still a Chihuahua. She goes to Standford, not Harvard. The "evil" fiancee of her recent ex-boyfriend is Sarah Nottingham, not Vivian Kensington. Even the name of her sorority is changed. In all of these cases, I am loyal to the movie.
Underdog may be a good name, in the sense that Elle is supposedly a (very rich and privileged) "underdog" at her new school, however it's a little obvious in its symbolism. The author, Amanda Brown, would have done better in choosing a name like David, Gideon, or Jason, something more subtle in the theme of the little guy taking on and conquering the big guy or the mythical monster.
I also think that "Vivian" connotes more of the upper crust than "Sarah," though Vivian might also be a bit matronly (though still lovely and aristocratic).
Key scenes from the movie, with hilarious lines, are missing entirely in the book. There is no, "You got into Harvard Law?" to which she does not reply, "What, like it's hard?" in Reese Witherspoon's perky voice. There is no subplot with Elle Woods rescuing her manicurist's dog from an abusive ex-husband. The manicurist is also French in the book, for some reason. Beyond that, we know literally nothing about her.
When Warner breaks up with Elle, she does not make a scene and loudly demand, "You mean my boobs are too big?!" He does not convince her to let him drive her home by saying, "You'll ruin your shoes." She does not need convincing.
She does not have an epiphany in the beauty salon, after he dumps her, that she needs to become a law student to win him back. She simply decides automatically that she has to do that. There is no line where she says, "That's what I have to be!" pointing to a picture, and the Asian woman next to her asks, "Practically deformed?" (Indeed, there are no Asian women in this book, not even in the beauty salons. More on that later.)
The LSAT admissions tests are not mistaken for a vaginal rash by her sorority sisters.
She does not choose to walk by Warner when she first sees him in law school, letting him discover her. I remember this scene in the movie very well, because when I saw it the first time, my mom pointed it out to me, saying, "She does a very smart thing here!" She doesn't do the smart thing in the book.
The party she is invited to is an actual Halloween costume party, in the book--she wasn't told a normal party was a costume party as a trick, like in the movie. She dresses as a goth girl, not a Playboy bunny, like in the movie. The Playboy bunny in the movie actually goes better with her blonde persona than a goth girl. She does not say, "...but when I dress up as a frigid bitch, I try not to look so constipated," in reference to Sarah's (not Vivian's) normal clothes. She does not say, "I'm never going to be good enough for you, am I, Warner?" and go out to buy a laptop for her classes.
She never speaks in class unless called on, in which case she is not listening--much less talking about "masturbatory emissions" being reckless abandonment ("Why now? Why this sperm?!"), or saying that she would rather defend a client who is innocent. She never has a chance to then change her mind, while looking into her romantic rival's eyes and saying, "Actually, I'd pick the dangerous one, because I'm not afraid of a challenge."
She slacks off in all her classes, too, skipping class or reading a fashion magazine half the time. She doesn't have to work hard to get good grades and an internship at a law firm. She's not very relatable.
She never slaps a "dorky" guy in front of the women rejecting him, pretending that he broke her heart, in order to help him with his love life. This is just as well, because I've always wondered why the guy in the movie would want to go out with a woman who had just called him a loser.
She never has a chance to say that she doesn't use the word "dyke," and that the other woman must have heard it from Warner's new fiancee. (My line would have been, "I am a dyke--if I call you one, it's a compliment!")
There is no liposuction as a secret alibi for the accused murderess. Instead, it's a support group for home shopping addicts, so we don't have the famous personal fitness instructor screaming in despair, "Normal women don't have this ass!"
The fitness instructor isn't even in the same sorority as Elle, in the book.
There is no poolboy claiming to have an affair with the accused, and so Elle does not figure out that he's gay because of his knowledge of her designer shoes. More on the total lack of LGBT representation later.
The scene where Elle interrogates the stepdaughter of the accused, getting a confession out of her on the witness stand, is done much better in the movie, also. In the movie, the judge interrupts her, asking if the story about her friend's perm is relevant, while everyone in the courtroom rolls their eyes. In the book, Elle simply states, "It is relevant," right off the bat, then has a very long conversation with the stepdaughter about her hair, a conversation which is not interrupted or objected to even once.
Stating that it's relevant beforehand might also have tipped off her witness to be on her guard, if anyone in this book had a brain.
The confession is also built up better in the film, as Elle keeps yelling at her, baiting her, demanding to know why she shot her father, until the stepdaughter breaks down and screams, "Because I thought it was you!" pointing to Brooke, the accused. There is much more tension and drama this way.
In the book, Chutney, the witness, talks about her stepmother of her own accord, then suddenly says that that's why she shot her father, because she thought it was Brooke. This doesn't seem very realistic at all.
There is also no nice new love interest in the book (which is actually good in a way, because does there always have to be one?). There is no strong female professor who gives her a hard time but then becomes a huge ally to her (which I missed). There is also no older male professor sexually harassing her. One thing that could have been in the movie was the professor who was always drunk for his lectures.
The one thing I do like about the book is that Elle invented her own major: Socio-Political Jewelry Design. She invented her own major! That's pretty badass!
It has the same problem that the movie did, though, in that she already had a passion, extensive knowledge of her subject, and a desired career in life, before law school, so it wasn't really character growth when she decided she wanted to practice law. (So I'm not sure why everyone in the movie and book thinks that she's not "serious" about her life, and why the story seems to imply it.) The movie, though it portrayed her as a simple fashion student, did an excellent job of showing her extensive knowledge of fabrics and designers before law school. Again, it surpasses the book in yet another area.
Sunday, November 27, 2016
LGBT/Others: The Trump Years Survival Guide--15 Tips
I am somewhat dismayed that a lot of my LGBT friends are freaking out about the recent election, without any sort of plan of action for themselves. I don't blame them for being scared, because both Trump and Pence are very scary people, especially for racial minorities and LGBT people. (One gal said that she had heard of three trans kids so far committing suicide in the first 24 hours, because they were so scared. Don't know how true they are, but I'm sure there was at least one. These are the little tidbits you come across when seeking to find the good, happy gay stuff.)
However, I have found that the best way to banish fear, is to take action. All of these suggestions are good ideas anyway, in my opinion, at least to consider. Remember that no matter how bad it gets, we just have to get through the next four years; just take it a day at a time. But if the election has you scared, then here are some more things you can do:
1) Get your facts. Hilary won the popular vote, while Trump won the electoral college. Which means that a slim majority of people are not the racist, homophobic stereotypes of Trump supporters. Some are simply mistaken--even some LGBT people support him. Voter turnout was also less than fifty percent, by some measurements.
Also learn the powers of the presidential office. He can select Supreme Court justices, and do relatively little else long-term. (Trump will be replacing a late justice that was already conservative, and I have not heard of Ruth Bader-Ginsburg having any health problems so far.) We will see if anything changes, but that is how it stands right now.
This may or may not make you feel better. It made me feel a tiny bit better.
(I have verified these facts as much as I could, though I don't wish to do it all over again to provide the links. I write this blog for a hobby, after all.)
2) For LGBT People: Couples that are already engaged should get legally married as soon as possible. They may or may not be able to make marriages illegal retroactively. If you are already married, it will be harder for them to take it from you. Have as many legal documents as possible--wills, power of attorney, living wills, adoption, medical release for minors, etc--made up in case your marriage becomes void overnight. Don't rush your relationship, but if you know for sure, then don't wait.
Trans people should make all legal and medical changes as quickly as possible. It may or may not be more difficult or expensive later. Surgery and other things like hormones is a big step, but if you are absolutely sure that you want it, don't wait.
Also read the rest of the suggestions, for everyone.
3) For immigrants, or racial or religious minorities: All I will say is that if it makes you feel better to take actions to attempt to "blend in," or to move to another area to feel safer, if you can, I don't think anyone has the right to make you feel bad about it. Do what you must, both for your safety and your identity, and balancing the two.
Get citizenship as quickly as possible, if you can and don't have it now.
4) Consider getting a gun at home, especially if your phobic or racist neighbors have one. And make sure they know you have it! This isn't to actually shoot anyone, but to hopefully keep them at bay. Hang a Pink Pistols (an LGBT gun group) sign next to your rainbow flag.
5) Save as much money as possible, in case of higher gas rates or losing health insurance, etc. This goes double if you have an expensive medical condition or disability. Even if you suddenly come into a windfall, don't treat yourself, except in small ways. Don't buy a new car, or go on an expensive vacation. Save it for a rainy day.
6) Hoard food, even and especially pet food. You can eat their food, but they may not be able to eat yours. Start slowly, but start. Be sure to hoard stuff you actually eat now, especially meat or other protein, so it's not wasted if nothing happens.
7) For those with loved ones far away: Have a plan so that they can get to you, or you to them. Can your kid halfway across the country carpool with someone who has a similar plan? Do they have enough money to pay for gas or a plane ticket to get to you? You may not be able to wire them anything. If you have a relative in the country, don't show up empty-handed and expect them to feed you.
8) If you're sexually active, and especially can get pregnant, stock up on condoms. It would be best to avoid the situation of needing an abortion during a Republican presidency. Pence has also said that he would cut funding for HIV/AIDS research, in order to fund anti-gay conversion therapy (which actually makes suicide rates go UP, not down!). So, use a condom/gloves/dental dams. And get tested, and vaccinated for HPV, as soon as possible, if you're sexually active. (And remember, condoms expire in six months, and need proper care. Read the instructions.)
9) Be as job-flexible as possible. Read books about switching careers. Learn new job skills, as much as you can. Get a job with a stable company, not an up-and-comer (but still be flexible with your career). If you can, be sure your profession is something useful, that people will always need, such as being a nurse or a mechanic. Read preparedness books. Start up your own side business or job, if you can.
10) Know about natural medicine, and have books about it on hand. It may not be as effective or quick as normal medicine, but you may have to rely on it, if other things are not available or are too expensive.
11) Help your own community. One man I know decided to do this, to assuage his fears of his husband not always being his legal husband. Create LGBT and other safe spaces on your campus, or in your neighborhood or community. Hang a rainbow flag out front or wear a safety pin on your clothes.
12) Talk soothingly to yourself. "I love you," "I am good," or even, "God is glad he made me gay," have been some of the things that I and others have repeated to ourselves, until we've felt better. Be on your own side.
13) Don't be afraid of weird stuff. I have a book called Predicting Your Future by Selene (no last name), with all kinds of fun and weird techniques. I don't know how accurate that book really is, but having it makes me feel a little better, and it is interesting. It's at least something, in this uncertain world (which would be uncertain no matter who was president). We don't anything for sure, so why not give everything at least a try?
14) Get a stuffed animal. If you already have one, cuddling it at your computer or sleeping with it is very comforting, especially when your real animals are busy or absent. Your cats won't always want to cuddle when you do, unfortunately. Don't go overboard buying stuffed animals, of course; one, or however many you have now, will do.
15) Focus on the little things. When my campus had a shooting last October, I focused on the little things--my new kittens, cleaning out my closets, etc--in order to move past it. Focus on the little things, especially those that make you happy.
However, I have found that the best way to banish fear, is to take action. All of these suggestions are good ideas anyway, in my opinion, at least to consider. Remember that no matter how bad it gets, we just have to get through the next four years; just take it a day at a time. But if the election has you scared, then here are some more things you can do:
1) Get your facts. Hilary won the popular vote, while Trump won the electoral college. Which means that a slim majority of people are not the racist, homophobic stereotypes of Trump supporters. Some are simply mistaken--even some LGBT people support him. Voter turnout was also less than fifty percent, by some measurements.
Also learn the powers of the presidential office. He can select Supreme Court justices, and do relatively little else long-term. (Trump will be replacing a late justice that was already conservative, and I have not heard of Ruth Bader-Ginsburg having any health problems so far.) We will see if anything changes, but that is how it stands right now.
This may or may not make you feel better. It made me feel a tiny bit better.
(I have verified these facts as much as I could, though I don't wish to do it all over again to provide the links. I write this blog for a hobby, after all.)
2) For LGBT People: Couples that are already engaged should get legally married as soon as possible. They may or may not be able to make marriages illegal retroactively. If you are already married, it will be harder for them to take it from you. Have as many legal documents as possible--wills, power of attorney, living wills, adoption, medical release for minors, etc--made up in case your marriage becomes void overnight. Don't rush your relationship, but if you know for sure, then don't wait.
Trans people should make all legal and medical changes as quickly as possible. It may or may not be more difficult or expensive later. Surgery and other things like hormones is a big step, but if you are absolutely sure that you want it, don't wait.
Also read the rest of the suggestions, for everyone.
3) For immigrants, or racial or religious minorities: All I will say is that if it makes you feel better to take actions to attempt to "blend in," or to move to another area to feel safer, if you can, I don't think anyone has the right to make you feel bad about it. Do what you must, both for your safety and your identity, and balancing the two.
Get citizenship as quickly as possible, if you can and don't have it now.
4) Consider getting a gun at home, especially if your phobic or racist neighbors have one. And make sure they know you have it! This isn't to actually shoot anyone, but to hopefully keep them at bay. Hang a Pink Pistols (an LGBT gun group) sign next to your rainbow flag.
5) Save as much money as possible, in case of higher gas rates or losing health insurance, etc. This goes double if you have an expensive medical condition or disability. Even if you suddenly come into a windfall, don't treat yourself, except in small ways. Don't buy a new car, or go on an expensive vacation. Save it for a rainy day.
6) Hoard food, even and especially pet food. You can eat their food, but they may not be able to eat yours. Start slowly, but start. Be sure to hoard stuff you actually eat now, especially meat or other protein, so it's not wasted if nothing happens.
7) For those with loved ones far away: Have a plan so that they can get to you, or you to them. Can your kid halfway across the country carpool with someone who has a similar plan? Do they have enough money to pay for gas or a plane ticket to get to you? You may not be able to wire them anything. If you have a relative in the country, don't show up empty-handed and expect them to feed you.
8) If you're sexually active, and especially can get pregnant, stock up on condoms. It would be best to avoid the situation of needing an abortion during a Republican presidency. Pence has also said that he would cut funding for HIV/AIDS research, in order to fund anti-gay conversion therapy (which actually makes suicide rates go UP, not down!). So, use a condom/gloves/dental dams. And get tested, and vaccinated for HPV, as soon as possible, if you're sexually active. (And remember, condoms expire in six months, and need proper care. Read the instructions.)
9) Be as job-flexible as possible. Read books about switching careers. Learn new job skills, as much as you can. Get a job with a stable company, not an up-and-comer (but still be flexible with your career). If you can, be sure your profession is something useful, that people will always need, such as being a nurse or a mechanic. Read preparedness books. Start up your own side business or job, if you can.
10) Know about natural medicine, and have books about it on hand. It may not be as effective or quick as normal medicine, but you may have to rely on it, if other things are not available or are too expensive.
11) Help your own community. One man I know decided to do this, to assuage his fears of his husband not always being his legal husband. Create LGBT and other safe spaces on your campus, or in your neighborhood or community. Hang a rainbow flag out front or wear a safety pin on your clothes.
12) Talk soothingly to yourself. "I love you," "I am good," or even, "God is glad he made me gay," have been some of the things that I and others have repeated to ourselves, until we've felt better. Be on your own side.
13) Don't be afraid of weird stuff. I have a book called Predicting Your Future by Selene (no last name), with all kinds of fun and weird techniques. I don't know how accurate that book really is, but having it makes me feel a little better, and it is interesting. It's at least something, in this uncertain world (which would be uncertain no matter who was president). We don't anything for sure, so why not give everything at least a try?
14) Get a stuffed animal. If you already have one, cuddling it at your computer or sleeping with it is very comforting, especially when your real animals are busy or absent. Your cats won't always want to cuddle when you do, unfortunately. Don't go overboard buying stuffed animals, of course; one, or however many you have now, will do.
15) Focus on the little things. When my campus had a shooting last October, I focused on the little things--my new kittens, cleaning out my closets, etc--in order to move past it. Focus on the little things, especially those that make you happy.
Tuesday, November 22, 2016
Preppers: You Won't Eat Then, What You Eat Now
It is my goal to have at least six months, and eventually a year, of food and some other necessities laid aside for me and my animals. But when I thought about how to go about it, I realized that I can't have a year's supply of food on hand, exactly as my diet is now.
Most of the food I eat now comes from the refrigerator and freezer, not the cabinet. I would need many more freezers just to store a year's supply of food, as I eat it now. (Some things don't even freeze well, either.) And that would require a lot of energy, just to store it. And I would also be screwed if the power is shut off because of finances, or otherwise unavailable.
So I have to think in terms of a year's supply of food, if I didn't have a freezer to store anything--in other words, non-perishable food.
Starches, such as rice and oatmeal, are cheap and easy to store. But protein is more expensive, so it would be more scarce if something happens. If you are hurting for food, carbs and sugars are not going to be your biggest concern. They are the most cheaply and easily available.
Protein is especially important to hoard, maybe even more so for vegans and vegetarians--and especially those with carnivorous pets such as cats. Don't be so much of a minimalist or vagabond that you can't do this, and take care of yourself.
I could eat beans for protein, which are very cheap and easy to store. But my cats will not eat beans. So I must get meat and high-quality kibble for their health. But at the same time, I know that I will eat some cans of mackerel, if that is what I have to eat, even if it is reserved for my cats. (Mackerel is the cheapest canned meat in my area.) So I must get enough cans of mackerel, for six months' or a year's supply, if that was the only meat I had to eat.
Sounds overwhelming, doesn't it? But I work towards this goal steadily, little by little each week.
I am not sure how much I, my cats, my disabled chicken, my two big dogs, and my family, will go through each day, if it was the only thing we had to eat. We like to feed our cats lots of meat now, though they occasionally get tired of it and stop eating it.
But I don't want to have to resort to killing and eating one of my non-disabled chickens. (I would feed Antonio meat and fish, because I am more strict with his diet than with the other chickens, because of his disability. Mackerel is also supposed to be good for his joints, which is what is disabled about him. And, well, he's my special pet, so I would kill another chicken first, if I had to kill one.) I can boil rice and beans for the chickens, and they can eat bugs in summer. But the carnivore pets are what worry me most.
I am still calculating and figuring out how much would be six months, and then a year's supply of non-perishable food, especially meat protein. And I am also figuring out where to store it, even as I steadily increase my supply, little by little. But protein, especially meat, is my number one priority. It is easy to take care of my goats, rabbits, guinea pigs, and chickens. And carbs for humans are also cheap. But meat is harder to come by.
Jerky is expensive, and even if I made it myself, would I eat it, when fresh meat is available? Canned chicken and tuna are expensive, so that leaves fish, and mackerel is a better deal for my area than sardines, though they taste roughly the same to me.
We already feed mackerel to our animals, and occasionally I eat it too. How much we feed to our cats varies from week to week, depending on their health and preferences, so it is hard to say how much we would feed them--how many cans we would go through a day--if we didn't have money for other meat. And since my dad isn't good about stocking up for his own huge dogs, they might be eating mackerel instead of canned dog food, which would deplete our stores much quicker.
But I do know that "six months worth of mackerel," in bad times (if they come), is not the same as "six months worth of mackerel" in these good times. So my "six -month" supply of mackerel, if nothing happens, would probably last me much longer than six months.
My goal, for now, is about 360 cans--a six-month supply if we go through two cans a day--and maybe, eventually, even more. I am still experimenting with where to store them, though I suspect they would do just fine in a box or plastic tote on a porch or patio.
Just remember to include in your calculations what you and your household would eat, if you had to rely only on non-perishable and canned food. And don't be afraid to figure things out as you go along--that's exactly what I'm doing, and it's good enough for me. The important thing is that you get started, even in some small way. And be sure to continue, even if your progress must be slow or halting at first.
You will feel so much better, if you know that no matter what happens to you or the economy or the food distribution system, you and your family will eat. And your slow but steady progress towards that goal will just make you feel better and better.
Most of the food I eat now comes from the refrigerator and freezer, not the cabinet. I would need many more freezers just to store a year's supply of food, as I eat it now. (Some things don't even freeze well, either.) And that would require a lot of energy, just to store it. And I would also be screwed if the power is shut off because of finances, or otherwise unavailable.
So I have to think in terms of a year's supply of food, if I didn't have a freezer to store anything--in other words, non-perishable food.
Starches, such as rice and oatmeal, are cheap and easy to store. But protein is more expensive, so it would be more scarce if something happens. If you are hurting for food, carbs and sugars are not going to be your biggest concern. They are the most cheaply and easily available.
Protein is especially important to hoard, maybe even more so for vegans and vegetarians--and especially those with carnivorous pets such as cats. Don't be so much of a minimalist or vagabond that you can't do this, and take care of yourself.
I could eat beans for protein, which are very cheap and easy to store. But my cats will not eat beans. So I must get meat and high-quality kibble for their health. But at the same time, I know that I will eat some cans of mackerel, if that is what I have to eat, even if it is reserved for my cats. (Mackerel is the cheapest canned meat in my area.) So I must get enough cans of mackerel, for six months' or a year's supply, if that was the only meat I had to eat.
Sounds overwhelming, doesn't it? But I work towards this goal steadily, little by little each week.
I am not sure how much I, my cats, my disabled chicken, my two big dogs, and my family, will go through each day, if it was the only thing we had to eat. We like to feed our cats lots of meat now, though they occasionally get tired of it and stop eating it.
But I don't want to have to resort to killing and eating one of my non-disabled chickens. (I would feed Antonio meat and fish, because I am more strict with his diet than with the other chickens, because of his disability. Mackerel is also supposed to be good for his joints, which is what is disabled about him. And, well, he's my special pet, so I would kill another chicken first, if I had to kill one.) I can boil rice and beans for the chickens, and they can eat bugs in summer. But the carnivore pets are what worry me most.
I am still calculating and figuring out how much would be six months, and then a year's supply of non-perishable food, especially meat protein. And I am also figuring out where to store it, even as I steadily increase my supply, little by little. But protein, especially meat, is my number one priority. It is easy to take care of my goats, rabbits, guinea pigs, and chickens. And carbs for humans are also cheap. But meat is harder to come by.
Jerky is expensive, and even if I made it myself, would I eat it, when fresh meat is available? Canned chicken and tuna are expensive, so that leaves fish, and mackerel is a better deal for my area than sardines, though they taste roughly the same to me.
We already feed mackerel to our animals, and occasionally I eat it too. How much we feed to our cats varies from week to week, depending on their health and preferences, so it is hard to say how much we would feed them--how many cans we would go through a day--if we didn't have money for other meat. And since my dad isn't good about stocking up for his own huge dogs, they might be eating mackerel instead of canned dog food, which would deplete our stores much quicker.
But I do know that "six months worth of mackerel," in bad times (if they come), is not the same as "six months worth of mackerel" in these good times. So my "six -month" supply of mackerel, if nothing happens, would probably last me much longer than six months.
My goal, for now, is about 360 cans--a six-month supply if we go through two cans a day--and maybe, eventually, even more. I am still experimenting with where to store them, though I suspect they would do just fine in a box or plastic tote on a porch or patio.
Just remember to include in your calculations what you and your household would eat, if you had to rely only on non-perishable and canned food. And don't be afraid to figure things out as you go along--that's exactly what I'm doing, and it's good enough for me. The important thing is that you get started, even in some small way. And be sure to continue, even if your progress must be slow or halting at first.
You will feel so much better, if you know that no matter what happens to you or the economy or the food distribution system, you and your family will eat. And your slow but steady progress towards that goal will just make you feel better and better.
Budget Artist: 14 Things I've Learned About Paints
This series, Budget Artist, will hopefully encourage you to make art, without spending a lot of money. So many art supplies, especially those geared towards adults, are very expensive, and people seem to think that making art (especially painting) requires a lot of expensive, specialized supplies. I hope that no one is prevented from making art, and having beauty and creativity in their life, because of money, and so this is my attempt to help.
Here is what I have learned so far about paints:
1) Acrylic paint and watercolors are interchangeable. Acrylic can be watered down, to make watercolors, and watercolors in tubes can be used straight, as acrylic paint. There's really not a difference in texture.
2) But you should buy watercolors if you can. If you have a choice, though, I would pick watercolor paint, because it is usually much more vibrant, as it's made to be watered down. You can always water it down or add white to it, if it's too bright. But these two types of paint are usually the same price, and I think watercolors are by far the better deal because of their brightness.
3) There's no need for "artist quality" paints. I have gotten great results with "student quality," or cheap, paints. The art supply companies want to convince us that "real" artists use their stuff, and that only little kids use cheap stuff. They want us to think that "grownups" use expensive stuff, and to feel childish if we use cheap stuff. But there are more cheap brands than Crayola, and I have gotten some great deals from Wal-Mart and the cheaper, "student quality" stuff at Michael's.
4) There may not be a need for canvas or watercolor paper-- even in doing watercolors. I have noticed that, regardless of the thickness of the paper, it may or may not still soak through. And it doesn't matter, if you have a towel down and a place to let it dry adequately. Get the paper that you can afford.
5) Get the paper as big as you can afford. I love using big paper. You can always do smaller designs on bigger paper, but never bigger designs on smaller paper. (Unless you're willing to tape the papers together on one side, in which case you can only use one side.) I would rather have a big pad of newsprint, than a small pad of watercolor paper.
6) You can use nail polish--or other makeup--for paint. I use the nail polish and lipstick that I don't want anymore, as paint. It has a built-in brush already, and what is thin on my nails may be bright on the paper. I may publish a list of the things I have used, or plan to use, in place of paint, but basically, you can use practically anything for paint. I've even read of one woman using her own menstrual blood (and whatever else you may say about that, we have to admit that it's free and convenient every month--this series is called "Budget Artist" after all). Just be sure to paint outside, if you're using nail polish. It can get pretty stinky if you're using a lot of it.
7) Use both sides of the paper.Why not, when it dries on one side, turn it over and do it on the other side? If the paper is thin, it might have soaked through, but you can always add more paint on top.
8) Don't use paints in cakes. I hate watercolors that come in cakes. They are hard to use, and you quickly run out of paint and have to soak some more water into the cake--and wait for the water to soak in there. If you can help it, don't get paint cakes. Squeezing some out of a tube is much easier, and the tubes come in big sizes, too. Of course, with tubes, you have to get a palette, which leads me to...
9) Use candy boxes for palettes. I have received boxes of chocolates for Christmas and birthdays, and I saved the plastic dividers in them, to use as palettes. They have much bigger holes than normal palettes, they have more holes (some of them have quite a lot), and some of them are very sturdy. I have also used candy boxes for jewelry boxes, incidentally.
10) Don't wash your palettes. I don't wash mine. I have probably more than I need (3 or 4), but I like not having to wash them. If paint is left in them, I can either add water to make watercolor paint, or add the same color to the same hole, or add a different color and see how and if they mix together. I may eventually wash them out, but for now I like it this way.
11) Big abstract designs are best for paints, and paints are perhaps best for abstracts. You can't do abstracts wrong. Just put your favorite beautiful colors together in a way that pleases you. If you don't like it, just keep adding paints until you do. Eventually you'll get it right. Meanwhile, small, precise pictures are harder to do with paints.
12) You don't need a whole bunch of different brushes. I usually just use one brush, for every color, and never a small one. I got rid of most of my brushes, in fact, because I don't use them. I'm just here to have fun, not to worry about a bunch of different brushes.
13) You don't need an easel. I use a towel on the floor. An easel might make things easier for you, but you don't need it. You don't need all of these expensive things like easels, canvasses, palettes, etc, just to start painting.
14) Have a Use-It-Up mentality; don't wait for inspiration. I talked more about this here, but basically, this is your paint and your paper. This is for your enjoyment, and nothing is wasted if you enjoy yourself. Just put a towel down on the floor, get a container of water to wash your brush, and start putting paint on the paper. It's only wasted if you let it sit, while your life passes you by without any art or creativity in it. Use it all up as fast as you can. Don't wait until it's too late to use the good stuff!
Here is what I have learned so far about paints:
1) Acrylic paint and watercolors are interchangeable. Acrylic can be watered down, to make watercolors, and watercolors in tubes can be used straight, as acrylic paint. There's really not a difference in texture.
2) But you should buy watercolors if you can. If you have a choice, though, I would pick watercolor paint, because it is usually much more vibrant, as it's made to be watered down. You can always water it down or add white to it, if it's too bright. But these two types of paint are usually the same price, and I think watercolors are by far the better deal because of their brightness.
3) There's no need for "artist quality" paints. I have gotten great results with "student quality," or cheap, paints. The art supply companies want to convince us that "real" artists use their stuff, and that only little kids use cheap stuff. They want us to think that "grownups" use expensive stuff, and to feel childish if we use cheap stuff. But there are more cheap brands than Crayola, and I have gotten some great deals from Wal-Mart and the cheaper, "student quality" stuff at Michael's.
4) There may not be a need for canvas or watercolor paper-- even in doing watercolors. I have noticed that, regardless of the thickness of the paper, it may or may not still soak through. And it doesn't matter, if you have a towel down and a place to let it dry adequately. Get the paper that you can afford.
5) Get the paper as big as you can afford. I love using big paper. You can always do smaller designs on bigger paper, but never bigger designs on smaller paper. (Unless you're willing to tape the papers together on one side, in which case you can only use one side.) I would rather have a big pad of newsprint, than a small pad of watercolor paper.
6) You can use nail polish--or other makeup--for paint. I use the nail polish and lipstick that I don't want anymore, as paint. It has a built-in brush already, and what is thin on my nails may be bright on the paper. I may publish a list of the things I have used, or plan to use, in place of paint, but basically, you can use practically anything for paint. I've even read of one woman using her own menstrual blood (and whatever else you may say about that, we have to admit that it's free and convenient every month--this series is called "Budget Artist" after all). Just be sure to paint outside, if you're using nail polish. It can get pretty stinky if you're using a lot of it.
7) Use both sides of the paper.Why not, when it dries on one side, turn it over and do it on the other side? If the paper is thin, it might have soaked through, but you can always add more paint on top.
8) Don't use paints in cakes. I hate watercolors that come in cakes. They are hard to use, and you quickly run out of paint and have to soak some more water into the cake--and wait for the water to soak in there. If you can help it, don't get paint cakes. Squeezing some out of a tube is much easier, and the tubes come in big sizes, too. Of course, with tubes, you have to get a palette, which leads me to...
9) Use candy boxes for palettes. I have received boxes of chocolates for Christmas and birthdays, and I saved the plastic dividers in them, to use as palettes. They have much bigger holes than normal palettes, they have more holes (some of them have quite a lot), and some of them are very sturdy. I have also used candy boxes for jewelry boxes, incidentally.
10) Don't wash your palettes. I don't wash mine. I have probably more than I need (3 or 4), but I like not having to wash them. If paint is left in them, I can either add water to make watercolor paint, or add the same color to the same hole, or add a different color and see how and if they mix together. I may eventually wash them out, but for now I like it this way.
11) Big abstract designs are best for paints, and paints are perhaps best for abstracts. You can't do abstracts wrong. Just put your favorite beautiful colors together in a way that pleases you. If you don't like it, just keep adding paints until you do. Eventually you'll get it right. Meanwhile, small, precise pictures are harder to do with paints.
12) You don't need a whole bunch of different brushes. I usually just use one brush, for every color, and never a small one. I got rid of most of my brushes, in fact, because I don't use them. I'm just here to have fun, not to worry about a bunch of different brushes.
13) You don't need an easel. I use a towel on the floor. An easel might make things easier for you, but you don't need it. You don't need all of these expensive things like easels, canvasses, palettes, etc, just to start painting.
14) Have a Use-It-Up mentality; don't wait for inspiration. I talked more about this here, but basically, this is your paint and your paper. This is for your enjoyment, and nothing is wasted if you enjoy yourself. Just put a towel down on the floor, get a container of water to wash your brush, and start putting paint on the paper. It's only wasted if you let it sit, while your life passes you by without any art or creativity in it. Use it all up as fast as you can. Don't wait until it's too late to use the good stuff!
Preppers: 10 Tips For Hoarding Canned Meat
I am pleased to now add another category to my blog, other than Minimalism, Budget Artist, and LGBT: Prepping, or, as some like to call it, Doomsday Prepping. I don't believe in doomsday anymore, but I do believe in hard times. We all go through them, whether it's on a national scale or not. So it makes me feel better to have plenty in the freezer, or better yet, non-perishable items that don't require energy to store. So if you can, I encourage you to, as you clean out your space, consider using some of that freed up room to buy some "Eating Insurance" for your family and your pets.
Once, when she was fearful of losing her job, my mom made herself feel better by buying a couple of canned whole chickens with her usual groceries. Having extra protein made her feel better about providing for herself and her family. But whole canned chickens are expensive, and so my meat of choice is mackerel. But I've taken her idea of stocking up, and used it to make myself feel better in general. I don't seem to be in danger of losing a job, but knowing that I have security still makes me feel so much better about the future.
I hope to, eventually, have at least six months worth of food stored for myself, my family, and my pets. I am working towards that goal now.
Here are some things I've learned so far:
1) Shake the cans. A strange lady in the supermarket once told me cheerfully to "shake your tuna," which I later learned was slang for vagina. But it was in the seafood aisle, so I think she wasn't sexually harassing me. By shaking the cans, you can determine how much juice is in there, and how much is meat. The less sloshing, the more food is in there. With some things, it all sounds the same. But if you shake a few cans and hear a difference, then grab the ones with more meat.
2) Weigh the drained ingredients. I found out that a "Net Weight 15 Oz." can of mackerel was actually about ten ounces of meat, not including juice. The juice is good to have, especially for cats and soups, but it is not why you buy canned meat. So that affected my price calculations, because I don't want to overestimate how much weight in food I have. Also weigh your container separately, because they are usually at least an ounce or two themselves.
3) Keep track of price, weight, and drained weight. A 15-ounce can of mackerel, which I buy for a dollar, is actually only 2/3 meat, and a full 1/3 water. So instead of about 7 cents an once, it is actual 10 cents an once. Instead of a little over a dollar, it is $1.60 per pound. It is still the cheapest meat I can find at this time and place, but it feels good to know the actual price of the food. Whatever juice I get is just a bonus.
4) Buy what you (or your pets) actually want to eat, anyway, so there is no waste if you don't need it.
5) Look at the dollar stores. The cans of mackerel I buy are from the dollar store. It happens to have the cheapest price, in my area and for this product. But with other products, it is not the cheapest, or the best deal.
6) Buy "stinky" fish as much as possible. In addition to protein, oily fish, such as my mackerel, has lots of B vitamins and fatty acids--very good for you. Ironically, it's much cheaper than tuna or chicken, too. If you hate it, just remember that eating it twice a week or so is good for you, anyway, so you could consider it a health supplement.
7) Buy a few extra hand-crank can openers. Don't get caught hacking at all of your cans with a knife. It's messy and dangerous.
8) Decide where to store the cans. If you stack a bunch of cans together, you may want to reinforce the floor with plywood or something. But you don't have to store them all together. Just be sure to keep track of how many you actually have.
9) Don't bother with processed meats. Spam and Vienna sausages, for example, are much more expensive per once, and not very good for you. Have as few additives in your meat, and your pets' meat, as possible.
10) Buy slowly over time. You can build up your stash slowly, if it seems overwhelming--like saving a few dollars at a time, it adds up. Buy a few more cans than you eat week, and save up the rest separately from your normal groceries. Or use your "discretionary" income, if you have any. Buying yourself some security will feel a whole lot better than buying another piece of clothing or gadget.
Once, when she was fearful of losing her job, my mom made herself feel better by buying a couple of canned whole chickens with her usual groceries. Having extra protein made her feel better about providing for herself and her family. But whole canned chickens are expensive, and so my meat of choice is mackerel. But I've taken her idea of stocking up, and used it to make myself feel better in general. I don't seem to be in danger of losing a job, but knowing that I have security still makes me feel so much better about the future.
I hope to, eventually, have at least six months worth of food stored for myself, my family, and my pets. I am working towards that goal now.
Here are some things I've learned so far:
1) Shake the cans. A strange lady in the supermarket once told me cheerfully to "shake your tuna," which I later learned was slang for vagina. But it was in the seafood aisle, so I think she wasn't sexually harassing me. By shaking the cans, you can determine how much juice is in there, and how much is meat. The less sloshing, the more food is in there. With some things, it all sounds the same. But if you shake a few cans and hear a difference, then grab the ones with more meat.
2) Weigh the drained ingredients. I found out that a "Net Weight 15 Oz." can of mackerel was actually about ten ounces of meat, not including juice. The juice is good to have, especially for cats and soups, but it is not why you buy canned meat. So that affected my price calculations, because I don't want to overestimate how much weight in food I have. Also weigh your container separately, because they are usually at least an ounce or two themselves.
3) Keep track of price, weight, and drained weight. A 15-ounce can of mackerel, which I buy for a dollar, is actually only 2/3 meat, and a full 1/3 water. So instead of about 7 cents an once, it is actual 10 cents an once. Instead of a little over a dollar, it is $1.60 per pound. It is still the cheapest meat I can find at this time and place, but it feels good to know the actual price of the food. Whatever juice I get is just a bonus.
4) Buy what you (or your pets) actually want to eat, anyway, so there is no waste if you don't need it.
5) Look at the dollar stores. The cans of mackerel I buy are from the dollar store. It happens to have the cheapest price, in my area and for this product. But with other products, it is not the cheapest, or the best deal.
6) Buy "stinky" fish as much as possible. In addition to protein, oily fish, such as my mackerel, has lots of B vitamins and fatty acids--very good for you. Ironically, it's much cheaper than tuna or chicken, too. If you hate it, just remember that eating it twice a week or so is good for you, anyway, so you could consider it a health supplement.
7) Buy a few extra hand-crank can openers. Don't get caught hacking at all of your cans with a knife. It's messy and dangerous.
8) Decide where to store the cans. If you stack a bunch of cans together, you may want to reinforce the floor with plywood or something. But you don't have to store them all together. Just be sure to keep track of how many you actually have.
9) Don't bother with processed meats. Spam and Vienna sausages, for example, are much more expensive per once, and not very good for you. Have as few additives in your meat, and your pets' meat, as possible.
10) Buy slowly over time. You can build up your stash slowly, if it seems overwhelming--like saving a few dollars at a time, it adds up. Buy a few more cans than you eat week, and save up the rest separately from your normal groceries. Or use your "discretionary" income, if you have any. Buying yourself some security will feel a whole lot better than buying another piece of clothing or gadget.
Minimalism/Preppers: Don't Have A Car Payment, In The Age Of Trump
A few months before the election, a couple I know bought a new car for one of the husbands' birthdays. And now that Trump has been elected, they are worried that their marriage will no longer be legal soon. And, I can't help but thinking, they also have a car payment to deal with.
One of my first thoughts when he was elected, other than wondering about LGBT rights, was about the economy. I have a feeling that he will do what is good for his many companies, not necessarily American workers. And that may lead to another recession. He may also repeal Obamacare, which some people are afraid of because they would lose health insurance--another situation where extra money would come in handy.
We had a major recession just a few years ago (though I'm not sure how much Obama controlled the banks and lending companies). And already people seem to have forgotten all about it. About 60-70% (my modest estimate) of cars I see on the road, around my home in southern Oregon, are quite new. And I wonder if it is the same everywhere else in the country.
Every time I am on the road, I cannot believe all of the waste of money and resources that I see. One would think that the recession would make everyone a little more frugal and a little more grateful for what they have--maybe even a little more environmentally conscious. But it has apparently taught us nothing. And it seems like these new cars have been popping up in droves, only in the past few years.
People felt "poor" during the recession, and as soon as they had a little bit of means again, they went out and bought new cars to feel better about themselves. But that is not the way to feel better about yourself, especially in the long term. You will only make things much harder on yourself, when the high of the new car inevitably wears off and you still have the high monthly payment (or a low monthly payment, for the next ten years!). There are other, much less burdensome ways to feel better about yourself. And there are ways to feel better, that don't make you eventually wonder why you did this to yourself.
And all of these people who are scared of uncertain times, now that Trump is elected, don't seem to make the connection to their finances, much less to their car payments. If times are really as bad as they think they're going to get, then you can't afford to burden yourself like this.
My hand-me-down car from my mom (which I absolutely love, for its memories and its free price tag) is about the same age as me--25 years old. A few years ago, my mom had a new engine put in it, for about $2,000. She says that we may need to put a new transmission in it soon, which she estimates would be about $300.
So we've got, basically, a brand-new car for $2,300. And $300 of it we didn't have to pay at first. If the guts of the car are new, the rest of it is probably fine. It's like different organs in the same human body. In a way, it's morbidly fascinating. My car is Frankenstein's monster.
It is much cheaper to buy a car at least ten years old, and have it worked over by a mechanic, than to buy a new, or newer, car. People say that they don't want to bother having work done, but they really can't afford not to. There is no way you can tell me that all of the people driving around new cars can afford them. I know my own family really can't, even though they still buy them. (My uncle regularly complains to my mother, "I just hate having this car payment!" but he never learns.)
I realized before the election that I wanted to stock up on extra food for me and all of my many animals. And it wasn't necessarily because of the upcoming election--I wanted to stock up even if Hillary won. Worst case scenario, nothing happens, and I have a store for personal hard times. I'm not wasting, either, since I buy only what I and my pets already eat, and plan to rotate everything.
And now I have more security, knowing that I will have that food insurance for, as I eventually plan, at least six months. And I also have no debt to worry about paying off. There are ways to make yourself feel more prepared for the coming months and years.
What I have, I wish the same for you. I would urge you, especially if you are afraid, to unburden yourself as quickly as possible. Sell or, if you can, return your new car to reduce or eliminate your debt. Or don't go into debt in the first place. If something happens, you will be glad you did this! If you fear something will happen, you will be glad you did. (And don't wait until the economy is already in trouble. If you are in trouble at that time, others probably will be, too.) And you would probably be glad you sold it anyway, when the high of having a new car wears off.
Unburden yourself, and free up as much money as possible to stock up and to save for a rainy day. And then you will not be as afraid.
One of my first thoughts when he was elected, other than wondering about LGBT rights, was about the economy. I have a feeling that he will do what is good for his many companies, not necessarily American workers. And that may lead to another recession. He may also repeal Obamacare, which some people are afraid of because they would lose health insurance--another situation where extra money would come in handy.
We had a major recession just a few years ago (though I'm not sure how much Obama controlled the banks and lending companies). And already people seem to have forgotten all about it. About 60-70% (my modest estimate) of cars I see on the road, around my home in southern Oregon, are quite new. And I wonder if it is the same everywhere else in the country.
Every time I am on the road, I cannot believe all of the waste of money and resources that I see. One would think that the recession would make everyone a little more frugal and a little more grateful for what they have--maybe even a little more environmentally conscious. But it has apparently taught us nothing. And it seems like these new cars have been popping up in droves, only in the past few years.
People felt "poor" during the recession, and as soon as they had a little bit of means again, they went out and bought new cars to feel better about themselves. But that is not the way to feel better about yourself, especially in the long term. You will only make things much harder on yourself, when the high of the new car inevitably wears off and you still have the high monthly payment (or a low monthly payment, for the next ten years!). There are other, much less burdensome ways to feel better about yourself. And there are ways to feel better, that don't make you eventually wonder why you did this to yourself.
And all of these people who are scared of uncertain times, now that Trump is elected, don't seem to make the connection to their finances, much less to their car payments. If times are really as bad as they think they're going to get, then you can't afford to burden yourself like this.
My hand-me-down car from my mom (which I absolutely love, for its memories and its free price tag) is about the same age as me--25 years old. A few years ago, my mom had a new engine put in it, for about $2,000. She says that we may need to put a new transmission in it soon, which she estimates would be about $300.
So we've got, basically, a brand-new car for $2,300. And $300 of it we didn't have to pay at first. If the guts of the car are new, the rest of it is probably fine. It's like different organs in the same human body. In a way, it's morbidly fascinating. My car is Frankenstein's monster.
It is much cheaper to buy a car at least ten years old, and have it worked over by a mechanic, than to buy a new, or newer, car. People say that they don't want to bother having work done, but they really can't afford not to. There is no way you can tell me that all of the people driving around new cars can afford them. I know my own family really can't, even though they still buy them. (My uncle regularly complains to my mother, "I just hate having this car payment!" but he never learns.)
I realized before the election that I wanted to stock up on extra food for me and all of my many animals. And it wasn't necessarily because of the upcoming election--I wanted to stock up even if Hillary won. Worst case scenario, nothing happens, and I have a store for personal hard times. I'm not wasting, either, since I buy only what I and my pets already eat, and plan to rotate everything.
And now I have more security, knowing that I will have that food insurance for, as I eventually plan, at least six months. And I also have no debt to worry about paying off. There are ways to make yourself feel more prepared for the coming months and years.
What I have, I wish the same for you. I would urge you, especially if you are afraid, to unburden yourself as quickly as possible. Sell or, if you can, return your new car to reduce or eliminate your debt. Or don't go into debt in the first place. If something happens, you will be glad you did this! If you fear something will happen, you will be glad you did. (And don't wait until the economy is already in trouble. If you are in trouble at that time, others probably will be, too.) And you would probably be glad you sold it anyway, when the high of having a new car wears off.
Unburden yourself, and free up as much money as possible to stock up and to save for a rainy day. And then you will not be as afraid.
Sunday, November 13, 2016
Minimalism: My Simple Wedding Tips
I recently talked about watching a video in which a gay couple casually mentioned the $20,000 price tag of their wedding, which prompted me to decide between the two fancy dresses I have now, which one would be my future wedding dress. I decided on the purple one instead of the black one. It doesn't have to be white, and I don't want to get and keep a dress I love less than my other two, just because it's white.
I've never had a wedding, and I'm not even planning one currently, but I am determined not to go into debt, for one day out of my life, which I would be paying for many days out of my life. People used to make do with whatever they had, which was far less than shat we have today. Brides would pass around wedding dresses, they would wear white skirted suits, couples would simply go to the courthouse. And now we've got marriage equality (for now, and we will deal with any setbacks as the time comes), just for gay couples to screw themselves financially as much as straight couples do.
I talked to my mom about her own (straight) wedding, and she said that it was about $1,000, in 1990. Here's what I learned from her:
1) Do it in the evening, after everyone's already eaten dinner. She had it at 7:00 p.m., and only served cake and snacks. That was very smart! The rehearsal dinner was pizza at a local restaurant. Yum.
2) Have someone who sews make your dress as their gift. My mother designed her own dress, out of three different patterns, and my grandmother put it all together as her gift. This tip is for people who feel they must wear white, or don't want to use a dress they already have.(Can you imagine how much the gay couple mentioned above would have spent, had they both been women who like fancy dresses? All they got for all their money were matching tuxes.)
3) Have someone bake your cake as a gift to you. My mom said that her aunt had a major meltdown, on my mom's wedding day, crying, "I can't get the flowers to stick on the cake!" My mom still rolls her eyes when recounting that story. But her cake was free, even if she had to deal with an overly emotional baker. (I'm not sure how much my conservative family will someday participate in my presumably same-sex wedding. And if they would boycott a gay wedding, I don't want them at mine--even if it's to a man. If I have to bake my own cake, I will.)
4) Choose a cheap or free venue. My parents had the use of a church, because they were members there, and being married by the pastor, but that will not be so easy for me. Even the few affirming churches in town, which some of my gay friends go to, I do not want to attend, for various reasons. So I will have it at my grandparents' house or, if they or my homophobic uncle refuse me, at my own house or somewhere just as free. My aunt and uncle on my dad's side had theirs in their own backyard, which was lush with their huge garden, and it was a very charming and earthy wedding. I think hippie weddings are lovely.
5) Don't have bridesmaids, groomsmen, etc. My parents had them, but I don't see the point. Unless my future spouse really wants them, I don't care to have them. They're just people to put on display, and you can carry each other's rings. If you don't have the people, then you don't have to dress them. My mom caught a lucky break by finding bridesmaid's dresses on sale, but she says that renting the men's tuxes was still the biggest cost.
6) The less you pay for a wedding, the less pressure to have it be "perfect." My mom didn't care that the flowers didn't stick on the cake. But if she had paid the 1990 equivalent of $1,000 or more for that cake, plus the venue, the wedding dress(es), the catering...it might have been a very different story. She might have felt the urge to get her money's worth, and gotten upset that for that amount, everything wasn't perfectly perfect. She might have felt fearful and cheated. Don't put so much pressure on yourself.
7) Remember that you can always renew your vows later. If you are dissatisfied with this wedding, seriously, just have another next year or in fifty years. You can do that, if your wedding budget is tiny--and not just tiny by wedding standards!
8) Remember that this is one day out of your life together. Yes, it should be special--but you don't need lots of money to make it special! You are committing to this wonderful person that you love. (Right?) You don't have to be a princess for a day, to feel special, if your mate is special enough. Don't handicap the new life you are starting together, by going into debt for only one day. Yes, it may be a memorable day--but should love really come with a huge bill attached? Make the memory of the day that you and your partner decided to make it easier on yourselves for years to come.
I've never had a wedding, and I'm not even planning one currently, but I am determined not to go into debt, for one day out of my life, which I would be paying for many days out of my life. People used to make do with whatever they had, which was far less than shat we have today. Brides would pass around wedding dresses, they would wear white skirted suits, couples would simply go to the courthouse. And now we've got marriage equality (for now, and we will deal with any setbacks as the time comes), just for gay couples to screw themselves financially as much as straight couples do.
I talked to my mom about her own (straight) wedding, and she said that it was about $1,000, in 1990. Here's what I learned from her:
1) Do it in the evening, after everyone's already eaten dinner. She had it at 7:00 p.m., and only served cake and snacks. That was very smart! The rehearsal dinner was pizza at a local restaurant. Yum.
2) Have someone who sews make your dress as their gift. My mother designed her own dress, out of three different patterns, and my grandmother put it all together as her gift. This tip is for people who feel they must wear white, or don't want to use a dress they already have.(Can you imagine how much the gay couple mentioned above would have spent, had they both been women who like fancy dresses? All they got for all their money were matching tuxes.)
3) Have someone bake your cake as a gift to you. My mom said that her aunt had a major meltdown, on my mom's wedding day, crying, "I can't get the flowers to stick on the cake!" My mom still rolls her eyes when recounting that story. But her cake was free, even if she had to deal with an overly emotional baker. (I'm not sure how much my conservative family will someday participate in my presumably same-sex wedding. And if they would boycott a gay wedding, I don't want them at mine--even if it's to a man. If I have to bake my own cake, I will.)
4) Choose a cheap or free venue. My parents had the use of a church, because they were members there, and being married by the pastor, but that will not be so easy for me. Even the few affirming churches in town, which some of my gay friends go to, I do not want to attend, for various reasons. So I will have it at my grandparents' house or, if they or my homophobic uncle refuse me, at my own house or somewhere just as free. My aunt and uncle on my dad's side had theirs in their own backyard, which was lush with their huge garden, and it was a very charming and earthy wedding. I think hippie weddings are lovely.
5) Don't have bridesmaids, groomsmen, etc. My parents had them, but I don't see the point. Unless my future spouse really wants them, I don't care to have them. They're just people to put on display, and you can carry each other's rings. If you don't have the people, then you don't have to dress them. My mom caught a lucky break by finding bridesmaid's dresses on sale, but she says that renting the men's tuxes was still the biggest cost.
6) The less you pay for a wedding, the less pressure to have it be "perfect." My mom didn't care that the flowers didn't stick on the cake. But if she had paid the 1990 equivalent of $1,000 or more for that cake, plus the venue, the wedding dress(es), the catering...it might have been a very different story. She might have felt the urge to get her money's worth, and gotten upset that for that amount, everything wasn't perfectly perfect. She might have felt fearful and cheated. Don't put so much pressure on yourself.
7) Remember that you can always renew your vows later. If you are dissatisfied with this wedding, seriously, just have another next year or in fifty years. You can do that, if your wedding budget is tiny--and not just tiny by wedding standards!
8) Remember that this is one day out of your life together. Yes, it should be special--but you don't need lots of money to make it special! You are committing to this wonderful person that you love. (Right?) You don't have to be a princess for a day, to feel special, if your mate is special enough. Don't handicap the new life you are starting together, by going into debt for only one day. Yes, it may be a memorable day--but should love really come with a huge bill attached? Make the memory of the day that you and your partner decided to make it easier on yourselves for years to come.
Minimalism: $20,000 For A "Cheap" Wedding?!
I recently watched a video of a gay couple talk about their wedding. "We were on the very lowest end of wedding prices," one of them remarked. "We came in at just under $20,000 for everything."
Twenty thousand dollars was the very cheapest? I was so shocked, I literally said aloud, "Oh my god, why have one?! Why not just jump a broom together?" And I never usually talk back to the computer or tv.
I immediately thought of another video I saw, months earlier (which I haven't been able to find since), in which an elderly woman talked about her experiences getting married during WWII. "All of the wives on the army base shared the same wedding dress," she said, "We took turns with it."
They all shared the same dress. The shorter women would have had to pick up their skirt to walk, and the taller women would have had to make do with one that was not full-length. I'm not sure what they did for women who were of a different weight. But it is what they had, and it had to be enough.
I am fascinated by the cutbacks people had to make during the thirties and forties. They survived with much less than we do today, even though it had to be imposed by the Depression and the war, and was relatively temporary. We are so lucky, today, that we do not have to ration food and fabric, make clothes from feed sacks, and put makeup on our legs because we have no stockings available.
But if we cut back in many ways, voluntarily, today, we would be so much better off, financially and in the simplicity of our lives. I love that I can choose where to cut back, because of our modern prosperity, but I also love to find ways to reuse things and not spend money--especially copious amounts like $20,000.
After seeing that shocking video, I went through my own dresses. Other than my Mary Marvel costume (which I am excited to say I made myself, from satin fabric bought at a store-moving sale, and a short red dress for the skirt), I had two: a gauzy, sparkly black dress with a handkerchief hem at the ankles, and a shimmering, light purple full-length dress with an Empire waistline. I call them my Witch Dress and my Fairy Godmother Dress, as I have only to add a hat or wings and I have a complete costume. I am very proud of both of these, as the Witch Dress cost me six dollars at the thrift shop, and the Fairy Godmother Dress came almost free in a grab bag from a garage sale. I used to have several more very nice dresses, but through cleaning out my things over the years, these are the two that have stayed, because I love them both so much.
I decided that I wanted to be married, someday, as the Fairy Godmother.
There is no need for white, as white wedding dresses have only been around since Queen Victoria decided to marry in white, since it was her favorite color. Before that, white was the color of mourning for royalty. Then it became the standard for weddings, when the queen wore it. Laura Ingalls later married in black, because that was what was available.
My mom suggested that I find a wedding dress I like, now, from a thrift shop. But I have a feeling that, if I found a white or cream dress, I would get tired of it eventually, even if I was married in it already. And I don't want to wear my mom's dress, because it has too many beads and sequins on it for my taste.
"Then get married in a tuxedo," she said. I didn't want to, though, because I don't think I'm that kind of lesbian.
I love lace, and my Fairy Godmother Dress has no lace. But I also already know that I love this one. It can be used for my wedding or other very special occasions. Unless I happen to find or make a dress of any color, with lots of delicate lace, that I love more, this is it for me.
The people who were married in past times did not have perfect weddings. My own grandmother wore a white skirted suit, in 1959. There was not as much pressure on weddings to be perfect, because they often couldn't be, with the available budget and materials.
And maybe there is more pressure on same-sex weddings to be perfect, so that they will feel "real" to the couple. But a wedding is only one day, out of the whole life you are building together. It will be memorable, no matter what you do, what happens, or what you can afford. And $20,000 or more can buy a down payment on a house--or a fraction of that could buy a nice trip, and you can stock up on food so that you know you will eat for a long time. However magical it is, why have one day cost you a lot of debt, that you will be paying for in your new life together?
I don't know exactly how I will find someone who shares my unusual financial values, but I'm determined that I don't want to ruin my own credit or life for love. I'm not sure when to bring up financial goals, especially early on in the relationship, but I'll deal with that when I find a special boyfriend or girlfriend. But I don't want someone who will pressure me to go into debt, or help me go into debt. And someday, I hope to have a wedding that reflects that financial commitment.
Twenty thousand dollars was the very cheapest? I was so shocked, I literally said aloud, "Oh my god, why have one?! Why not just jump a broom together?" And I never usually talk back to the computer or tv.
I immediately thought of another video I saw, months earlier (which I haven't been able to find since), in which an elderly woman talked about her experiences getting married during WWII. "All of the wives on the army base shared the same wedding dress," she said, "We took turns with it."
They all shared the same dress. The shorter women would have had to pick up their skirt to walk, and the taller women would have had to make do with one that was not full-length. I'm not sure what they did for women who were of a different weight. But it is what they had, and it had to be enough.
I am fascinated by the cutbacks people had to make during the thirties and forties. They survived with much less than we do today, even though it had to be imposed by the Depression and the war, and was relatively temporary. We are so lucky, today, that we do not have to ration food and fabric, make clothes from feed sacks, and put makeup on our legs because we have no stockings available.
But if we cut back in many ways, voluntarily, today, we would be so much better off, financially and in the simplicity of our lives. I love that I can choose where to cut back, because of our modern prosperity, but I also love to find ways to reuse things and not spend money--especially copious amounts like $20,000.
After seeing that shocking video, I went through my own dresses. Other than my Mary Marvel costume (which I am excited to say I made myself, from satin fabric bought at a store-moving sale, and a short red dress for the skirt), I had two: a gauzy, sparkly black dress with a handkerchief hem at the ankles, and a shimmering, light purple full-length dress with an Empire waistline. I call them my Witch Dress and my Fairy Godmother Dress, as I have only to add a hat or wings and I have a complete costume. I am very proud of both of these, as the Witch Dress cost me six dollars at the thrift shop, and the Fairy Godmother Dress came almost free in a grab bag from a garage sale. I used to have several more very nice dresses, but through cleaning out my things over the years, these are the two that have stayed, because I love them both so much.
I decided that I wanted to be married, someday, as the Fairy Godmother.
There is no need for white, as white wedding dresses have only been around since Queen Victoria decided to marry in white, since it was her favorite color. Before that, white was the color of mourning for royalty. Then it became the standard for weddings, when the queen wore it. Laura Ingalls later married in black, because that was what was available.
My mom suggested that I find a wedding dress I like, now, from a thrift shop. But I have a feeling that, if I found a white or cream dress, I would get tired of it eventually, even if I was married in it already. And I don't want to wear my mom's dress, because it has too many beads and sequins on it for my taste.
"Then get married in a tuxedo," she said. I didn't want to, though, because I don't think I'm that kind of lesbian.
I love lace, and my Fairy Godmother Dress has no lace. But I also already know that I love this one. It can be used for my wedding or other very special occasions. Unless I happen to find or make a dress of any color, with lots of delicate lace, that I love more, this is it for me.
The people who were married in past times did not have perfect weddings. My own grandmother wore a white skirted suit, in 1959. There was not as much pressure on weddings to be perfect, because they often couldn't be, with the available budget and materials.
And maybe there is more pressure on same-sex weddings to be perfect, so that they will feel "real" to the couple. But a wedding is only one day, out of the whole life you are building together. It will be memorable, no matter what you do, what happens, or what you can afford. And $20,000 or more can buy a down payment on a house--or a fraction of that could buy a nice trip, and you can stock up on food so that you know you will eat for a long time. However magical it is, why have one day cost you a lot of debt, that you will be paying for in your new life together?
I don't know exactly how I will find someone who shares my unusual financial values, but I'm determined that I don't want to ruin my own credit or life for love. I'm not sure when to bring up financial goals, especially early on in the relationship, but I'll deal with that when I find a special boyfriend or girlfriend. But I don't want someone who will pressure me to go into debt, or help me go into debt. And someday, I hope to have a wedding that reflects that financial commitment.
LGBT: How I Feel About My Mom Voting For Trump
A Facebook friend of mine, a gay man, has said repeatedly that if his parents were alive, he would have to disown them because they would vote for Trump. "But I thought your relationship was, um...rocky...anyway, the way you talked," I commented once. He said that yes, he had once gone 15 years without speaking to them.
And while it might be a relief for me to not see my angry, homophobic uncle who bullied me as child (if it were possible without cutting my grandparents out of my life), that sounds a little extreme to do to my own parents.
My mom does not like the Clintons, and she thinks that the president does not have very much power, as it goes. But I can't help feeling like she made a big mistake, which I may have to pay for.
So many people I know are so scared, since the election. Racist and homophobic attacks and harassment have also gone up since Trump was elected. He has emboldened those people.
I'm not sure what the future holds, and I have a feeling that, if he is cleared of the child rape and racketeering charges and is allowed to be president, Trump will do what is best for his many companies, not the American workers. There may be a recession, and already times are getting scarier for LGBT people and minorities.
But for the past couple of months, I've had the feeling that I should prepare for harder times, by stocking up on food and saving as much money as possible. And we have a few months of warning, at least economically.
I have trouble accepting that my mom voted this way, even though Clinton is definitely not ideal. But I also think of how many things she does for me, and how enjoyable our relationship is otherwise. She made a good point about marriage--that the only decision of the Supreme Court to be overturned, other than the racist ones, was Prohibition. Though, like I said, one never knows what could happen, so we must try to prevent disasters and injustice as best we can (even, I feel, in our voting).
And if her rights were controversial, they would be my highest priority when voting.
It will take some time to get over this, but I will eventually feel somewhat better--unless something happens, and they actually can keep their outrageous, homophobic campaign promises. I have to admit it will be harder to get over it, if my mother really did make a mistake that I have to pay for. Even though I'll always love her, and she makes my life easier and better in many ways.
Right now, I'm scared, though not as scared as some people I know. The man mentioned above thinks that both marriage equality and Roe vs. Wade will be overturned forever. I am a little afraid of finding someone to love and not being able to marry her, but I'll deal with the changing of laws as they happen. Right now, I just got to focus on my own life, and the little things in my life.
Even though I'm scared, and even though it's difficult right now sometimes, my relationship with my mom is still the best relationship in my life. I love her, and she loves me, and there's never been any question of that. Maybe my Facebook friends don't understand that. But even my biggest fear in coming out as bisexual to her was that it would be weird for her, not that I would lose her. (Apparently, it's not weird for her at all, from what she's said.)
I hope the next few months will calm my fears, as it becomes apparent that they can't do all they wanted to. In any case, I just got to focus on surviving the next four years--one day at a time. It might get rough, but LGBT people have survived far worse even than the more-dangerous situation we have right now. It probably won't get much worse than the 1950s and before. And even if it does, we have many more allies now, so it probably won't be as bad as 1940s Germany. I just hope that LGBT kids are all right, and have access to resources other than their homophobic parents.
And while it might be a relief for me to not see my angry, homophobic uncle who bullied me as child (if it were possible without cutting my grandparents out of my life), that sounds a little extreme to do to my own parents.
My mom does not like the Clintons, and she thinks that the president does not have very much power, as it goes. But I can't help feeling like she made a big mistake, which I may have to pay for.
So many people I know are so scared, since the election. Racist and homophobic attacks and harassment have also gone up since Trump was elected. He has emboldened those people.
I'm not sure what the future holds, and I have a feeling that, if he is cleared of the child rape and racketeering charges and is allowed to be president, Trump will do what is best for his many companies, not the American workers. There may be a recession, and already times are getting scarier for LGBT people and minorities.
But for the past couple of months, I've had the feeling that I should prepare for harder times, by stocking up on food and saving as much money as possible. And we have a few months of warning, at least economically.
I have trouble accepting that my mom voted this way, even though Clinton is definitely not ideal. But I also think of how many things she does for me, and how enjoyable our relationship is otherwise. She made a good point about marriage--that the only decision of the Supreme Court to be overturned, other than the racist ones, was Prohibition. Though, like I said, one never knows what could happen, so we must try to prevent disasters and injustice as best we can (even, I feel, in our voting).
And if her rights were controversial, they would be my highest priority when voting.
It will take some time to get over this, but I will eventually feel somewhat better--unless something happens, and they actually can keep their outrageous, homophobic campaign promises. I have to admit it will be harder to get over it, if my mother really did make a mistake that I have to pay for. Even though I'll always love her, and she makes my life easier and better in many ways.
Right now, I'm scared, though not as scared as some people I know. The man mentioned above thinks that both marriage equality and Roe vs. Wade will be overturned forever. I am a little afraid of finding someone to love and not being able to marry her, but I'll deal with the changing of laws as they happen. Right now, I just got to focus on my own life, and the little things in my life.
Even though I'm scared, and even though it's difficult right now sometimes, my relationship with my mom is still the best relationship in my life. I love her, and she loves me, and there's never been any question of that. Maybe my Facebook friends don't understand that. But even my biggest fear in coming out as bisexual to her was that it would be weird for her, not that I would lose her. (Apparently, it's not weird for her at all, from what she's said.)
I hope the next few months will calm my fears, as it becomes apparent that they can't do all they wanted to. In any case, I just got to focus on surviving the next four years--one day at a time. It might get rough, but LGBT people have survived far worse even than the more-dangerous situation we have right now. It probably won't get much worse than the 1950s and before. And even if it does, we have many more allies now, so it probably won't be as bad as 1940s Germany. I just hope that LGBT kids are all right, and have access to resources other than their homophobic parents.
LGBT: When A Tragedy Comes Along, Focus On The Little Things
This was originally published on my first blog, Atheist Journeys, after the Pulse shooting in Orlando. Since many LGBT and minority people are scared now, because of Trump's election, and homophobic and racist attacks and harassment have gone up since then, I thought it would help some people if I published this again. I just focus on the little things.
I went to Umpqua Community College last year at the time of the shooting. For the first few days and weeks afterwards, I obsessively went through my room, getting rid of things. I cleaned everything in my room that I could. And I spent time with my two new kittens, which my mom bought for herself and me the day of the shooting.
And now this thing has happened in Orlando, which brings up all of the bad memories for me again. Now I'm focusing on cooking all of the food in my freezer and again, cleaning my bedroom. Among many other little, seemingly insignificant things. They have become very significant, all of a sudden.
Cleaning is very good for one's self-esteem, I believe, though I'll share my complete thoughts on that another time. But cleaning enables one to feel good about themselves, regardless of mental or physical disabilities (when they clean as much as they are able to), career or job prospects, money issues, other issues, etc. It gives a certain peace of mind, even when you're only able to clean a little bit, or only a small space such as a counter top. As long as the space is your own, and you do it for yourself and not for others, it is very rewarding, when your life is in chaos, to have or make some order.
I sometimes think that is why I'm near-sighted, if psychology has anything to do with eyesight, as some people think. My world becomes smaller, so I don't have to look at what upsets me.
If I did look at how I felt, I would think, "Okay, I'm upset, worried, angry, grieving, and scared by this--now what do I do with that?" I wouldn't break down; I don't break down. I would just feel unhappy and miserable, and that's it. It's not cathartic, at all; so why be unhappy, if it doesn't lead to any kind of closure or feeling better?
Sometimes I feel sad--grieved--for seemingly no reason. And I think it's because of having to deal with two shootings in one year, and the year is far from over now. A friend on Facebook remarked that she didn't even have time to get over one shooting, when she had to deal with another. That is exactly how I have felt, for what seems like years. I always seem to have multiple great losses stacked on top of each other. And I wonder how many of them I'll have to deal with in my lifetime, and whether I can ever have just a few years of peace. For once, being young does not seem like a benefit.
The world is getting better and worse at the same time. If this keeps up, almost all of the population will soon be wearing rainbows for equality--on our everyday wear, or what we currently know as bulletproof vests. I understand now why movies set in a dystopian or apocalyptic future are so popular; they are much like our own world. It's the same old shit, served up in a different way so that we don't get bored or burnt out on it.
So I focus on the little things. I get rid of some hats that I no longer like. I try to use up all of my beads. I watch more TV as an escape. And when I feel sad, I talk with my mom or allow myself to cry on the inside, even if I can't on the outside. I just focus on the little things, things I can control, and that's what keeps me going. Sometimes that is all I can do. So I focus on these things, and that makes life a little more bearable, at least for a time. And sometimes you really must take it one day at a time.
I went to Umpqua Community College last year at the time of the shooting. For the first few days and weeks afterwards, I obsessively went through my room, getting rid of things. I cleaned everything in my room that I could. And I spent time with my two new kittens, which my mom bought for herself and me the day of the shooting.
And now this thing has happened in Orlando, which brings up all of the bad memories for me again. Now I'm focusing on cooking all of the food in my freezer and again, cleaning my bedroom. Among many other little, seemingly insignificant things. They have become very significant, all of a sudden.
Cleaning is very good for one's self-esteem, I believe, though I'll share my complete thoughts on that another time. But cleaning enables one to feel good about themselves, regardless of mental or physical disabilities (when they clean as much as they are able to), career or job prospects, money issues, other issues, etc. It gives a certain peace of mind, even when you're only able to clean a little bit, or only a small space such as a counter top. As long as the space is your own, and you do it for yourself and not for others, it is very rewarding, when your life is in chaos, to have or make some order.
I sometimes think that is why I'm near-sighted, if psychology has anything to do with eyesight, as some people think. My world becomes smaller, so I don't have to look at what upsets me.
If I did look at how I felt, I would think, "Okay, I'm upset, worried, angry, grieving, and scared by this--now what do I do with that?" I wouldn't break down; I don't break down. I would just feel unhappy and miserable, and that's it. It's not cathartic, at all; so why be unhappy, if it doesn't lead to any kind of closure or feeling better?
Sometimes I feel sad--grieved--for seemingly no reason. And I think it's because of having to deal with two shootings in one year, and the year is far from over now. A friend on Facebook remarked that she didn't even have time to get over one shooting, when she had to deal with another. That is exactly how I have felt, for what seems like years. I always seem to have multiple great losses stacked on top of each other. And I wonder how many of them I'll have to deal with in my lifetime, and whether I can ever have just a few years of peace. For once, being young does not seem like a benefit.
The world is getting better and worse at the same time. If this keeps up, almost all of the population will soon be wearing rainbows for equality--on our everyday wear, or what we currently know as bulletproof vests. I understand now why movies set in a dystopian or apocalyptic future are so popular; they are much like our own world. It's the same old shit, served up in a different way so that we don't get bored or burnt out on it.
So I focus on the little things. I get rid of some hats that I no longer like. I try to use up all of my beads. I watch more TV as an escape. And when I feel sad, I talk with my mom or allow myself to cry on the inside, even if I can't on the outside. I just focus on the little things, things I can control, and that's what keeps me going. Sometimes that is all I can do. So I focus on these things, and that makes life a little more bearable, at least for a time. And sometimes you really must take it one day at a time.
Wednesday, November 2, 2016
LGBT: Internalized Homophobia, And A Helpful Visualization
My biggest struggle with what I believe can be called "internalized homophobia," for me personally, is not thinking along the lines of, "Why am I so bad for being gay?" but getting defensive whenever I do or think something LGBT-positive. Most often I hear the voice of my closeted--ahem, homophobic--uncle, whom I've often feared because he physically bullied me as a child.
I hear his voice mocking LGBT people, whether he would do that in real life or not. (Frankly, I really don't care to know.) Or "he," in my mind, tries to be self-righteous with his religion--as he in real life has done before, and not only for this controversy. And I tend to automatically feel as if I have to answer and argue back, even in my own mind, so that I can "stay sharp" if it ever happens in real life. Or I find myself arguing back automatically, without thinking about it. And it is exhausting.
I have recently come up with a simply visualization, though, that has helped me. Ultimately, it should not matter what they say, or who "wins" the argument, because at the end of the day, I will go back to my queer life. And I should try to be happy, not try to win arguments. Yes, it would be nice to convince others not to be cruel or not to hurt others, but I can't convince them if that's what they already want to do. So I need to focus on creating a good life for myself.
I have created a visualization that helps me not to feel compelled all the time to argue, and it goes thus:
I am walking down the street, perhaps marching in a Pride parade, or perhaps wearing an LGBT-supportive t-shirt, etc. I am walking past an anti-gay protester holding a sign. I am the target of that protestor's attention, maybe his rage or self-righteousness. He perhaps yells at me, or tells me I am going to hell, or calls me a faggot--I tailor this fantasy to suit what bothers me at the moment.
I walk on past him, turning a deaf ear to him. I totally ignore him, because he is not worth my time. Arguing is just what he wants, and would only make him more stubborn. He is not worth my time. I have better things to do.
I walk past him, and enter a coffee shop to buy a fancy coffee drink--or I enter another store to treat myself to something else.
Basically, I ignore and walk past a protestor, to treat myself to something good, something I like.
I don't feel the need to argue. I don't feel the need to prove myself to him. I just walk right past him, close to him, but I keep moving. I overcome my fears. And at the end of walking past him, there is a reward.
And yes, it is most often a "him," because my uncle, as far as I know, is a "him." And he is most often the one that bothers me.
It is so tempting to try to argue with everyone, but, as a friend once told me, "I think your mental health is more important than his bigotry." I will hopefully convince people to be more accepting, and therefore make the world a better place, by simply living my life as openly and happily as possible.
This visualization helps me, in practicing not being bothered. I live in such a small town, I don't know if I will ever encounter protestors of this nature here. But the protestor is more of a symbol, in my mind, than an actual person. And I try this visualization whenever I feel defensive towards the "protestors" in my own mind.
I hope this is helpful to you. I do wonder how many people feel bad for being LGBT, and how many, like me, feel defensive because of detractors and religious bullies in their mind.
Take care of yourself. Remember, your mental health is more important than their bigotry.
I hear his voice mocking LGBT people, whether he would do that in real life or not. (Frankly, I really don't care to know.) Or "he," in my mind, tries to be self-righteous with his religion--as he in real life has done before, and not only for this controversy. And I tend to automatically feel as if I have to answer and argue back, even in my own mind, so that I can "stay sharp" if it ever happens in real life. Or I find myself arguing back automatically, without thinking about it. And it is exhausting.
I have recently come up with a simply visualization, though, that has helped me. Ultimately, it should not matter what they say, or who "wins" the argument, because at the end of the day, I will go back to my queer life. And I should try to be happy, not try to win arguments. Yes, it would be nice to convince others not to be cruel or not to hurt others, but I can't convince them if that's what they already want to do. So I need to focus on creating a good life for myself.
I have created a visualization that helps me not to feel compelled all the time to argue, and it goes thus:
I am walking down the street, perhaps marching in a Pride parade, or perhaps wearing an LGBT-supportive t-shirt, etc. I am walking past an anti-gay protester holding a sign. I am the target of that protestor's attention, maybe his rage or self-righteousness. He perhaps yells at me, or tells me I am going to hell, or calls me a faggot--I tailor this fantasy to suit what bothers me at the moment.
I walk on past him, turning a deaf ear to him. I totally ignore him, because he is not worth my time. Arguing is just what he wants, and would only make him more stubborn. He is not worth my time. I have better things to do.
I walk past him, and enter a coffee shop to buy a fancy coffee drink--or I enter another store to treat myself to something else.
Basically, I ignore and walk past a protestor, to treat myself to something good, something I like.
I don't feel the need to argue. I don't feel the need to prove myself to him. I just walk right past him, close to him, but I keep moving. I overcome my fears. And at the end of walking past him, there is a reward.
And yes, it is most often a "him," because my uncle, as far as I know, is a "him." And he is most often the one that bothers me.
It is so tempting to try to argue with everyone, but, as a friend once told me, "I think your mental health is more important than his bigotry." I will hopefully convince people to be more accepting, and therefore make the world a better place, by simply living my life as openly and happily as possible.
This visualization helps me, in practicing not being bothered. I live in such a small town, I don't know if I will ever encounter protestors of this nature here. But the protestor is more of a symbol, in my mind, than an actual person. And I try this visualization whenever I feel defensive towards the "protestors" in my own mind.
I hope this is helpful to you. I do wonder how many people feel bad for being LGBT, and how many, like me, feel defensive because of detractors and religious bullies in their mind.
Take care of yourself. Remember, your mental health is more important than their bigotry.
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